


Give me Your Pain II - Blood Revenge

by Kamalika



Series: Give Me Your Pain [2]
Category: Derek Hale - Fandom, Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Brother-Sister Relationships, Businessman Derek, Derek Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Derek opens a cake shop, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt Derek, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, Twin Stiles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-21 11:25:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 48,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6049900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kamalika/pseuds/Kamalika
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek finally has it all. A soulmate whom he finally dares to let in, friends who would be willing to go to a great length to protect him, a pack who cares for him genuinely, and he would think the days people thought he was a monster is over.</p><p>How wrong can be be when his past again catches up with him...determined to burn his life around him as he stands helpless, yet again!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Devil's own

 

Vi's POV:

I was taking out the last batch of fudge brownies from the oven when I heard the customer talking to Derek who was manning the counter, for the time being. Well, he hated it on principle, but our regular girl Julie who managed the shop almost single-handedly was down with flu. After hearing her sneezing for about the fiftieth time last evening Derek couldn’t take it anymore and flung her out semi-growling that she would not be allowed within fifty feet of the shop until she had recovered.

Julie had smirked at him and said, “I always knew you are a mush at heart boss,” to which Derek had almost bared his fangs at her, but thankfully had held back until she had left.

Chatting up to the strangers was still a pretty obnoxious concept to Derek which was a pity for I knew for a fact he could be a charmer if he put even half the effort to it, and that face and that body and those smooth muscles under the ever-present Henley and that bone structures – they didn’t hurt either. In fact, rumour had it Devils’ Own was fast becoming the favourive cake shop for the people of Beacon Hills because of the dark and broody owner, who sometimes deigned to appear in the shop, lurking in the background. More often than not, people were disappointed for Derek’s appearance was a rare event and even when he did appear, he usually lurked in the background or escaped into the kitchen for God forbid somebody could try to talk or horror of horrors flirted or batted their eyelashes a little at him. I had tried and failed to convince him a little flirting would go a long way to have the people of Beacon Hills queuing up outside our little shop.

The shop was my idea and I kind of goaded Derek into buying an old establishment off the cross-road and renovate it with modern interiors with black ceiling and red and silver walls. He certainly hadn’t lacked the money. I reasoned there was no harm in a good investment to multiply his money, since he was not quite warm to the idea of holding a regular job. The real reason behind my insistence was of course I figured it would help him rejoin with the rest of the humanity. Derek used to attend college in New York like any regular guy. Laura’s murder and the resultant mayhem had changed him for good. I was not naive. I knew it was not possible to expect he would go back to become the relatively carefree person (Derek was never fully happy or carefree after Paige or Kate) that I could only guess he used to be. But I would keep on trying to tug him out of his shell as much as I could.

That was the reason I was surprised to hear him sound like that.

“Interesting name.” The female voice was effortlessly seductive. I chuckled while placing the brownies on the cooling rack. There were some specialty items which I liked to prepare myself. The fudge brownie and oatmeal and raisin cookies were a few of them. We had a regular pastry chef who came at five in the evening and left around 9.30 when we closed the shop. I would come when my classes were over and hang out or work in the kitchen.

“Thanks.” Derek said and my ears perked up for he didn’t sound his usual grumpy self.

“But how does it reflect on the owner?”

“That the owner is interesting?” I almost dropped container of icing sugar. Derek was flirting back with a customer! I was overjoyed and a tiny hope began to bloom at the corner of my mind that there might be a possibility he was getting over his – everything!

The woman laughed, the sound was like the waterfalls, pleasant and all natural. I resisted an urge to take a peek. Derek would sense it and might immediately hand her over to me to escape into the kitchen. It had happened before. For a man of his commanding personality and occasional flashes of wit and humour I really didn’t see why Derek was so averse to talk to strangers.

“I missed it the last time I came down to Beacon Hills.”

“It’s been open only a few months.”

“Well, that explains it. I was wondering how I could possibly miss this,” there was a potent silence after that. “I mean the cookies.”

“Of course you do.” Derek’s voice carried a smile and I could picture him, standing behind the counter, clad in a soft blue t-shirt, a dimple on each cheek peeking out of the sexy stubble and I could almost picture the woman hyperventilating.

The woman laughed again, and this time it sounded nervous.

“No really. Smells really good in here.”

Pause.

“I mean the cookies, God.” The woman sounded breathless in embarrassed laughter.

I rolled my eyes.

“Thanks. I have it on good authority that they are pretty awesome along with the person who makes them.” My grin reached my ears.

“I would take a tin of those and the chocolate gateau.” The woman said.

“Anything else?”

“What does the chef recommend?”

“Well, I am not the chef.” Derek was still smiling. “I am just the boring owner.”

“You mean you are the devil?”

“Depends on my mood.”

“Cool. I will have a devil then.” I dropped the empty baking tray and this time it fell on the floor with a clatter.

Silence greeted me.

“Sorry,” Derek was still smiling. “This devil is already taken. You can have anything from the rest of the shop.”

“Be careful with what you offer.” The woman was smiling, but this time there was a false ring to it.

“Will that be all ma’am?” Derek was wrapping up the order and he sounded like he wanted to finish the line of conversation.

“Yes.” The woman said. “That would be all, thank you Derek.”

There was a startled silence from the other end.

“You know my name?” Derek was not smiling anymore. In fact, he sounded like he was frowning.

“Everybody knows the most gorgeous and desirable man in Beacon Hills.” She smiled. “For once the rumour mill is true. Well not quite true for it actually doesn’t do you justice.”

Derek remained silent and I knew he was feeling uncomfortable. It was one thing to harmlessly flirt with a customer and it was completely another thing to again be subjected to THAT kind of scrutiny that still made his blood run cold.

I was suddenly angry. I pushed off towards the door separating the shop from the kitchen. More than the stupid customer, I was angry at myself. I felt the shop was an idiotic idea when clearly Derek was not ready to handle this sort of exposure. He had been through hell and back and he had not recovered fully. Stiles and others didn’t see it for he had opened up, he actually cracked jokes and he smiled, a lot (the last one always left me breathless in an overflowing sense of joy). I knew it better than anybody that Derek was still his broken self and that it would take a long time to heal. I was a prime example of it. For while I was going to turn nineteen in a couple of months, I was still a virgin!

My father was of course delighted with this side-effect of Derek’s PTDS, cruel as it might sound.

He tried to give me the birds and bees talk barely three days after I had come back from dead as a werewolf. I ran out of the room with my ears covered with both hands and went running through the forest the entire evening. I took to climb through my window at night to avoid facing him.

He had cornered me at my room after a few days while I was still in my bed.

“Vi,” He said, opening the door of my room.

“Go away.” I covered my head with the pillow and groaned.

“Please, the sooner we get this over, the better.” He sighed.

“I don’t want to talk about it. EVER.”

“Well, as a father it is my duty...”

“Dad, trust me when I say this, but there is no need.” I growled.

“Of course, you are a grown woman and you know what this sort of things entail. But you have turned into a werewolf, who undoubtedly has an animal side. You have less control over yourself than before. You need to...”

“Dad, we are NOT having sex. At least for the time being.” I half-shouted at him.

Dad stared at me.

“Derek practically whimpered when I touched him. He WHIMPERED dad.” I suddenly had tears sprinkling out of my eyes and I squeezed them shut, trying to chase away the image of Derek flinching back from my touch, his face a mask of panic. It took me an hour of coaxing and cajoling to calm him down and then he had lain, fully clothed, with his head on my lap and gone to sleep with me singing a lullaby (one that my mother used to sing to me), carding my hands gently through his hair.

“I had to wipe tears from the cheeks of my sleeping boyfriend.” I sobbed into my hands. “Trust me when I say this, it did not do any good to my libido.”  
Dad came down and sat on the edge of my bed.

“Vi,” He said softly. “Derek does love you, you know that, right?”

“I think I got the memo when he offered himself to Kate or Theo even when it terrified him.” I hiccupped.

Dad rested his hands on my shoulders, rubbing them gently.

“Oh sweetheart.” He sighed. “What are you going to do?”

“I would wait.” I said between my sobs. Then I looked at him. “Oh God, do you think I am crying because I cannot have sex with him?”

“Well, you are a teenager with raging hormones.” Dad quirked his eyebrows. “And Derek is...well...not exactly bad-looking.”

“No dad, fuck...sorry...no.” I pushed his hands away. “I cannot imagine a life without Derek. He is everything to me. I would happily forego sex my entire life if I needed to. I don’t want to hurt him any more than he already is. I want to be his solace, not a source of further torment.”

Dad smiled sadly. “That is like my girl, but it is a lot of responsibility.”

I wiped my tears. “Derek is not a responsibility. I love him. I am happy to be with him. I will take whatever he is willing to give and will be happy with it. Every time he smiles is a miracle, every time we kiss I taste the heaven, every time he as much as look at my direction with that warmth in his eyes, I feel my heart would burst...”

I inhaled.

“Derek is my life now, dad. Don’t worry about us. We will figure things out. Together.” I said. What I didn’t tell dad was how unhappy Derek was with the situation. He was a wolf after all. I understood it all the more now. It was his instinct to take what was his and to possess and to mark and I was undoubtedly his. But I refused to let him try to do what was clearly hurting him. That was another reason he cried. He wanted me, but his body responded negatively, out of its own volition. He wanted me so badly but I had to push him away when I saw how he gritted his teeth and locked his jaw. I hugged him and caressed his back and let him cry...so much tears we had spilled together...it seemed they would fill up an ocean.

No, dad didn’t need to know all the details and Derek didn’t need the kind of predatory attention he was being subjected to right now.

I flung the door open only to see the backside of a tall brunette, wearing a scarlet pea coat and nude stilettos walking out of the shop.

“Hey,” Derek smiled at me and it looked a bit strained.

“I take back what I said. Don’t ever flirt with the customers.” I huffed.

“You said it is good for business.” Derek said, face carefully blank, but I had a feeling he was smirking at me.

“Our business is good enough.” Though I said ours, I was technically an employee. Derek paid me for my amateur cheffing. It did help with the college tuitions. He had my name included as a partner without my consent and I had been furious over it. But when he tried to share the profit with me, I had put my foot down. The shop came into being with Derek’s money and I had zero financial contribution. Derek then offered me part-time employment and I couldn’t refuse, because I loved to bake and it was something I was pretty good at.

“Yeah, thanks to your cookies.”

“Which smell really good.” I deadpanned.

“Not more than you.” Derek quipped, creeping closer.

“Nope. You mister, have the singularly most delicious scent in the entire universe.” I said and Derek predictably rolled his eyes.

“She didn’t stand a chance.” I sighed.

“Humans can’t smell a person.” Derek countered.

“Well, I will let you on a secret.” I whispered. “Women can and do smell other people.”

“Oh is that so?” Derek raised an eyebrow. “What did I smell like when you were human?”

“Green grass, forest, river and unnamed flowers.” I smiled at him.

Derek strode forward and drew me close encircling my waist with strong arms.

“And then you say those things.” His hazel eyes were smiling as he ducked his head. He lingered before touching my lips with his, nostrils flaring, scenting me.  
“And then you smell like that...” he murmured softly and his lips were on mine, hungry, demanding. My lips parted as his tongue darted into my mouth, brushing over the tips of my teeth seductively. I felt the echo of the kiss straight into my groin and I moaned, pushing forward into it, my hands clutching at his hair desperately. I bit down on his lower lip and a strangled almost hungry growl emanated from Derek’s throat.

Somebody cleared his throat and we jumped back.

“Sorry,” Stiles stood awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck, looking at anywhere but at us.

“What?” Derek said irritably, not embarrassed in the least. We had seen him making out with Malia plenty of times. What was interesting though was the strong smell of arousal coming out of him. I didn’t know if that was the reason Derek was irritated.

“Um...we may have a problem.” Stiles was still not meeting my eyes. He knew with my werewolf senses I could now smell his emotions. This little problem with Stiles was refusing to go away and it had sort of begun to get on my nerves a little.

“What is it?” Derek was immediately serious.

“Oh no we don’t need your let’s-go-and-punch-the-problem-in-the-face face.” Stiles met Derek’s eyes this time and I giggled, involuntarily.

Derek turned his head to glare at me and then glared at Stiles.

“I don’t have a...whatever you called it...that face.”

“You totally do.” I nodded.

“I also have an I-want-to-punch-you-till-you-are unconscious face.” Derek said to Stiles. “Can you see me wearing it now?”

“Oh sourwolf, if only I had a dollar for every time you threatened me.” Stiles laughed.

“Stiles, flirt with Derek later.” I intervened. “What is the matter?”

Derek stared at me. “You are encouraging him. Do you know that?”

“The idiot makes you laugh.” I pointed out.

“Hey,” Stiles protested.

“Seriously though, what is wrong?” I asked my brother.

“Oh nothing to be alarmed about.”

I exchanged a worried glance with Derek.

“Stiles, you are killing us here.” I complained.

“I have a feeling we need to shop for formal wears, pretty soon.”

“What?” Derek blinked.

“I think our dad is getting married.” Stiles flailed.

“What?” It was me this time. I was ashamed immediately after. Of course I should have known and of course I should have been happy for him instead of being surprised. My dad was awesome and any woman would be lucky to have him. I knew he was dating a mystery woman for a couple of months now. I knew for a fact he was happy for he positively radiated after those dates. So, it shouldn’t really come as a surprise.

“Isn’t it a bit sudden?” Derek said cautiously.

“No. It is practical.” I shook my head. “At his age, he tends to over-think. The only way he can do this is if he just lets go of his inhibitions and dives headlong into it. It is incredibly romantic and a bit foolish, but I get it.” I smiled at my brother. “I don’t think he would do this unless he is absolutely sure.”  
Stiles looked dubious.

“We haven’t even met this woman yet.”

“Dad has met her. He trusts her. We need to defer to his judgement.” I pointed out.

“How did you find out?” Derek asked.

“Well, he might have borrowed my laptop to chat with this mystery woman. I might have taken a backup before deleting the chat, which he insisted I do and looked pretty intimidating while saying it.”

“And you might have taken a look, reading his personal chat. Totally accidentally of course.” Derek monotoned.

“Totally accidentally,” agreed Stiles.

“Yeah, right.” Derek rolled his eyes.

“What did you find?” I asked. Derek turned and glared at me.

“What? He has already read it.” I said innocently.

“Accidetally.” Stiles insisted.

“So just accidentally spill it. Or I might accidentally break your game console, the new one.” I grinned at Stiles.

“I am thinking of accidentally throttling both of you.” Derek said. “Do you guys have no sense of boundary?”

“Don’t tell me you are not tempted to hear what gems I have found in those chats.” Stiles wiggled his eyebrows.

Derek gagged. “I am calling John and giving him a heads up what the gifts of his loins are up to these days.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” I rounded up on him.

“I most certainly would.” He said.

“But dad is getting married. If that is true, we get the right to pester him about it. We should punish him for not letting us know sooner.” I whined.

“Yeah and an appropriate revenge would be to know how he gushes over his chat about...ow, ow, ow...”

Stiles was cut off by Derek who had grabbed him by his ear and dragged him physically out of the shop. The door closed behind him.

“He calls her his marshmellow.” Stiles peeked through the door and threw at us Before Derek could turn round and grab him again, he bolted.

I was laughing when Derek came back to stand with me behind the counter.

Two customers had entered, interrupting us and after we wrapped up the orders and took the payment I turned towards Derek who was standing at the background, quiet as a shadow.

“What?” I asked him as I felt him staring.

“Are you ok?” He asked, his face uncharacteristically soft. “Will you be ok?”

Derek knew how much I loved my mother and how close I was to my father. I was not thrilled with the idea of having to share his love with a stranger. I was surprised how Derek could sometimes read me like an open book.

“Dad deserves happiness Der.” I said, using my favourite pet-name for Derek for my heart melted a bit thinking how much he cared.

“You didn’t answer my question.” Derek strode towards me and looked into my eyes, trying to strain out the truth in them.

“I will be ok.” My voice shook a bit.

Derek drew me into a hug. I crushed his t-shirt with my fists and sniffled against his warm chest.

“I don’t want to feel jealous. I mean I have no right for I have you and Stiles has Malia. But the thought of sharing him with anybody...”

“I know,” Derek caressed the back of my head quietly. “But I also know, you would support him wholeheartedly, and you would respect his decision as well as his privacy.” He said, then he cupped my face upwards looking into my eyes. “Unlike Stiles.” He said and kissed on my forehead.

“But it is just harmless fun.” I whispered.

Derek cocked his head thinking. Then he said, “when your dad gave you ‘the talk’ about our relationship, how did you react?”

“I wanted the earth to swallow me whole.”

“Right.” Derek smiled down at me. “So you didn’t want your private life discussed openly with a third person.”

I sighed and buried my nose into Derek’s chest again.

He was right of course. We shouldn’t pry.

I would just have to wait until dad invited this mystery lady over to meet us.

Well, I so DIDN’T look forward to that moment and I already hated myself for feeling that way.

But right now, I was with Derek, and everything was right with the world.


	2. Stormclouds

Vi's POV:

It was raining cats and dogs and thunders rumbled across the sky occasionally. I had the evening free and I decided to make spaghetti and meatballs for all three of us were home today which was a rarity nowadays. I was usually at the shop, dad at the station, pulling off an all-nighter and Stiles would be at Scott’s or Lydia’s place or hanging out with Malia. Not surprisingly all members of the pack decided to attend BHU (even when I knew for a fact Lydia got call letters from Stanford and many other far more prestigious colleges). Again, not surprisingly they hadn’t thought of moving out, but on the other hand chosen to commute from our homes. 

I was secretly overjoyed with the decision, though I pretended otherwise.

So spaghetti and meatballs it was...

The dinner was, unusually, a silent one. The first five minutes of it at least. 

“So...” Dad twirled spaghetti around the fork and began. “Your shop. How is it going?” 

“It is cool.” I frowned, unhappily, remembering the predatory female customer yesterday.

“You don’t sound cool.” Stiles said around a mouthful of meatballs.

Dad put his fork down. He had his inhibitions from the start about my joining this venture with Derek. He wanted me to attend college and take up a regular course. Instead I had chosen to pursue hospitality management. He argued it was too early for me to take decisions about what I would like to do for the rest of my life. Well, he was wrong! 

“It is cool.” I hissed. “I am just...well there is occasionally a creepy customer or two.”

“Creepy customer at a shop named Devil’s Own in a place like Beacon Hills.” Dad drawled. “What an idea!”

“I thought it would be pretty difficult to creep you nowadays.” Stiles commented.

“It was just...the way she was flirting with Derek.”

Dad and Stiles exchanged a smirk. I pretended not to look. I knew it was probably childish, but for some reason the little exchange that I had heard yesterday had left a bitter taste in my mouth and I couldn’t get it out of my head, especially the way she uttered Derek’s name.

“I think it is time he goes back to his first phase so that people are so intimidated that they wouldn’t dare strike up a conversation.” I said miserably.  


“What first phase?” Dad asked.

“Derek has phases?” Stiles said simultaneously.

“Of course he does.” I huffed. “First phase was his leather-jacket-wearing-camaro-driving-death-glaring bad boy phase. Second one was his bitch phase.”

Dad snorted and Stiles burst into laughter.

“What other phases are there?” Stiles asked.

“Third one was everybody-dying-around-me-I-am-so-unhappy phase. Then came his clueless phase. After that came the identity crisis.” I ticked them off my finger. 

“Derek suffered from identity crisis?” Stiles raised his eyebrows.

“He did. Between the bad boy and the reluctant guardian and mentor to a bunch of angsty, hormonal teens.” I quipped.

“Hmm...so you want him to go back being the bad boy.”

“I LOVED the bad boy phase.” I sighed wistfully. 

Dad groaned and almost face planted into the spaghetti. “I get absolutely no respect here.”

“How could you when you hide important things like getting married from us.” Stiles clamped his hand on his mouth, but the damage was done.

“Stiles,” dad’s voice was deceptively calm. “Have you been reading my chats?”

Predictably it all went downhill after that.

Dad was still bombarding Stiles when the doorbell rang.

We looked at each other, then dad walked up to the door. I followed close behind. It had been peaceful and quiet for the last few months, but it WAS Beacon Hills and it was nearing ten in the evening.

Derek was standing at the door, dripping wet. I peeked over his shoulder and saw no sign of his car.

“Derek?” Dad sounded astonished. Well, so was I. Derek did spend a couple of nights at our place (with dad cleaning his gun in ominous silence when we went up to my room), but he always called ahead and he would help me prepare dinner and all (he was a pro with kitchen knives, another thing we never imagined to be in the list of his skill set, but it appeared he was the designated cook when he used to live in New York with Laura).

“May I come in?” Derek asked sheepishly. “I know it is kind of late...”

“Of course,” dad moved aside to let him in. 

“Derek?” Stiles had his mouth hanging open again.

I sighed.

“Guys stop confirming his name. He knows it.” I huffed and went past Derek to go to the sink.

The smell of arousal hit me like a ton of bricks.

Stiles POV:

Shit, shit, shit...this was not happening! This was my worst nightmare coming true. I shifted in my chair, trying to be subtle about it, but I knew with two werewolves in the room, it was a futile attempt.

I tried to fight it. I really did for it was wrong at sooooooo many levels that I had lost count. I had a girlfriend, a gorgeous and beautiful woman that any guy will kill for and I was happy with her. I closed my eyes briefly trying to conjure up Malia’s face. I couldn’t even remember the details of the contours of her face. God...I was an asshole!

I opened my eyes to glare at the root of all problems who was standing in the middle of the room awkwardly, dripping wet. I wanted to hate him, from the bottom of my heart. Even then my eyes could not but helplessly follow the contours of his muscles beneath the thin white t-shirt clinging to his toned body. Even with his raven hair dripping wet, it looked like he had just stepped out of the cover of a sports magazine. His eyes were even more gorgeous, framed by the thick, wet eyelashes...his eyes, which were currently fixed on Vi’s back as she was scrubbing furiously at the sink. 

“Would you like to change?” 

Derek gave a small jump at dad’s voice. Why was he so jittery? 

“Y...yes. Thanks. I...”

“You can stay over.” Dad didn’t let him finish and wagged his finger at him. “But no funny business.” 

Derek’s ears turned pink and I tried, again not very successfully, not to stare.

“Though I would love to know why you drove here in the middle of a thunderstom without calling.” Dad crossed his arms across his chest. “Not that you are not welcome. But you never did it before.”

“I...” Derek looked at his hands and clenched and unclenched them. “I was having bad dreams. I tried to call. There was no signal.”

I picked my phone from the table. He was right, there was no signal. I frowned.

“I just wanted to make sure you were all ok.” He concluded, not taking his eye off his hands.

“I better leave now.” He moved towards the door. 

“Derek. Stop.” Dad put on his Sheriff tone. “I cannot let you drive across the town in this weather.”

Derek stopped, but didn’t turn back. I tried to wrench my eyes off the play of muscles on his back as he visibly tensed and shuffled his feet again. There should be a law forbidding Derek to wear white t-shirt when it rained. It should be declared illegal!

“He has not been driving.” Vi said quietly, without turning back. “He has been running.”

“What? Why? Derek, what’s the matter?” I couldn’t stay silent after that. An uneasy feeling that had nothing to do with the boner I had been developing was unfurling at the pit of my stomach. 

Derek turned his head slowly.

“Is there something wrong, son?” Dad said gently. It had been a long time since he called him that. “I need to know if something is wrong.”

Derek shook his head stubbornly. “It is just...” he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t know why I ran. I just...I felt this burning need that I had to see if you guys are ok.”

Vi turned to stare at Derek. 

Dad strode to him and placed a hand on his arm. “Stay.” He commanded. “And for God’s sake borrow something from Stiles. You are looking like a drowned cat.”

Derek gave him a tight smile and looked at me for the first time after entering into the house. My breathing hitched and just like that his smile was gone, replaced by a frown. I immediately looked away, feeling terrible.

“Stay here big guy. I will lend you some clothes.” I jumped up and started climbing the stairs taking two at a time.

I rummaged through my drawers and found the obnoxious orange and blue t-shirt, the only one of mine that would fit Derek and a pair of oversized pajamas and went down where Derek was still standing awkwardly, trying and failing to look invisible.

I did a double take on seeing Dad in his uniforms.

“Whoa...dad” I said, worried. “I thought you didn’t have a night shift today.”

“The phone signals are down. It is pretty rough out there. I better be at the station if some emergency comes up.” Dad said holstering his gun.

I threw the clothes at Derek who caught the bundle midair.

“Go change.” I ordered without looking at him and closed the door after dad.

Vi and I stared at each other across the room once the two older men were out of sight. It lasted for a few seconds before Vi broke the eye contact and went to the couch to plop down on it.

“Play a movie, will you?” She said.

“You want to watch a movie?”

“I think we need to take his mind off the thing that is worrying him.” She didn’t need to elaborate whom she was talking about. “And I have a feeling he wouldn’t like it if I nag about it, which I would undoubtedly do without meaning to do it.”

“Ok.” I conceded. “What do you want to watch?”

“How about 'He is just not that into you’?”

I narrowed my eyes at Vi. Sometimes my sister could be really mean. But who was I to judge, because I was even worse sometimes.

“Spare me the romantic crap. Let’s watch some action movie.”

“No. Not that Mad Max thing again.” My sister knew me too well for I was about to suggest exactly that.

“Do you have ‘The Shining’?” I jumped out of my skin and threw a glare towards Derek. The effect was pretty much lost as the core of my being melted as I took in Derek looking fucking adorable even in the terrible colours.

Vi cleared her throat and I snapped out of it, or at least pretended to.

“Dude, you want to watch a horror movie?” I asked, my eyebrows raised to the hairline. “After having nightmares?”

“Well it may counter the effect.” Derek said and settled down on the sofa beside Vi, snaking a hand behind her neck to rest it possessively on her shoulder.

“The Shining it is then.” I climbed the stairs again to retrieve the CD from my room.

Vi’s POV:

The evening turned out to be more enjoyable than I thought it would be.

The rain had eventually stopped. I was propped between my brother and Derek, with a monstrous bowl of butter popcorn on my lap. We watched one horror movie after the other. After ‘the shining’, it was ‘the omen.’ We were engrossed in the drama and even Derek had his attention riveted to the screen. We jostled in the couch which was actually too small for three people, but it was oddly comfortable. Derek had his right arm secured around me. Stiles and I were plonking each other on the ribs playfully for some time. Then Stiles moved on to trying to catch Derek unaware and pull his hair sneakily, snaking a hand behind my head. Derek of course caught hold of his hand without even looking and Stiles would curse under his breath. The sight of one corner of Derek’s mouth going slightly up at the silliness of it all was enough to make my entire day. I beamed at the TV screen, leaving Stiles to his mischief.

We were halfway through ‘The Omen’ when Stiles’s phone rang and we jumped up in unison and shared a puzzled look.

“I thought the connections are dead.” Stiles murmured, but got up to grab the phone from the table.

“Lydia.” Stiles spoke into the phone and then his expression turned sour.

“What is the problem?” Derek asked alarmed. 

“We need to call a pack meeting.” Stiles said gravely. “Lydia says she has the urge to scream and she can barely make herself hold back.”

Derek’s hand gripped my shoulder, nails digging into my skin. Oh dear God...I knew it was too much to ask everything was going to be hunky dory for us forever.

“Can she see anybody in particular?” He asked, voice calm and steady, but I knew that only belied the tension below.

“No.” Stiles shook his head. “She just wants to scream.”

Derek stood up. “Call Scott and tell him to have everybody gather at my loft tomorrow morning. Bunk the college.” 

“But what about the shop?” I couldn’t help asking.

“I will call Julie and request her to cover for us for the morning.”

“But you gave her sick leave.” I insisted.

“Now I am retracting it.” Derek said irritably. “Have you guys forgotten what the scream of a banshee means? It is a life and death situation. I don’t have time to waste on the stupid shop.”

Stupid shop! I gaped at Derek. I thought it was something we had set up together and it was not something he was doing only to indulge me.

“Let’s just focus on the problem ok?” Derek said more softly. He bent down and kissed on the top of my head. “I am going back to the loft. I need to check something.”

With that he stormed out before we could say anything.

Stiles met my gaze silently the second time in the empty living room.

I suddenly had a premonition something terrible was about to happen.


	3. Predator and prey

Vi’s POV:

Today’s pack meeting was a classic example of how to systematically break down a fairly done-to-death thing and bring upon utter chaos.

Lydia had stomped off in the midway, ready to pluck out her hair in frustration.

Liam was seething in a corner.

Stiles was spluttering colourful expletives describing how we all would come to die.

Parrish had thrown a 100% done look at us and had followed Lydia out.

Scott and I...we were stranded in a stare match, none of us backing the hell down.

“Vi,” Derek placed a hand on my arm which I jerked off angrily, without bothering to look at him. Derek raised his hands in air in surrender. “All I am saying is that you need to see it from Scott’s point of view...”

My eyes turned scarlet.

“Vi,” Derek sounded alarmed. “Calm down!”

“You know what?” I gritted out trying to push down my fangs. “You want me to calm the fuck down. Then stop pissing me off.”

“Why are you making it about yourself?” Scott challenged and I almost lost it there. I clenched my hands in a fist, claws digging into the palm.

“I am trying to come up with a plan where everybody is alive AND unhurt.” I snarled. “Is that so bad?”

Scott huffed out a laugh. “You don’t have a fucking plan. You just want to bury your head in the sand hoping the storm would pass over.”

“Sometimes it is wise to do just that.” I fought to keep my voice normal.

“Vi,” Derek said gently. “You want them to move to BHU campus, leaving their homes undefended.”

“Home is made of people Derek.” I looked at him this time. The argument had started to wear me down. It had been going back and forth for the last half an hour. “Our parents are in danger BECAUSE of our proximity. We are a danger to ourselves and to the people who are close to us.”

I took a calming breath, fighting the urge to wolf out.

“And if we die, what would happen to our parents, to the people we love.” I repeated for what seemed like a thousandth time. 

“And don’t you dare to tell me it is because I am emotional or sentimental or whatever hormonal crap you think making me choose this option.” I glared towards Derek, who averted his eyes. I still couldn’t believe Derek had pulled that sexist crap to support Scott’s plan as opposed to mine.

“I HAVE been dead and I am NOT afraid to die. But I would very much like to live. If that means we all have to retreat for a few years from the place that is attracting supernatural like an actual fucking beacon so be it. We would still be together. Hell, all of us could rent an apartment and live together, like a real pack!” I ranted.

“Why would I want to run like a coward when there is an option?” Scott scowled at me.

“THEO IS NOT AN OPTION.” I yelled at Scott. “Just because he knows a goddamn clairvoyant and trusts her WE don’t need to do the same. I don’t believe a single word he says and I don’t believe his acquaintances will be better than him.”

“Well, he has offered some insight.” Derek sighed.

“In exchange of WHAT?” 

Derek was silent. That was the moot point. Theo hadn’t asked anything in return – and that was not normal for him.

Theo had proposed to consult a psychic whom he knew to try to discern the possible causes of disturbances at BH. Since none of us could decipher (Lydia included) why Lydia had the urge to scream (which we had, by now, learnt to take pretty seriously) and were running out of options, Scott had blithely consulted Theo of all people without feeling the need to inform me.

And for some reason he had suggested Derek should undertake the journey with him to Florida where this mysterious clairvoyant apparently lived. Theo had readily agreed!

“Vi, Derek is more than capable to handle Theo.” Stiles spoke for the first time in many minutes.

“That is beside the point.” I passed a hand over my forehead. “Why does he have to HANDLE Theo at all? Why are we trusting that bastard?”

“One member of the pack has to go.” Derek said quietly.

“Why doesn’t Scott go?” 

“I have a mother, if you are forgetting, who is human. I am not leaving her side until I know what the fuck is going on.”

“If you go I am coming with you.” I told Derek with finality.

“No.” Derek shook his head.

“No?” I raised my eyebrows.

“You are staying back with your father and Stiles.” Derek said. “We need the reinforcement here.”

“Have you decided to contradict everything I say today?” I asked him.

“Not everything.” Derek snorted. “Just the ridiculous ones.”

“Don’t fucking treat me like I am a five-year-old!” I shouted at him.

Derek sighed like I was exactly that and the edge of my vision was starting to take on the scarlet hue again.

Stiles’s POV:

I didn’t know what the fuck just happened.

It was like an implosion. 

It all started absolutely normally, well...erm...I meant normally by our standards. Derek was being silent and grumpy (with an extra helping of sourness to add to it since last evening). Lydia was glaring at everything and everybody for she was developing a severe headache trying to hold off screaming. Kira and Malia were trying their level best soothe her, but to no avail.

Vi was in an unusually bad mood, mirroring right back to Derek.

Scott was being his usually enthusiastic best.

He had already tried another avenue when no one seemed to have any clue and Deaton was being...mysterious (exaggerated eye-roll for what else could we expect). He had asked Theo if he might have any idea. We had granted Theo a small territory on the periphery of Beacon Hills and he had stuck to it. So far he hadn’t been a nuisance except for enrolling in BHU and smirking creepily at us whenever he could manage. It didn’t take a genius to see that going to Theo for help would be written under the label ‘HELL NO’ in Vi’s book and she would react strongly. Scott defended himself saying we had no other option as of now.  


Vi had countered Scott’s plan with another one of her own. She wanted us to move out of BH for the time being. She argued we could rent an apartment near BHU and could stay together. Even Liam and Mason could enrol into Liam’s old school. Dad could pull a few strings to get Parrish transferred and so on.  


None of us liked it and we said as much. Even though BH was a shitty place to live (what with all those life-threatening experiences) and bitter memories, we were Beacon Hillers. We just couldn’t think about leaving, even when it would not be really difficult and we could always come back. But then Vi always had a penchant for thinking out of the box. 

Vi was trying to defend her stand quietly but firmly. It was one comment from Derek which made the hell break loose.

“We cannot make decisions based on emotions alone Vi, in this case the emotion is terror. You are terrified you are going to lose someone and naturally the first thing that you think is to put as much distance as possible between your friends and the unknown danger.”

Vi had blinked a few times at Derek like she couldn’t even believe he would say something like that and then she just flew off the handle.

It had been going on for some time now. Everything Derek said upset her more and more and things turned even uglier as Scott flashed his alpha eyes at her when she yelled at him to use Derek again (to accompany Theo to a clairvoyant).

I had almost stopped listening in utter frustration. I would lie if I say it was the first time Scott and Vi were in an argument and we were standing witnesses, but usually Derek would always calm Vi down. Vi still didn’t have as much control over her wolf as Scott and on top of that she was an alpha. Deaton and Derek also, to some extent, believed it might not be as easy for her to adjust as it would have been if she had been beta. Vi hadn’t chosen to create a pack, but she would always be an alpha. Two alphas in a same pack was usually a bad news. However, whenever something like this would happen, Derek would be right there, blocking Vi with his body, getting directly in the line of those red eyes and fangs and sharp, sharp claws, touching her gently, grounding her, murmuring reassurances. 

In a way, it was surreal and sometimes downright hilarious to witness it, for with Derek’s disposition no one would imagine him to be the peacemaker type. But the truth was he took the pack meetings seriously, even while he was at his growly best, even when he was being the shitty alpha that he was, even when we had chaos surrounding us. Derek had that grounding quality which helped us keep calm even though he didn’t actually suggest anything worthwhile.

This time, however, whenever he opened his mouth, he was unwittingly tipping Vi over. I frowned. Why couldn’t he see he was making the situation worse? It was Derek who taught us Alphas didn’t like their authority to be undermined in front of other members of the pack. Throw in another stubborn-ass alpha in the mix and it was a recipe for disaster.

I completely agreed with Derek that Vi was terrified. Something in the sight of Derek having run down to our house in a thunderstorm had deeply disturbed her. But there was no need to call her out on it like that. Vi had always hated to look weak, even when she was human. As a werewolf, as an alpha, that was the last thing she would want people to perceive her as – as a young girl terrified out of her mind for the safety of the people she loved though that was exactly what she was.

I just wished Derek knew what he was doing!

When the tension in the room was reaching to a breaking point I got a most unexpected phone call from dad.

Well, I was immediately on the edge because dad would hardly ever call from work until it was an emergency. I walked into Derek’s bedroom and closed the door behind me.

“Dad,” I barked into the phone, shoulders tense.

“Hey kiddo. How is the meeting?”

Small talk? Really?

“Um...it is doing great?”

“Is that a question?” I could hear dad raising his eyebrow.

“Um...do you really want to hear?” I asked.

“Not really unless you are ready to tell me what exactly is going on.”

“I will tell you when we are sure that something IS going on. I told you it is just a routine.” I said hurriedly. “Nothing at all to be worried about.”

“Rrrrrright.” Dad said. “Anyways the reason I called, ask Derek to come over for dinner today would you.”

“Ok.” I said and then I froze. “Dad is there an occasion?”

“You may say it is.” I could hear him smirking at the other end. “I would rather have it out into the open to prevent you from snooping into my chat.”

“So you are...but Derek –” I began.

“I would like to make a formal declaration to my family and to introduce somebody to you guys.” Dad sighed. “Derek is a part of the family now.” He added grudgingly.

I choked out. Ok, so this was really happening.

“Don’t tell Vi I told you that.” Dad warned. “I like that look on Derek’s face each time I start cleaning the gun.”

“Dad you are the devil.” I smiled into the phone.

“Yeah, but only the right kind.” Dad smiled, “So, I will see you guys at dinner. Tell Vi Lasagne is her favourite.”

I gasped again and before I could say anything he ended the call.

I sighed and stepped out of the bedroom, determined to stop the madness since Derek was so blazingly effective this far!

Vi’s POV:

“I really don’t like you taking Scott’s side, instead of mine.” I glared at Derek’s back.

Derek cut his hand the second time while chopping the onions.

I folded my arms across my chest and stared at him.

“What?” Derek said irritably, sucking the finger.

“Is there something I need to know?” I asked coolly. “Something that is bothering you.”

“Nothing.” Derek gritted out and went back to chopping onions again.

“Also, I would like to know how you could forget about today’s dinner when Stiles had told you this morning!” I tried not to raise my voice in exasperation. I had run out of pasta sheets and had called Derek to pick up some before coming over. He had asked the strangest question.

“Vi, what is the time now?”

When I told him, I heard him cursing softly under the breath. When I asked if he was at all coming to dinner as promised, he waited for a few seconds before answering that he was, but from his tone I knew he had clean forgotten.

I didn’t know what was the deal with him and I was getting increasingly frustrated over the fact that he seemed to sort of curling in on himself that he used to do before. Not to mention I was angry as hell with him.

“You know, you really hurt my feelings today.” I sighed, dipping the pasta sheets into boiling water.

I felt Derek’s head snapping up.

“What did I do?” He asked defensively.

“You know damn well what you did.” I rolled my eyes. “You made me feel like I was not fit to give an opinion – that I was acting like a child or some hormonal female.”

Derek was silent for a few seconds.

“Did I really say all those things?” He said quietly.

I felt to be at the end of my tethers. “You don’t have to say things out loud when you can imply them so well.” I hissed. “I didn’t know you have such low opinion of me.” It really pained me to talk to Derek of all people like that. I thought Derek understood me like nobody else. He would know my feelings before I would open my mouth. He would support and defend me even when I was being stubbornly unreasonable. I didn’t know why he was suddenly treating me like a stupid kid.

“I don’t have a low opinion of you.” Derek said, in his patented monotone. 

“You could have fooled me when you said our shop was a stupid idea.”

“What? When did I say that?” Derek had stopped what he was doing and was staring at me.

“Last evening. Before you stormed out of our house.” I glared at him. “Also you never clarified what exactly it was that made you run down here in the rain. You didn’t tell us what the nightmare was all about.”

There was a series of expression on Derek’s face – astonishment, denial, fear, anger, frustration and finally he settled into a deep scowl.

“Last evening.” He repeated, slowly, like he was tasting the words. I strained my ears to listen to his heartbeat, but it was, as always, rock steady. It would take a lot to have Derek’s heartbeat falter.

Then he opened his mouth and closed it again, looking utterly lost. This was the look that I couldn’t really stay angry at. In spite of my resolve to stay angry at him today, I stepped closer and reached out. I was about to grab his face while he jerked back, so fast that his head smacked against the overhead cupboard.

My hands stilled in the midway.

“I...sorry.” Derek looked at me and the corner of his mouth went down. “I think...I think,” he looked down at his hands. “I think I would stay away from you a bit.”  


“What???” I stared at him, my mouth hanging open.

“Just....trust me ok.” Derek raked one hand through his hair and looked at me, staring deep into my eyes, like he was trying to convey some message through his eyes only. “I need to...I need some time.”

Warning bells had started to ring in my mind. It would be typical of Derek to hold back until the very last moment. 

“Bullshit.” I shook my head. “What is the matter with you? Just come out with it. I think you have left those days behind you when you silently skulk all by yourself in your loft.” 

Derek frowned at me. “There is nothing to tell. Everything is ok.” He looked away. “I just need some time.” He repeated.

“Derek,” I suddenly felt the air leaving my lungs. “Are you...do you...are you thinking of breaking up with me?” I almost choked on the last words.

Derek’s head snapped back to me. “What? No.” Even with the indignant denial, I noticed his eyes were suddenly narrowed, like he hadn’t considered it as a possibility, UNTIL now!

I felt a sting behind my eyes. “Take all the fucking time you want.” I said, half choking back a sob. “Just don’t...mess with my head.”

In a flash Derek was on to me, scooping me up in a crushing hug. My hands went round his middle and I buried my face in his chest, inhaling his scent – deep and stormy.

Derek was planting kisses on my hair, murmuring something softly, but I couldn’t focus on them. I focussed on the warmth of his body, drowning myself in it, forgetting the whole damn world for a second or two, pretending nothing else mattered.

“Guys I would hate to break the honeymoon time.” Stiles shouted from the living room. “But we have a guest to feed.”

“Go away Stiles.” I mumbled out of habit, burying myself deeper into Derek.

...

Ten minutes after I had put the lasagne into the oven, the doorbell rang. Both Stiles and I rushed towards the door, jostling with each other. Finally I beat Stiles to it and opened the door.

I froze.

Dad was in uniform, evidently having picked his ‘mystery date’ after his shift was over and he was grinning happily but a tad sheepishly, a look I never thought I would ever see on his face.

Beside him stood the ‘mystey date’ herself, tall and darkly beautiful, looking somewhere in the vicinity of thirty -five.

Even if I hadn’t recognised the scent, I would have known it from the smart scarlet pea-coat.

It was only I, of course, who heard Derek’s sharp intake of breath as her smell wafted into the house.

“Hello Vi,” She smiled at me, sweetly. “Stiles.” She nodded to my brother who was gaping at her. “And where is Derek? I have heard so much about him.”

I bit down my lower lip and stepped aside to let them in. Somehow I had to fight down every instinct which told me it was a bad idea. I wanted to bang the door right on her face. My eyes met Derek’s across the room. His shoulders were tense and his entire posture had become impossibly stiff. 

“Hey,” He greeted the woman directly, looking squarely in the eyes.

“Derek.” She chirped happily, like he was her long lost...something! 

Then she turned on to me. “Am I smelling lasagne?” She asked with a cute and hopeful look in her eyes.

I plastered a smile on my face. I would have to do it for sake of dad. I had no right to feel so hostile just for some innocently flirting with my boyfriend, especially now when she seemed so easy-going.

“You are.” Stiles saved me from answering. “My sister is the most amazing cook that ever was, after Derek of course, when he deigned to cook that is.”  


Derek snorted.

“He would totally murder you if you tell his secret to anybody though.” Stiles said with a wink. “And he wouldn’t even if he tries for a thousand years, be able to beat my sister as far as the desserts are concerned.” Stiles rambled on, totally oblivious about the tension radiating from Derek and I.

“I second that.” My dad raised his hand and threw a fond smile at my direction.

My heart absolutely melted right there. I sent a meaningful look at Derek and he nodded imperceptibly.

It was a silent plea come promise come reassurance that we would go through the dinner uneventfully, for sake of dad.

Somebody above was listening and it really did!


	4. Doing right by her

Derek's POV:

I remembered that day vividly, like it was only yesterday. She was running again. I closed my eyes and inhaled. She smelt like damp earth after season’s first rainfall and..like sunshine. One can argue sunshine doesn’t really have a smell, but it does, it totally does and she smelt like it. It was the same smell that hit me in waves when she came to our house, half hiding behind Cora who was as usual chattering her head off. She was shy and she barely looked up as mom offered her ginger cookies. Even while jostling with Erik and Mathew in the backyard, I had my ears strained to listen to her voice. She barely spoke, but when she did, it was as much enticing as her scent. I could't imagine that would affect me this much so soon after Paige. I didn’t think she noticed me at all. Girls like her, devastatingly lovely, shy and gentle didn’t look at boys like me – lanky, brutish, graceless. Also, she was human AND she was six years younger than me. There was no way to even try to talk to her without appearing like a Goddamn paedo. 

I just took comfort in her proximity, like a guilty pleasure. When she was gone I felt utterly empty. Get a grip – I had admonished myself. It was just a ten-year old human girl. But I looked forward to the next time Cora would bring her home.

Then Kate happened.

Some days which were more difficult than the other or when I woke up screaming from sleep, Laura would burst into my room and then both of us would hold onto each other, sobbing into each other’s necks, tiredly falling asleep again only after the sun came up – and I would dream of that smell – damp earth and sunshine.

I still woke up from sleep screaming. For a second or two I still half expected Laura to come bursting through the door...and then I would remember. Then I would switch on the light and curl into a tight ball on the bed, trying to warm myself up, trying to chase away the monsters...and the hurt...and the pain. The scars that were gone, the deep gashes and wounds completely healed a long time back...came crushing back. I would wince and bury myself deeper trying to imagine it is raining, trying to conjure up the image of the perched earth soaking up seasons’s first rainfall and the damp vapour rising from the dirt...I would try to go back to sleep to that scent. The scent that made me feel like I was safe, like a hand gently brushing a lock of hair away from my forehead – and I would sleep then.

That day I remembered feeling a trace of happiness, something that felt foreign to me, for I didn’t have to imagine the scent anymore, at least as long as I was in BH.

She was still as unattainable, being sixteen and a human. But the greedy pervert that I was, I couldn’t help taking in her scent, gratefully, and let it settle like a coveted moment of peace. Then my eyes snapped open and I stormed out of the house. Holy God...how could I forget about the rogue alpha? If I could hear her footsteps, if I could smell her scent, so could he. My blood froze in my veins. How could I let her go running unprotected through the forest for the last two days?  


I caught up with her easily, but trailed behind, so that I could be near her within a heartbeat, though I prayed there was never any need. She had grown tall and lithe and she had a sleek brown ponytail that swung gracefully as she ran in a steady rhythm. I drank the sight of her through the trees, like the creep that I was but took care that she never knew I was following her, for I didn’t want to freak her out. Truth be told, it would have been a wise choice to freak her out so that she didn’t go running through the forest all by herself like that, but I was selfish. I didn’t want her to stop coming.

One day I heard her bumping into two people. Before I panicked because one of them was definitely a werewolf, I realised they were friends. Together they started walking towards the direction our house - or what was left of it. I barely had the time to double back.

I spotted the three of them soon. One of them smelt pretty similar to Vi. Sibling? Twin? Most probably a twin.

The other one, Scott, as I gathered was recently turned. He must have been completely clueless.

“...it is seventy bucks.” I heard the dejection in his voice.

I sighed and approached them. 

“What are you doing here?” I asked sternly, not feeling particularly hospitable. Also, I would have to keep these kids as far away from this area as possible. The rogue alpha had marked it and he could strike again. As I could see one damage was already done, but I would be dead before I would let anything happen to Vi.  


Vi had looked at me strangely, like she recognised me. It must be a mistake for I didn’t think she knew who I was. She looked away the moment I glanced toward her, but her gaze kept on drifting towards me surreptitiously. 

Her brother (I had settled on the twin theory) on the other hand, gaped open mouthed. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes – yeah I am all that and yeah my life is still a piece of shit and that I don’t really care! 

I returned the inhaler to the poor boy, the werewolf. In spite of myself a wave of sympathy rolled over me. What would his life be now with no pack to support him? He was the age Erik would be if he were alive. Erik used to be my favourite, after Cora of course. He had the same dopey smile and eyes like a puppy. I gritted my teeth and frowned, chasing away the thoughts.

The brother, Stiles, was still gaping at me, Vi was staring from under the lashes...they were expecting something while fidgeting nervously. I suddenly realised they were expecting me to snap and go into a full serial-killer mode on them. 

I clenched my jaw and turned round abruptly to stalk away towards my house.

If I could recognise what strongly smelt like disappointment, I pretended not to notice or to care.

If somebody had told me my life wouldn’t be the same after this little meet I would have laughed at that somebody in the face. My life hadn’t been the same after so many fucking things I had lost count. It was a joke now and the joke was totally upon me. I was a fucked up joke of fate or destiny or God or whatever the hell was up there, if any.

I had no way to know, for this once, that ‘somebody’ would prove to be right!

...

I had tried to keep her at arm’s length. As God be my witness, I really, really tried! The Stilinskis, however, had a special talent to get under my skin.  


Each time Stiles swore up and down how much he hated me, each time he babbled how he would like to watch me die, all I could hear was how much he cared and all I could smell, other than the fear was the blatant arousal. I knew how much of a bad news that was and I was irritated to death to be the subject of the wet-dream of a sixteen-year old spaz. I dared not to admit it was far more than that!

Vi hid it really well. She was quiet and shy and she would not look at me or talk to me if she could help it. With her, it was more complicated. I would never even acknowledge I could smell it on her or just swat it away as a passing teenage crush.

But I just couldn’t stay away.

Instead I ranted and raved and scowled and behaved like a raging beast in general, cringing at my own behaviour sometimes thinking how mom would react if she knew. But she was not there anymore. I knew I would need to do that to survive, to keep people from questioning, to assert my authority and to make myself look stronger than I really was. Nobody should know I still woke up from sleep, screaming and after that I cried myself to sleep, holding close to my chest a bent and charred piece of metal that was the remnant of a picture frame. Nobody should have been fucking allowed to see how deep the scars ran. Nobody should have known why I didn’t like to be touched.

Scott absolutely hated me. My pack left me. Deaton was exasperated with me. But the Stilniskis...they wouldn’t be cowered, neither of them. 

I tried to get away on an emotional level. I sought out other people – Jennifer, Braeden...anybody to fill the void...anybody at all to make me forget the smell of sunshine. How stupid I was!

Then Kate happened.

Again and again and again. She would keep coming back to torment me like a demon from my past.

That one time, she had Vi. 

I had to distract her until Scott arrived and so I called her in the old name that she taught me when I was sixteen. I felt hot and cold all over with goosebumps rising along my spine when she tore my jeans away. I let myself shut down. She would do whatever she might and touch me however she might, but she wouldn’t touch that one sacred place in my mind where I held the memory of the scent – the smell of rain and of sunshine. But I couldn’t keep down my screaming. The screams tore from me as she proceeded to work on me and I was ashamed that I couldn’t stop. I wanted to beg her to stop. She was stirring memories that I had buried too deep...things that I had done with her, things that I had LET her do to me...and that I enjoyed it. I fucking enjoyed her beating the living daylight out of me and I enjoyed her cutting into my flesh in a perverted way. I had enjoyed the bondage and the rough sex, being stupid and sixteen. I was convinced this was what I needed and deserved. Now she was back again and I was at her mercy, again. She was not playing with a sixteen year old anymore. She meant to hurt me and hurt me she did. I wanted to throw up. I would rather pour acid on my own skin than let her touch me, but she had Vi. I screamed and I screamed and I waited.

Finally when all was over, I saw through the haze surrounding my vision to see Vi approaching me and I felt her fingers on my hair. I recoiled instantly. How could I let her touch me? NO FUCKING WAY!

And then there was Stiles. I would have to be blind not to see how deeply he felt for me. Sometimes I idly thought it would be so easy to let myself go. Sometimes I wondered what if I did let him in. He was somehow not as fragile as Vi and he would survive if I am gone (dead or just gone) while Vi definitely wouldn’t. Surely I deserved a little of that – how it felt to be genuinely loved, how it felt to be touched by somebody who loved you. Then I would shut off the wandering thoughts, closing myself in.

I thought I was doing a good job of it and even felt a bit smug about it.

Then she went ahead and died.

And then I lost it.

That moment when I threw down a handful of lilies into her grave, I prayed to God or to devil whoever was listening to make her come back. That I would be different for what was the fucking point after all. She was gone knowing I didn’t love her and what good did it do.

Still, old habits die hard. I had it ingrained in me that I would need to keep Vi away from me for in my mind I equalled to fucked-up and danger and death and destruction all around.

I almost made it...almost.

...

I didn’t regret the choice I had made, especially when she was in my arms, buried deep in my chest with my scent mingling with hers.

But sometimes when I lay awake at night with her curled up by my side I wondered if I had made the right decision by her, when I couldn’t be intimate with her, try as I might. I wanted her – her scent driving me crazy, almost making me wolf out, but I couldn’t bear her to touch me. I wanted to claw out my eyes in frustration, but she would hug me and murmur into my ears that it was all right and that she would always be mine anyway and that it didn’t matter.

I wondered if I made the right decision in times like this when she had been ranting for the last one hour about how badly I had hurt her feelings at the pack meeting this morning or how I had run to this house last evening in blinding rain.

I wondered...because I had no recollection of these.

I should have known I would be a danger to her. I really, really should have learnt my lesson. 

I should just stay away from her...from Stiles...I should just stay away from people in general.

I should stay away with only my nightmares to keep me company.


	5. Unreality

Vi’s POV:

Derek had been avoiding me for the last two days. Tomorrow he would travel to Florida with Theo. I arrived at his loft after closing the shop. 

Derek slid the door open with a frown.

“What are you doing here?” He asked.

I didn’t answer, but just shoved him a little to step inside. I put the brown paper bag on the coffee table. Derek looked at it with one raised eyebrow. I rolled my eyes and plopped down on the couch.

“Come. Sit.” I ordered, patting the space beside me. "I brought you brownies." I jerked my chin towards the brown paper bag. 

Derek stood stiffly without moving a muscle, brows drawn down in a heavy scowl.

“Der.” I stared at him expectantly. “Please.”

“I thought I told you I need to be alone.” Derek crossed his arms across his chest. His face was a cold mask, betraying no emotion.

“Derek,” I said tiredly. “Can we please not.”

Derek’s frown deepened.

“I don’t like fighting with you.” I pleaded.

He was still standing stiffly, like an exquisite statue carved in marble.

“You are going away tomorrow.” I sighed defeated. “I needed to see you.”

“I will be gone for three days only.” He said, voice bordering on exasperation.

“I know.” I conceded. “But you are going with Theo.”

“Your confidence in my fighting ability is really gratifying.” Derek said with clenched jaw. My mouth dropped open at the harshness of his tone.

“Der –” I bit my lips to keep it from quivering. “How can I forget the last time when Theo and you were –” I trailed off.

Derek flushed angrily.

“I did what I had to do that time.” His tone was icy and I knew I had stuck a raw nerve. “It was a conscious decision on my part.”

Derek didn’t like feeling vulnerable and he didn’t like to let others see he was vulnerable. I thought he would be different with me. Well, apparently not!

“May be you need to think a little bit about what others feel about the decisions you make.” I said.

“May be you are being a little clingy.” The words came out from his mouth like a whiplash. I squeezed my eyes and rolled my shoulders. So he had decided to be THAT again! I slowly opened my eyes to see he was standing in the exact same posture.

“Derek,” I said, trying hard to keep my voice level. “I understand you are afraid, no scratch that, terrified and not for yourself, but for us. But this is not the way you deal with it.” I stood up. I had to tilt my head back to look into his eyes – all mosses and storm – preternaturally beautiful but utterly cold again, cold like glistening marbles. I wanted to reach out and kiss away the tiny downward curve at one corner of his mouth, I wanted to rest my forehead against his, smoothing down the creases. I wanted to burrow into that chest, where his heart thumped steadily, but telling so many stories with those never-faltering steadiness.

“Der...” My eyes had begun to water. “Please don’t do this. We need you. I need you.” I whispered.

Derek abruptly turned and walked away and stood by the window with his back towards me.

“Derek.” I hated it when my voice broke at the last syllable. I knew he was doing it for me, for some misguided reason that he was somehow protecting me, protecting us. But it still hurt. It hurt so bad. 

“Please leave.” He said. 

“I will see you after you come back?” I asked tremulously with my heart at my throat.

Derek’s shoulders sagged down a bit and he turned back. His face was still unreadable, but his eyes had softened to several degrees.

“You will.” He said after a heartbeat.

I heaved a sigh and left.

Derek’s POV:

I woke up with a jolt to find myself lying on the cold floor of my loft and a circle of mountain ash around me. I sprang up and growled at the figure standing above me, just outside the barrier.

Long blond hair, slender body, angular face, brown eyes – Kate fucking Argent!

I held up my hand and started counting the fingers, just like Stiles had taught me.

“Spare us the drama Derek.” Kate spoke up. “We both know I am already dead and you are asleep.”

My eyes snapped up to her face. She was smiling. I closed my eyes. Everything was coming back to me. And my breathing hitched. I let my fags down and bit my lip, drawing blood, counting my heartbeats, willing it to come down. I would not show weakness to the bitch, dream or otherwise.

“What are you doing here?” I finally managed to grind out.

“Oh sweetie. I can invade your personal spaces anytime. Even your dreams feature me.” She laughed 

“The dreams that feature monsters are called nightmares.”

“How charming.” She said pleasantly. “Good to know you still have your sass.”

“Why can’t you just stay dead?”

“Nah...it is boring.” Kate made a face. I tried to force down my panic. It was only a dream, I chanted to myself. It was my own dream and I should have been able to end it.

I let my claws extend and bury them in my thighs. I gasped in pain.

“What are you doing?” Kate sounded annoyed.

I didn’t bother to answer her.

“Well I have important information for you. So if you wake up, you are not going to hear it.” Kate shrugged. “Your loss.”

I made myself meet her eyes again.

“What information?”

“Well the good people of Beacon Hills are content knowing there hasn’t been a monster loose among them of late, but they are wrong. There is one, right now. Or should I say there is still one that is on the loose.” 

“I am not a monster.” 

“Well Scott and Stiles and Chris and Allison and many others would beg to differ.”

“They wouldn’t. Not any more.” I shook my head.

Kate raised one eyebrow.

“What if you really are what everybody thought you are Derek? What if you ARE the monster?” Her lips curled up in a cruel smile.

“I must say you have worked really hard to earn their trust. But what if it is proved to be a sham. What if you turn out to be as much an evil manipulator as everyone thought you to be when you first moved back to Beacon Hills?”

“They are my friends.” I said quietly. “They trust me.”

“Oh...do they now?” She arched one dark eyebrow.

“Where are your friends now, Derek?” She taunted. “Where is Vi? The person you trust the most or probably it is Stiles?”

“Stay away from them?” I snarled at her.

“I wonder, if you just shed all your inhibitions and get to choose between the two, without suppressing down your real feelings, whom would you choose?” She smiled darkly.

I leapt towards her, fully wolfed out, only to be repelled back by the mountain ash barrier.

“Oh I know. You would like to have them both, don’t you?” She went on, ignoring my snarling.

“What if I cast a spell on them and they willingly sleep with you, together. Wouldn’t it be a dream come true for you?”

My blood ran cold.

“NO...” I pressed against the mountain ash barrier again only to be pushed back. “Don’t you dare...I am going to fucking kill you. I promise I am going to kill you again. Even if you are already dead.”

“Huh...interesting.” She cocked her head. “I am thinking I would just take both of them away from you. Bit by bit. I would take them all – Vi, Stiles, Scott, Lydia, Chris, the Sheriff and the entire pack. I will show everybody your true colours.”

“This is my true colour.” I pleaded.

“Nope. Not good enough. You have stolen too much respect, too much love, too much affection, like a fucking parasite that you are that thrives on the warm fuzzy feeling of love. Even Chris seems to be taken to you now! This is completely outrageous. Chris who used to be so strong and level-headed, he seems to fucking love you, like a son he never had!” She spat venomously. “How did you manage to worm your way into his heart?”

I remained quiet. Truth was, it was puzzling to me too. I didn’t see himself as a very good or noble person. I didn’t know what changed Chris’s opinion of me. Nobody better than him knew how much of a danger I was to the people around me. I knew I was a foul-tempered, arrogant bastard who didn’t deserve anybody’s affection. But they gave it all the same, freely.

“Doesn’t matter now. All these are coming to an end. Your story is coming to an end and it is not going to end on a happy note.” Kate babbled.

“Why don’t you just kill me.” I asked her simply. There was no use snarling. I felt resigned and mildly curious.

“No. I won’t kill you. That would be too easy. I will leave you to be hunted down by the very people you care for the most. I will leave you alive so that you can see the hate in their eyes when they say your name. I will make you a monster in their eyes, again.”

When I woke up, I was in my bed and there was no sign of mountain ash or of anybody breaking into the loft, but there was a very familiar residue scent left by somebody and she was in great distress.

I picked up my phone to call Vi. For some reason I opened the call log. There was an unknown number and it was an outgoing call. Apparently I had called a stranger and had talked for a good thirty minutes and had no recollection of the entire conversation. At all!

I dropped the phone back on the table as if it burned me. 

Vi’s POV:

Stiles called me while I was in the middle of a class. Yes we were continuing with our lives, pretending to be normal, for there was no point in holding up everything based on guessworks and unknown fears.

I disconnected the call and texted him to message me back.

‘Are you guys selling DW?’

‘What’ – I answered back immediately.

‘Hayden was asking Liam. Liam called me. Since I have no fucking clue I am asking you.’

‘What???’ I wrote again.

‘So I guess you don’t have a clue either.’ Came the pat reply.

‘NO.’ I sent, my hands trembling a bit.

‘Who told Hayden? How do you know it is true?’ I wrote again.

‘Apparently a friend of Hayden was boasting how her dad was holding talks with the owner of the hot new cake shop about taking over the business.’  


I switched off the phone.

I knew Derek would never be intentionally cruel to me, but I didn’t know how to interpret this. I had put a lot of myself into our quaint little shop. In a way it was symbolic to me – a symbol for hope and for future and for moving forward. The shop was a proof Derek could be more than a dark vigilante and become a normal member of the society. Though Derek was not wildly enthusiastic (I couldn’t quite picture Derek to be wildly enthusiastic about anything other than beating an enemy to pulp), he never gave off the vibe of being resentful. In fact, I suspected he enjoyed spending time in the shop more than he would show. I knew his mother was an amazing cook. The single happy memory I had of visiting the Hale house with Cora when I was ten was Talia offering me these cookies which tasted like heaven. I knew the smell of baking made Derek nostalgic, though as far as I knew him he would pluck out his eyes with wolfsbane-laced arrowheads than admitting it.

So, there was probably only one option to think of. He was going to break up with me. In his convoluted brain he would somehow equate it with protecting me. I felt numb and I was totally blanking out on whatever the hell the teacher was saying.


	6. The monster and the little things

Vi’s POV:

Derek had returned from Florida last night (and I had exhaled the metaphorical breath I was holding for apparently it was blissfully uneventful), but he was yet to call me or Scott. The three of us were at our house when Theo called to pass on the cryptic message from the clairvoyant to Scott: 

“Look deep into your soul,” she had said, “and hold a candle to the darkness.”

“What darkness?” Scott asked Theo. “Did she say anything specific?”

“I asked her exactly that,” Theo had answered. “She said the darkness was a part of us. It was not evil in the same way a spider is not evil.”

“And?” Scott prompted.

“That was it.” Theo had said. 

Scott hung up, shoulders drooped in disappointment.

“Well we didn’t need to travel all the way to Florida to find a female version of Deaton.” Stiles threw his hands in air.

“Maybe Derek will have something more useful to say?” Scott turned towards me.

I shook my head.

“I am not calling that son of a bitch. He will put on air and will be at his insufferable best. You go talk to him.”

Scott looked at Stiles and had a silent communication.

“Ok, we are going to buttonhole him at his loft.” Scott agreed.

“Malia wants to go too.” Stiles chewed his lower lip. “She is worried about him.”

I suddenly remembered Derek was Malia’s only blood relative left alive. Beneath her tough and badass exterior, Malia was still a lost and scared little girl. Of late she had come to look up to Derek as sort of an older brother and Derek seemed to enjoy the roll. He missed Cora badly and whereas Malia was not a substitute for her, she was, after all a Hale, no matter she chose to use the surname or not.

Scott looked at me, eyebrows raised in silent question.

“No,” I shook my head. “I am not coming. You guys go ahead.” I didn’t have it in me to face Derek right at this moment only to be cold-shouldered by him. I did plan a long conversation about our shop though, but today was just not the day. I was too tired for it.

Once Scott and Stiles were gone I went downstairs to prepare dinner. 

Dad padded to the kitchen and sat down on a stool.

“You didn’t go to your shop today?” He asked.

“It is not my shop.” I sighed.

“How is Helen.” I asked him, trying to get off the topic. Helen Barnes, if I had forgotten to mention, was the mystery woman dad was dating. The day she came down for dinner, her name had totally slipped off my mind even after dad had introduced her over the dinner (he had forgotten to do that as he should have upon entering, but he was nervous).

Dad was silent for a moment or two.

“Dad?” I stopped stirring my soup and turned round to look at him.

Dad’s face was tired and drawn and the salt smell of sadness was coming out of him in waves. 

“I think it is a bit too late for dating. I think it is actually silly.” Dad sighed.

“What? No!” I said indignantly. “You deserve to be with somebody to love you and take care of you. You are not THAT old. Where are you getting these ideas from?”

“Well,” dad was still not looking me into the eyes. “It seems you guys had already met Helen when she visited your little shop.”

I tensed up immediately. “What has she told you?” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop myself.

Dad smiled wanly. “Ok, so your reaction confirmed what Derek said.”

“What?” I gaped at dad. I couldn’t believe it. Neither Derek nor I liked Helen, but he would never go and actively tattle to dad about her visit to Devil’s Own. That would be too cruel. Only a person with no basic human decency would do that!

“What did he say?” I asked in a strangled voice.

“Well, he had accidentally dropped that Helen had visited your shop. When I expressed my surprise over why neither she nor Derek gave it away when they met here, Derek just started being evasive.” Dad had a wreaked look on his face and my heart was just breaking inside me.

“You know I am not exactly an idiot. I have seen how stiff you and Derek were throughout the dinner.” Dad grimaced. “I remembered the day you were ranting about a customer flirting with Derek.

“It was not her.” I said quickly.

Dad gave a sad smile again. “I may not be a werewolf, but it is my job to be a human lie detector. And you were never as good as Stiles to be able to bluff me.”  


I stared at dad for a half a minute then before I knew what I was doing I left the kitchen and ran up to my room. I picked up my phone to call Derek.

“Vi,” Derek’s voice came through the phone, clipped and monotonic. 

“You know it is the little things that make somebody a good person.” I pushed past the lump in my throat. “I thought you were a good person.”

“I never claimed to be a good person Vi.” Derek’s voice was grave. I wanted nothing but to run down to his loft and hold him close and to shake the truth out of him. I didn’t want to fight with him. I didn’t want to think badly of him either. But I couldn’t ignore the things he had done – little things mattered.

“Oh spare us your drama.” I half yelled into the phone. “If you want to break up with me just go ahead and do it.” It seemed my heart would burst out of the ribcage, but I just ignored the wild thumping and continued, stamping down on my emotions going haywire.

“Would you just tell me what is the matter?” Derek sounded exasperated and that breached the dam for me. He didn’t even give a flying fuck about our shop or about hurting dad’s feeling or about the hot and cold act he was continuing with me. He didn’t even know these things would upset me.

I heaved a sigh. I was fucking tired of his game.

“I think I have begun to reassess the kind of person that you are.” I hissed into the phone. “Goodnight Derek. With all the pain you are causing us, I hope you are sleeping well.”

Stiles’s POV:

If I was engrossed in doing my assignment which was due yesterday and not lying on my back, staring at the ceiling vacantly, I might have missed the muffled thud from my sister’s room. I sprang up and grabbed my trusty baseball bat. Dad was working and Vi was at Lydia’s place, having a sleep over. I had half a mind to reach for my crossbow which was on the top of the cupboard, but then I thought it might be something harmless, like a cat, though it didn’t sound like it.

I gripped the bat tightly and grabbed the door knob of Vi’s room. Before I could turn it the door flung open and I swung the bat blindly with as much force as I could muster...

“I am sorry.” I squeaked for the fifth time.

Derek glared up from the bloodied tissues wiping the blood that was still trickling down his nose. I thought I had broken the thing, which would be a damn shame because, well Derek’s nose was beautiful, like his everything else. Thank God for the werewolf healing, otherwise I would never forgive myself!

“Well, don’t glare at me.” I snapped at him. “I thought by now you have become domesticated enough to learn to use the front door and not to sneak through the window.”

“Vi wouldn’t see me.” Derek said flatly. “She wouldn’t talk to me.” He added after a pause. “She isn’t answering my calls, not even text messages.”

I looked over at Derek, sitting at the revolving chair in front of my study desk. He looked paler than usual, there were purple bruises under his eyes and his body seemed to hunch on itself. If I didn’t know better I would have thought he was sick, but then, hello...werewolves. On top of everything he was looking more resigned and broody than he had been for the last couple of years. In fact, come to think of it, he was looking remarkably similar to what he used to be like when we first met him lurking around the Hale house, spending most of the time as a fugitive from the law.

“Well she is upset with you.” I said. “And with good reasons too, come to think of it.”

“I didn’t...”

“Whatever man.” I held up a hand. “I don’t want to hear about it.”

A couple of seconds of hurt silence followed and shit I didn’t want to say it like that. Then he looked at me with those fucking eyes. I felt like a moron!  


“Why not?” Derek said tightly.

“I am...” I sighed. “You should try to talk to Vi.”

“That is why I came here.” Derek looked away. I heard what he didn’t say, that she was not here to listen and that while she had friends and an entire support group to turn to, Derek really didn’t have anyone to go to. Well, the thought DIDN’T make my heart lurch in my chest. At all! 

I badly wanted to say something, anything that would make him feel a little better. Hell, I would chop off an arm to see a genuine smile on his face. Well, I was really done for, I thought bitterly.

“Are you not sleeping well?” I blurted out when I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

Derek shot a glance at me that seemed to say well, duh!

“What is it?” I gently probed. “Nightmares again?” I remembered he had a vivid nightmare, the details of which he never divulged to us, but one that made him terrified enough to run through a thunderstorm to come check on us.

Derek’s forehead scrunched. “I am fine.” He said between clenched teeth.

Suddenly he stood up and strode towards the window. Well that was just like Derek, disappearing in the middle of a conversation without even so much as a goodbye or an awkward shuffle. Then again, he had got out of this habit of late. 

“Hey, where do you think you are going sourwolf?” I called back and Derek’s back stiffened.

“Why do you keep calling me that?” Derek sounded angry, but he didn’t turn back.

“Because that is what you are.” I smirked. “It is an awesome name.”

Derek didn’t dignify it with a reply but just slid the window open.

“Derek fucking Hale.” I half yelled at him. “Sit the hell down and finish a conversation.” I couldn’t let him leave like this. He was my friend. I was sure my brain just snorted at me at that, but I didn’t really care.

Derek turned back scowling. 

“I thought you didn’t want to talk to me.”

“I...” I heaved a sigh. “I am sorry. Ok. Just...don’t go.” I didn’t care that I pleaded, but I couldn’t bear the thought of Derek going back to his lonely loft with that sad face and that defeated curve of his shoulders that was so uncharacteristic of him and just...brood.

Derek still hadn’t moved away from the window. I sighed and stood up. I went over to him and grabbed one wrist.

“Come on.” I said and he looked at me strangely without moving. He was standing stiffly, but somehow I felt he was just one little shove away from breaking down. 

“Come on...I will listen to whatever you have to say.” I tugged at his wrist again, aware of the delicious warmth of his skin.

Derek still didn’t budge, but kept on staring into my eyes with his intense, unnerving eyes, looking for all the world like desperately searching for something.

“Why do you care?” Derek finally asked. His voice was a monotone, but his eyes were saying a different story altogether. And oh fuck...I almost lost myself in those green and hazel and silver swirls right there.

“Why wouldn’t I,” I averted my eyes with actual physical effort. “given the number of times we have saved each other’s lives.”

I tugged at his hand again, “come on sourwolf.”

“Kate called me that.” Derek suddenly whispered and his tone made me jerk my head up and look at him.

Oh dear God!

“She called me sourface...beside the other things.” Derek’s hands had begun to tremble ever so slightly. Without realising what I was doing I grabbed both his hands. The trembling didn’t stop, if anything, his entire body began to shake.

“She made me...” Derek closed his eyes.

“Derek...you don’t have to tell me about THAT!” I panicked for I was not sure I would be able to bear it.

“The worst thing is that I enjoyed it. I enjoyed myself when I was with her...I was...I liked it with her. How fucked up is that?” Derek went on like he hadn’t heard me at all.

“And each time I thought her g...g...gone, she k-keeps coming back.” Derek’s teeth had started chattering and he was shivering uncontrollably. 

“I keep on dreaming about her. I k-k-keep on...” He sucked in a breath. “She keeps coming back...” Derek’s knees buckled under him and I slipped my hands under his armpits to prop him up and held him against the wall so that he didn’t fall facedown on the floor.

“The other day I was at the c-c-coffee shop and a dark-haired girl ordered a pumpkin spice latte. That is Laura’s favourite.” Derek suddenly changed track.

I swallowed at the use of present tense.

“Mathew likes cappuccino though and dad takes it black, just like me.” Holy hell...he was having flashbacks. 

“I couldn’t get that stain of blood off my shirt. It was my favourite.” Derek looked at me with pleading eyes, like he was trying to make me understand. I didn’t even know whose blood he was talking about for there were too many or it could have been one of the countless times he was bleeding...to death.

“Derek,” I felt myself on the verge of tears. I didn’t know what was wrong with him and I didn’t know how to comfort him and the sight of him was pretty much breaking my heart.

I repositioned myself and looped his hand around my shoulders to carry/drag him towards the bed. It was proving to be difficult for his legs were not co-operating.

Finally I managed to make him sit on the edge of the bed. Derek hugged his elbows and looked down on the floor. He was still shivering.

"Derek, buddy." I patted his cheek gently. "Please come back to me." 

He looked at me with wide vacant eyes. "She is here...again. Erik is in danger. Mom, dad...Laura." He squeezed his eyes shut and big, fat tears rolled down his cheek.

“They are dead aren't they? They are dead because of me." Derek asked urgently. "She keeps on insisting I am the monster...that beneath it all I still am.” 

“You are not a monster Derek.” I hovered around him, not sure how best to comfort him.

“Why is Vi not talking to me then?” Derek looked at me sharply. Vi was Derek’s biggest champion right from the start. 

“Well...”

“I am not able to sleep.” Derek suddenly changed track again.

“What?”

“I have not been sleeping for the past few weeks. At all. At least not when I go to bed.” He whispered. Well, at least he was talking coherently again and the shivering had subsided. But the haunted look was still very much there. I hoped talking with me helped.

“What do you mean you have not been sleeping? You just said you are having nightmares.”

“That is it. I don’t know if they are nightmares.” Derek said, his eyes large and impossibly vulnerable.

“They are like...memories. I don’t remember sleeping or waking up from them. The only thing I know when I go to bed, I just lie awake. The entire night.”

Derek shook his head. “I feel so fucking tired all the time. I don’t know what is real any more. I just want to...” He buried his face in his hands.

“Hey...hey,” I pulled his hands away from his face and grabbed it between mine. Normally it would make me fear for my limbs, but I did not, I couldn’t feel scared of him. I wanted to comfort him. I just wanted to hide him in my room and never let him go and never let anything hurt him again. I just couldn’t bear to see his tears.

So when he opened his eyes, that gorgeous green framed by long wet lashes, raw pain etched into them, I couldn’t help brushing away his tears with my thumbs.  


“Shhh...it is ok.” I soothed. “I am here. I will always be here. For you.”

Derek froze for a moment with his mouth hanging open and the next thing I knew he grabbed my head and met my lips in a crushing kiss.

The moment my lips met his, it was like everything just went up in flames. I lost the tenuous self control I had and just let go for I was completely helpless against it.

Derek was going full throttle on my lips, biting down, swirling his tongue just inside the rims of my mouth and I couldn’t help the involuntary moan. I clutched his hair and crushed myself against him. I stood between his legs, flush against him, chest to chest...and I wanted more of him...I wanted it all.

Derek’s lips had left mine only to trail kisses along the jawline with his breath hot on my cheek. I was this close to hyperventilating, but Derek was relentless. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and he took one of my earlobes in his mouth and sucked delicately. 

“Mmmmm...” I hummed against his neck. “More,” I garbled. “I...want...”

And Derek’s hands were at my waist, tugging upward. After a brief and breathless struggle we managed to get rid of our respective t-shirts. I brushed my palms over Derek’s torso...it felt like heaven...the coiled muscles and the sleeping power beneath the flawless, velvet skin. Derek’s lips were on mine again – hungry, demanding, rough and his hands were at my waist pulling down my sweatpants. I was happy for the time being admiring his chest, the bunched up muscles of his back, his arms, his face, the impossibly soft stubbles and let him take charge.

What seemed like moments I had my sweatpants and my boxer briefs discarded on the floor and Derek physically lifted me from the floor to slam me down on the bed. Derek hovered over me, still wearing jeans, with his eyes intense and focussed and I had never been so turned on in my life.

He reached between my legs while looking me into the eyes all the time and holy fucking Jesus...I almost came then and there!

Suddenly my phone rang. Both of us jumped at the sound. 

Derek looked at the phone and looked at me. I shook my head, hoping the message went across. Derek let the phone ring and went back to deliciously torture me. The phone started ringing again. 

This time Derek got up with a huff, reached for the phone and switched if off.

I grabbed Derek’s head and lowered his lips onto me. He kissed me, no, scratch that, he devoured my lips, like I was his favourite dessert and I just couldn’t take it...too much feelings, like my heart would burst out of my rib cage. I reached between his legs too and started palming him and even through the rough fabric of the jeans I felt he was hard as rock.

Derek made a growling noise at the back of his throat and when he lifted his head I saw his eyes had turned electric blue.

“Derek,” I squeaked.

“Stiles...” His voice was a throaty whisper.

“I am...ahhhh...I” My eyes almost rolled back into my head at what Derek was doing down there. “I don’t have...lube.” I finished the sentence gritting my teeth.  


Derek smirked. “Only you can say something like that at this point.”

“Yup...” I bit my lip harder, drawing blood so that I would not just scream Derek’s name wantonly into the night air.

“Do you have olive oil?” Derek asked a little breathlessly. “I can fetch it from the kitchen.”

“Yes please...” I pleaded. I wanted Derek inside me and the need was burning a hole in me. I had to have him. Otherwise I would go mad.

“Somebody is eager.” Derek smirked and pecked on my lips before disappearing. “Stay here.” He ordered before going out of the door.

In the silence that followed I tried to gather my wits about me. What the hell was I doing? What the hell Derek thought he was doing? Suddenly it came crushing back to me. What about Vi? How did Derek coming to Vi to apologise ended up having almost-sex with her brother. 

Minutes ticked by and Derek didn’t return. I got up with a sigh. It was a huge mistake. I climbed down from the bed, grabbed my sweatpants and t-shirt and headed for the bathroom. I would have to finish the job alone. I couldn’t let Derek go through it. When he came to his senses he would hate me forever.  


I emerged from the bathroom and came back to my room. There was no sign of Derek. Had he realised his mistake and left? No, he wouldn’t do that to me. He wouldn’t run like a fucking coward. I climbed down the stairs and approached the kitchen. There was still no sign of him.

I sighed again and walked up to the refrigerator and stopped short in my track.

Well, there he was, curling into a ball on the floor, asleep, given the way his mouth had gone slack and that he was snoring a little and drooling slightly on the kitchen tiles. He looked downright edible. I pinched the bridge of my nose. No chance in hell of finishing what we started in my room and I felt like a little piece of shit to even consciously think like that. 

The door bell rang.

Fuck, fuck, fuck...it could be anybody! It could be dad or God forbid it could be Vi though she would most likely use the window. And Derek was sleeping blissfully on the kitchen floor, a no-shirt-on Derek!

The door bell rang again, angrily. Then someone pounded on the door. Whoever was there, was getting impatient.

I prayed to every God that included the ET’s (hey they too come from the sky!) and opened the door to reveal a very agitated Scott standing there.

Before I could open my mouth Scott shoved me aside to let himself in.

“What the fuck dude?” I trailed behind him while he made a beeline for the kitchen.

“You were not picking up the phone. I got worried. Why does it smell like...” Oh shit...!

“I was SLEEPING.” I yelled at him. “God, Scott, paranoid much?”

And Derek chose the exact moment to wake up, head bumping against the corner of the sink and all.

Scott’s eyes went wide.

“What....the actual fuck???”

Derek rubbed the back of his head absently while taking in his surroundings groggily. Then he froze, each single fibre of his body became tense like a coiled spring.  


He sprang up to his feet in impossible speed.

Scott looked between me and Derek in quick successions like he was watching a speed chess match. His glare was becoming more and more accusatory with every passing second.

“Dude...”

“It is not what you are thinking.” I put up my palms, defensively. What did I mean by that? It was exactly what he was thinking and SMELLING!

“Stiles?” My head snapped up to Derek’s and I felt a punch at the guts for his face was ASHEN and his eyes were huge in his face. Compared to now, the sickly Derek who had crawled through the window an hour ago was the paragon of health.

“Wh...” And before I could form a coherent word Derek leapt over the kitchen counter, grabbed my arms, picked me up with feet dangling and all and slammed me against the wall. Then he snarled in my face, fangs down. Utter, white terror filled my mind for this was NOTHING like his playful shovelling (I didn’t understand up to this moment how much he used hold back for I had never seen the real deal).

“What the fuck have you done?” It seemed it took supreme effort to have each word pass his lips. 

“Der...”

“Don’t you fucking dare play games Stiles.” Derek roared right into my face and I felt my sweatpants dampen between my legs. I didn’t even have it in me to feel ashamed for I was completely petrified.

Derek’s eyes flickered down and for a millisecond his face softened, green jostled against the electric blue and Scott chose this time to rip Derek bodily away. He was hurled against the kitchen counter and I heard the unmistakable and sickening sound of bones crunching. But Derek was immediately on his feet again and he had had eyes only for me. At least this time his face was human.

As soon as Derek had left his stronghold I had sunk down on the ground like a ragdoll. As Derek towered over me with Scott bodily blocking him, fully wolfed out, I drew my knees to my chest and huffed out one breath after the other shakily.

“Derek,” Scott finally shifted back but his voice was still growly. “I can’t believe you did THAT to Stiles or to Vi.”

Derek’s head snapped to Scott and it was like he was seeing Scott for the first time.

“What?” He asked genuinely confused. “I didn’t do anything.”

“Of course not.” Finally, I had found my voice. “Other than kissing me and almost fucking me on my bed.”

Colour drained from his face again and he seemed terrified. I had never seen him like this except for when Vi died. I didn’t understand what his deal was. Was he in denial?

“I...I am sorry,” Derek fixed me with a look, the look of a terrified 23-year old kid who was going out of his mind...but he wouldn’t pull that shit with me the second time. I pointedly looked away.

“Stiles...I...” Derek sounded absolutely wrecked. “I am so sorry. I didn’t...I am...sorry –”

“Get out.” Scott said to Derek in a low voice.

“Stiles LOOK at me.” The voice raw with pain twisted like a knife inside me. But I just couldn’t bring myself to face him. I was feeling hollow.

“Get...out.” Scott gritted out.

“I didn’t –”

“The only reason I am not ripping out your throat right now is out of consideration of Vi’s feelings.” Scott said in an ice-cold voice, his alpha voice. “If you don’t get your filthy self out of this house this instant I won’t be able to control myself.”

I hazarded a look at Derek again for I simply couldn’t take the suspense any more. There he stood, hunched down on himself and face pale as death, hazel-green eyes glittering like a pair of bright jewels. Derek was crying, silently, not even noticing the tears that were brimming over. Even this broken, he looked devastatingly beautiful...

“Just...go Derek.” I mumbled. “Your shirt is in my room, where you left it.”

Derek blinked twice, thrice. He looked shocked. Then something clicked in him as he squared his shoulders and his stance changed subtly. He became stiff, like a robot and it was like he forcibly shut down all his emotions, leaving his face blank and emotionless. Finally he went past Scott and climbed up.

Scott had his head tilted as he listened for some sounds. After a few seconds he heaved a sigh.

“He is gone.” He sank down beside me, back resting against the wall.

“Wanna talk about it?” He asked looking straight ahead.

“Not really.” I hugged my knees. “I didn’t mean for it to happen.”

“I know,” Scott put a hand on my kneecap. “I know.”


	7. The three hands of revenge

Stiles's POV: 

Chris Argent was coming back to BH and he had called ahead to tell Scott to arrange a meeting. He still couldn’t quite make himself say the word ‘pack meeting’ which would mean he was, in fact a legitimate member of the pack. After all he was, still in principle, a hunter, but his motto had changed: ‘we protect those who cannot protect themselves’. It was his dead daughter Allison who had taught him that, Allison who had gone down with her bow drawn in her hand, smiling, taking down an evil oni. She had gone down saving her friends. She had died because of me!

I shook away the disturbing memory and focussed on Scott babbling about how Chris had naturally assumed we were meeting at Derek’s loft, but Scott had corrected him and said it would be at our home. Chris hadn’t read too much into it. 

“Do you think he is going to come?” I tried to concentrate on what Scott was talking about while parking the jeep in front of our house. Scott and I used my Roscoe while the three girls rode together in Lydia’s van. The fact that both Scott and I had most classes in common was an advantage.

“Who? What?” I asked distractedly. I had failed to submit my assignment and my professor had pleasantly called out my name to tell me I was wanted at his office after the class. I had been impatiently gnawing my fingernails while he lectured me about being responsible for future etc. and that further lapses on my part wouldn’t be tolerated. My mind was wandering over Derek, Lydia’s ‘condition’ and...other stuff...and mostly Derek. I was thinking where exactly did we go wrong. Who exactly was it that overstepped and why the fuck Derek behaved afterwards the way he did. 

Since the time we had known Derek, in spite of all the growling and shoving and threatening glares he had actually physically hurt me deliberately only one time – when I pimped him out to Danny. Come to think of it, with his past it was natural for him to feel used up, however innocent it might seem. I just assumed a guy who looked like him would be comfortable showing off. Well, evidently I had been spending too much time around Jackson! Derek's muscles and obsessive work-outs were about survival and it got nothing to do with vanity.

Anyways, Scott was giving me the ‘look’.

“Yeah...right.” I said vaguely.

“Dude I asked if you think Derek would be there. At the meeting...like for the third time in a row.” Scott rolled his eyes at me.

“You sent the bulk SMS to the pack, right?” I frowned. “Why wouldn’t he come?” 

I wasn’t comfortable NOT having Derek around during a pack meeting, even with all his splendid douchebaggery. I still remembered, albeit grudgingly, how we were all groping in the darkness about Vi’s kidnapping before he turned up or how he coaxed Theo to give up the precious elixir to bring Vi back to life. Well I was zoning out again.

“What do you think?” Scott huffed. “He is a classic escapist. He would be hiding out in his pathetic loft. Do you imagine he has it in him to –” Scott broke off in the midway. 

“No fucking way. How dare he?”

Dad opened the door and even before entering I saw Derek standing inside the room, staring right at us.

I clenched my jaw.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Scott asked roughly, walking past a very confused dad.

“Scott, what is the matter?” He asked.

“It is ok John.” Derek’s voice was cold, measured. “Scott and Stiles are mad at me.”

“No shit Sherlock.” I snorted, but a bone-chilling dread spread over me as I took in Vi at the kitchen preparing coffee. Malia and Kira were sitting on the sofa discussing something in a low voice. But Lydia who was sitting in an armchair had her attention riveted towards us.

She narrowed her eyes and looked between Derek and Scott. 

“Guys...” she started.

“I think it is time we start with the business, shall we?” Derek raised one eyebrow at a fuming Scott.

Well, let us face it, Derek was impressive, standing tall, arms crossed, shoulders squared and an air of coolness around him that betrayed whatever tension he felt underneath. His mere presence inspired confidence. It had always been the case, even when he had lost his werewolf abilities. I put a hand on Scott’s arm, passing on a silent message. Asshole or not we would need Derek with us.

Well, it was Scott who totally lost it.

“I don’t think you are welcome here anymore.”

With a corner of my eyes I could see dad’s eyebrows climbing up.

All people present had now stopped talking and were looking at Scott curiously. Vi was the only person still moving about, unconcerned.

Derek threw an unimpressed look at Scott that actually spoke volumes without saying anything.

“Scott,” I hissed and dug my nails into Scott’s arm. “This is NOT the fucking time.”

“Scott?” Dad approached the scene cautiously. “What is the matter?”

“Nothing is the matter.” I jumped a little as Vi spoke from behind. She brought over a tray with eight mugs of coffee.

She placed the tray on the table and turned on Scott. 

“I appreciate your concern Scott. But what is going on between Derek and I is our own business.” She smiled tightly. “Today’s meeting is a pack meeting. Let us just concentrate on that.”

Since the time Vi had spoken Derek’s eyes had trailed after her, even though his face was carefully blank. When Vi spoke up I thought I could see a tiny upward curve at one corner of his mouth, but it was immediately replaced by a look so devastatingly sad that I almost flinched back. It lasted only for a moment though, before he became his robotic self again. 

“She is right.” I nodded enthusiastically. “Let us just...wait for the bad news, ahem, I meant Chris to arrive. Who knows maybe he knows something which is worse than Lydia’s headache, I mean vision. Then we would forget all about it until we are about to die or something.” I rambled.

That had the desired effect. Vi rolled her eyes and Scott snorted. Lydia, being too dignified to do either of that just pinned me with a glare. Malia gave me a fond I-don’t-know-why-I-put-up-with-you-but-you-are-adorable look and Kira looked, like she did most of the time – confused and slightly out of breath, well she and Scott was really a match made in were-heaven.

Only Derek had no reaction. He kept on standing stiffly, without moving a muscle, even though we had accumulated chairs and couches and stools and beanbags enough for everybody to have a seat. I surreptitiously glanced at him from my vantage point. His gaze was still roaming over Vi from time to time though she was not looking at his direction at all. 

Suddenly my eyes fell on his hand fisted into a ball beneath his armpit. It was clenched so tight that his knuckles had gone white...and was that...holy God, blood dripped down from his palm onto the carpet. I watched with morbid fascination. Nobody took any notice of him, but then others were never as physically aware of Derek as I or my sister for that matter ever was.

Suddenly Derek’s head turned and his eyes locked with mine. I narrowed my eyes at him, and pointedly looked at his hand. Derek hastily curled his fist inside his biceps and looked away. But for a tiny fraction of a second I knew the reason for his claws digging into his palm.

It was to stop them from trembling, which they were, ever so slightly!

Not so stony then...huh!

...

Half an hour later, we all dispersed with nobody any wiser. Except for a one-liner from Chris. Really, the man should be introduced to this little revolution called the messaging apps! 

The message he wanted to pass on was simple: 

Somebody had etched a symbol on Kate’s gravestone at the ancient estate of the Argents near Nice (we didn’t know her remains were flown to France where she grew up as per her will and to tell the truth we didn’t give a fuck as long as she stayed dead). It was a triangle which was the symbol of revenge for the hunters. The three arms of the triangle were supposed to represent the three elements, namely the fire, the blade and the wolfsbane, three things with which a werewolf could be killed.

Even an idiot could figure out it meant somebody was seeking revenge for Kate’s death. As soon as Chris had discovered it he had booked his plane ticket and called Scott. 

“We hunters are a dangerous breed.” Chris had shaken his head and said ruefully when dad had suggested it might be quite a long stretch for somebody to come to a relatively unknown town like BH and track us down simply to avenge Kate.

“We would stop at nothing if we take it upon ourselves that something had gone wrong and it needed to be set right.” This time he had a long and silent conversation with Derek with his eyes, pale blue versus hazel, both staring unblinkingly at each other. It was Chris who looked away first.

I noticed Derek’s fists were balled up again. This time he was sitting though, but every muscle and every sinew of his body was so fraught with tension that I was amazed how he was managing to sit absolutely still.

He was still sitting like that after everybody took leave. Scott was the last of all and he kept on looking over his shoulder to glare at Derek while leaving along with Kira.

Malia wanted to hang back, but Lydia almost dragged her away saying she wouldn’t be able to sleep alone with headaches and nightmares plaguing her.  


Dad was taking Helen to dinner tonight and so he went out soon afterwards, throwing meaningful looks between Derek and Vi, even though Derek hardly ever looked up to meet his eyes.

“So,” Vi locked the door after dad and sauntered towards us. 

She stood there for a few seconds, hands on her hips, glaring at Derek and I alternatively.

“You are going to be done being evasive and tell me what the FUCK is going on between you two.”

I flinched. I didn’t know Vi noticed how I was eyeing Derek throughout the entire meeting.

Derek’s reaction was somewhat more stoic. His mouth just pressed into a thin line. He was already several shades paler than his usual healthy tan. At least he met Vi’s eyes, which was more than I could do.

“Sit down Vi.” He said. “We need to talk.” Derek’s voice was rock steady, but I couldn’t help but notice how he was clutching the edge of the couch he was sitting on with both hands, knuckles gone white again.

Vi sat down on a stool, facing Derek and looked between Derek and I.

“Guys?” She raised her eyebrows when both of us remained silent.

“Something happened the day when you were at Lydia’s place.” Derek started. His voice had begun to show the first sign of strain, though his face remained impassive.  


“I have no explanation for it.” He shook his head and looked away for a second or two before gathering his thoughts. “And after hearing it, I understand if you don’t want to look at my face anymore.”

Vi swallowed. Her face was quickly taking on a panic mode.

“Der,” her voice almost broke. “You are scaring me.”

I didn’t know what did it for Derek, it was the sheer vulnerability in Vi’s voice or the sweet nickname Vi was fond of using, but he abruptly stood up.  


“In fact, it is better that you don’t see me AT ALL! That is the best option. You don’t need to know anything but I am a terrible, terrible person and that you were wrong about me all along. I don’t have a single good bone in my body otherwise why this shit keeps on happening to me. Or wait...why am I blaming the circumstances, the thing is the problem lies with me. I am like a disease. You shouldn’t have anything to do with me. You –”

“Derek tell me what happened?” Vi almost screeched at him. “I will go mad if you keep this up.”

Derek started shaking his head even before Vi could finish.

“You don’t –”

“Please.” Vi sprang up and tried to grab Derek’s hand or arm or something, but Derek had already scooted back a few good feet, out of her reach.

Vi stood there clutching at the air.

She looked forlorn and impossibly sad.

I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Derek came over to see you.” I began.

“Stiles. NO” Derek yelled at me.

“And he was having this sort of panic attack when he started talking about his nightmares.”

“Stiles.” Finally, finally, the mask of blankness was slipping and Derek's face was crumpling visibly under the weight of the ugly truth. I felt a bit smug about it. It might be cruel, but what he did to me or to Vi was just as cruel.

“We are not sure what happened, but we...um...sort of kissed.”

I saw how Vi was processing the information, fighting with her instinct to wolf out, to hurt, to smash into something, to sink his claw into her flesh...I saw the play of raw emotions on her face, before she steadied herself.

“What else?” Her voice was hoarse. She was staring fixedly at a point on the floor.

I looked at Derek who was not looking at anything in particular, just standing with a hollow gaze in the middle of the room.

“We kind of...got carried away.”

An ominous silence followed.

“Did he initiate it?” Vi’s tone was suddenly sharp and clinical, like a police interrogation.

“Um...”

“Tell me the truth.” 

“He kissed me first, then it was...I don’t know...I am not sure.” I answered shakily. “We were both into it, I guess. It was not only his fault. I was a willing partner.”

“Did he let you...touch him.” Vi hadn’t moved a millimetre.

“Yeah...” I said, guiltily, but puzzled over the question. Why would she do that? Why would she make me say things that would hurt her even more?

“Did you...” Vi cut herself off. “Ok you know what I don’t need to know.”

She walked towards Derek and stood in front of him. Derek looked at her with vacant eyes.

“You have anything to add?” Vi asked coldly. How was she acting so calm? I thought she was going to claw Derek’s face of.

“Would you believe me if I do?” Derek asked hollowly.

Vi looked like she had an entire speech ready. Then she shook her head like she didn’t think it worth her time.

“No.” She simply said and turned her back towards Derek.

She hadn’t even taken a full step before she twisted back and landed a punch on Derek’s solar plexus. Derek flew backward and crashed against the wall.  


“That was for my stupid brother who lost his heart to you since he had set his eyes upon you.” Vi said coolly.

Derek didn’t even try to get up or resist when Vi walked over and kicked him, right into the ribs and I heard a couple of them cracking.

“This is because of seducing him knowing he cannot resist you and making him feel like shit.” Derek coughed out bloody mucus on the floor.

“You can show yourself out.” Vi cocked her head. “And you are going to stick with this pack and help Scott, though we would rather get rid of you. You don’t have my permission to leave.”

Then she grabbed a handful of Derek’s hair to tilt his head back so that she could look at him directly into the eye.

“But know this, I will never look at you the same way.”

She released him and stalked towards me.

“Play a movie will you?” She said to me.

“Vi,” I had stood up without noticing it while the entire drama was unfolding before me. I tried to grab her hand.

“And you are cleaning after the mess.” She flicked her hand towards Derek’s general direction, who was trying to stand up, unsteadily.

I gave her a long searching look before turning to climb the stairs. I chose ‘How to train you dragon’ which was one of our favourites and climbed down.

There was no sign of Derek and Vi was settled down on the couch.

“I smelt him on you.” She said conversationally, making me drop the CD.

“So why did you make me say it?” I accused her, eyes narrowing.

Vi was silent for a second or two.

“First I desperately wanted you two to have some sort of explanation." She paused.

"And then, I had to know.” She said quietly. And for a second or two she looked like she was about to burst into tears. “Because he never let me.”

“Let you what?” I asked with my mouth hanging open at the implication.

“Touch him.” Vi almost whispered the words. “He...we...we never had sex.”

My mouth worked, but no words actually came out.

“He never said that he loved me either.”

I swallowed. Vi’s eyes were dry and she acted tough. I didn’t know how much she was bleeding inside. I kicked myself mentally again and again. I didn’t deserve to be forgiven like she apparently had done. I deserved to be punished. 

And Derek...well, stop right there! I wouldn’t think of that bastard any more if I could help it.


	8. Like a meteor

Vi's POV:

I WANTED HIM TO FIGHT BACK!

I wanted him to rise and yell back at me that he had never loved me at all and that it was all a sham and that he was playing with me, like he did briefly with Erica or the Deputy at the police station, only this time he was in for a long haul.

I wanted him to rise and rave that it was all a huge misunderstanding and that it was unintentional and that he meant nothing by it, but that he was just seeking a warm comfort to stave off his panic and the entire scenario somehow went beyond his control eventually for he was not quite himself.

I wanted him to rise and face me defiantly and say he had been in love with my brother from the very beginning, but for whatever reason he was too much of a coward to admit it.

I wanted him to rise...

I wanted him to...

I wanted him, fullstop.

Even after everything, each fibre of my body ached in pain when he shuffled out of the house without making an eye-contact. I could barely hold myself back.  


I fucking loved him!

But I couldn’t overlook the things he had done. I didn’t know whether it was the stress or the PTSD catching up with him or what. I didn’t know if trauma could change the basic character of a person, but I had no other theory. This was the same Derek who would selflessly throw himself in front of danger to save everybody, even a stranger.

It took me a lot to convince dad to start seeing Helen again. It took me a lot to reconcile to the fact that I wouldn’t have any little cake shop to go to or to ever bake batches of brownies throughout the evening with Derek hovering in the background, stealing one occasionally, while I pretended not to notice.

It would take a lot to save Stiles from guilt tripping, IF he ever learnt to forgive himself at all. 

I wanted him back...

I concentrated on the movie and on the warmth of my brother’s back as he settled down on the floor resting against the couch with my legs pressed by his side. I carded my hands through his soft brown hair as he rested his head on my lap. It had been a long time since we had sought comfort in each other like this.

A wolf called Derek Hale had burned through both of us like a blazing meteor and we were left only with the taste of ash in our mouth.


	9. 'Things fall apart...'

Stiles’s POV:

“You gotta be kidding me.” Scott exclaimed, frozen on the staircase of the BHU campus.

“What?” Following his line of sight I saw Derek douchebag Hale, leaning against my Roscoe, in all his leathery, Ray Ban glory, arms crossed with his face set in granite.

We hurried to him.

“What are you doing here?” Scott demanded.

Derek’s mouth pressed into a grim line. 

“Well, if it is because I am not picking up your call –”

“At my loft. Eight o’ clock. Let everyone know.” He said and pushed off my jeep to disappear into the crowd.

“What!” I said again.

Scott sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose so hard that I was worried there would be permanent finger marks there. Then he pulled out his mobile from his pocket and started typing a text message.

“Dude,” I flailed. “We are not going are we?”

“We have to.” Scott said dejectedly. “We need to plan and start somewhere.”

“I don’t understand,” I complained plaintively, “why can’t we meet at our place?”

I was really, really not in a mood to face Derek in his home turf, after watching Vi literally kick him out of our house, even though he deserved it. But it seemed it would be just like the old times. Even the frigging leather jacket was back. God!

...

“We have a couple of rogue omegas at our hand.” Derek started without any preamble, after sweeping his gaze over everyone present.

Scott sat up straighter. Everybody had some kind of reaction to that for while it was not uncommon for an omega or two coming our way occasionally (the beacon of Beacon Hills being unfortunately still active), but they were mostly harmless and left the town with a little bit of coaxing, usually Derek-induced, for Scott, even though an alpha, never managed to look very menacing.

“Rogue?” Chris asked on behalf of all of us, forehead puckered in a deep frown.

“Yes. They attacked Theo’s pack without provocation last night, while they were running through the forest.” The implication was not lost on us, for last night was a full moon night. “Tracy and Josh were badly injured. Theo and Corey chased them down to the river, but apparently the omegas were fast.” 

“Are they ok?” Hayden asked, worry etched into her face. She had officially joined Scott’s pack, but they were still her friends.

“They have healed, yes.” Derek said gravely. “But the fact that a couple of omegas could get the drop on a pack of chimeras...” Derek trailed off, staring into the space.

“How did you know about it?” Scott frowned at Derek.

“Is that important?” Derek asked drily. “Wouldn’t you rather set up plans how to prevent them from hurting anybody else?

“I need to know how come Theo called you first.” Scott repeated mulishly. “He should have let me know.”

Derek didn’t dignify him with an answer. He just turned to Chris and said, “would you help us doing perimeter runs?”

“Of course,” Chris answered immediately. “But if there are two of them, I can only slow them down.”

“We will not let you go alone of course. Parrish can be with you if John lets him.” Derek turned to dad. It still seemed a bit surreal when Derek addressed dad by his name. It took a few sessions of part-of-the-family lectures and threatening eyebrow-raisings from dad for Derek to call him anything but ‘sir’ or ‘sheriff.’ I heaved a sigh. So many little, unexpected things would now hurt like a bitch!

Derek turned to look at me with a frown. As soon as our eyes locked his face turned to stone again. I narrowed my eyes at him but he was already looking away.

“Well, I am always understaffed.” Dad shook his head ruefully. “But in this case, I have no choice but to spare him. Especially if these two omega things are going for murder and mayhem.”

“Ok, so Scott, are you ready to...”

“I don’t take orders from you.” Scott cut Derek off midsentence.

“Scott...don’t.” Kira pleaded timidly.

Derek’s brows came down in a serious scowl. “I am not ordering you.” He said through clenched teeth. He was going to say something more when Lydia leapt up from her seat and intervened.

“Guys,” She said. “We need to concentrate on the problem happening out there. Not the drama happening right here,” and mumbled under her breath, “whatever the hell this is all about.”

“Why are you all taking his side?” Scott glared at Lydia and Kira and I tried to telepathically ask Scott to calm the hell down for watching from a neutral ground he actually seemed to be behaving absurdly here. I understood perfectly that it was because Derek had hurt the two of his most favourite people about whom he was fiercely protective, but he was kind of making a scene.

“Scott,” Chris said. “Please can we just get back to planning?”

“Yes,” Scott nodded and then pointed at Derek, “When he stops trying to boss everybody around.”

“I was not trying to...”

Derek was cut off by an utterly exasperated Lydia, “maybe he SHOULD since you have been proven to be so effective this far.”

“Excuse me?” Scott turned to glare at her. 

“What are you talking about?” I asked indignantly.

“Well Scott is doing little else beside glaring at Derek or trying to insult him at every occasion, since the last pack meeting. I don’t know what the hell is your deal with him, but –”

“You are making ME the villain of this entire...thing...happening here?” Scott sounded strangled. “Do you have any idea what he has done?”

“Scott!!!” Both Vi and I yelled simultaneously with varying degrees of horror.

Lydia, Kira and Malia exchanged looks.

“Scott, I think you need to take a break.” Vi said carefully. She was silent this far and had not shown much emotion, though she was looking paler than usual.  


“Incredible,” Scott muttered and stormed out of the loft before we could react.

Derek was the first to snap out of it and chased after Scott.

“What are you doing?” I managed to ask him.

“We need him here.” He threw over his shoulder, without bothering to slow down.

“Fuck.” I ran after him, while Vi sat stonily. Others just looked confused.

We caught up with Scott at the ground floor.

“Scott, come back Goddamnit!” Derek shouted at his back.

Scott whirled round and slammed Derek against the wall. The said wall cracked at the impact, but Derek didn’t even so much as grunt. He grabbed Scott’s hands, ripped it off his shirt and shoved him down on the floor in a same movement with brutal force.

“The next time you touch me like this,” Derek’s voice was pure ice, “consider yourself dead.”

Scott looked stunned. Derek’s expression was so cold that it looked almost alien. But wait, it was not alien at all. In fact it was very familiar. It was the same expression of barely concealed hostility that we became familiar with when we met him for the first time. 

I helped Scott get up from the floor, though he didn’t need it. The look of hurt and shock on my best friend’s face drove me to a state of rage I hadn’t felt for Derek for a long, long time.

“How...how can you talk to him like that?” I demanded angrily. “He is your...he is your...” I spluttered. 

“He is not my alpha.” Derek shrugged nonchalantly. 

“What am I to you then?” Scott asked, a little bit dazedly.

Derek turned his cold, green eyes on him. “I used to think of you as my brother, but now I am not so sure.”

Scott looked like he was sucker punched.

“We are allies. We work together for sake of convenience.” Derek added.

I wanted to kick him in the face, but instead I wanted to get the venom out of my system by yelling at him.

“Who IS your alpha then?” I spat. “Is it Theo? Did you two bond over your mutual douchebaggery in Florida or did you let him finish his threat and enjoy it thoroughly?”

I immediately cringed inwardly as soon as those words came out of our mouth for Derek was frozen, staring at me with wide eyes and for a fraction of a second an impossibly hurt expression crossed over his features before it became a cold mask again.

Then he turned abruptly on his heels and stalked off towards the elevator.

“Your pack is waiting for you. The sooner we get this over the better for everybody concerned.” He said without bothering to look back.

Half a minute later Scott was still standing rooted to the spot, gaping after Derek.

“Scotty,” I touched his arm, “we better get our asses back into this bloody meeting.”

Scott’s head snapped towards me and focussed. That meant he was eavesdropping or trying to concentrate on his enhanced senses.

“What is it?” I asked concerned.

“Nothing,” Scott shook his head. “It must be a mistake. I thought...it smelt like...”

“What?” I repeated exasperatedly.

“Nothing.” Scott shook his head again. “Let’s get this over with.”

......

Derek’s POV:

I brushed my finger over the smooth texture of the jacket before hanging it back inside the closet. There was a hole on one side, from a bullet and one of the collars was torn where Peter had grabbed me and threw me against the wall at the hospital after coming out of coma. Most of the buttons were gone.

Vi would open my closet, take it out and wear it, sniffing at the lapels. It was one of her quirks.

“It smells like you.” She would say. “Why don’t you wear it anymore?”

I would just give her a tight smile without answering. It had so many memories – bad memories, associated with it.

Today, I had taken it out and worn it again. It still had Vi’s lingering scent on it, mingled with my own. Somehow it felt like an armour. I needed to wear it before I faced the world again.

I had been researching like a possessed man. In fact it was a distinct possibility that I really was possessed. Normally I would go to Stiles who was good with research. But I didn’t dare to be near his house or near him any time soon. The only reference I had of having black-outs and doing or saying things and not remembering them afterwards was when Stiles was possessed by the Nogitsune. But it didn’t seem like the Nogitsune. I was sure if I had been possessed by the evil fox spirit there would be a gory rampage involved, considering I had almost burnt Chris alive when I was under the influence of Nogitsune for a mere hour.  


So far I hadn’t been able to make any progress. Satomi was the first person I had contacted and she gave me the names of a few people with wide knowledge of the supernatural world. She even let me borrow a few books from her library. Up to now I had just hit the wall, in every direction. I was thinking of consulting Deaton, but I didn’t want to be subjected to his judgey (God, Stiles was such a bad influence on my vocabulary) eyes. I already knew I was an utter failure in every way, but he had a tendency to rub it in my face.

However, I did manage to download a special alarm tone from the internet. It was a subsonic sound and hence would work on me. I had set the alarm to ring after every half an hour or so whenever I was alone.

It would not let me fall asleep .

Even if Vi hadn’t asked me, I would have tried to help Scott and others. I was a Hale. I too had a responsibility to protect Beacon Hills. So when I got a frantic call from Theo, I decided it was time we needed to go forward, instead of sitting back and worrying.

The pack meeting went exactly as I expected. As far as Scott and Stiles were concerned, it was like I had time-travelled back to the point I was top on their hate list.

Vi on the other hand amazed me with her coolness. She actually managed her emotions much better than Scott. It took every ounce of my self-control not to go down on my knees at her feet and beg her to believe it was not my fault. But of course my pride wouldn’t have that. Also, I was not sure it wasn’t my fault. I wasn’t sure if the stuff I was doing was something my subconscious was prodding me to do. If that was true, I really was a monster fit to be locked up with the key thrown away. 

In any case we didn’t have time to indulge in our personal problems. Vi, at least, seemed to realise that. Scott on the other hand proved to be stubborn, as always.

It was Stiles though, predictably, who finally broke through my barrier.

I had to take a moment or two to steel myself before entering into the loft after the showdown below. I didn’t want the werewolves inside to smell the tears on me.

...

“So...” Lydia said.

“So?” I raised one eyebrow at her. Everybody had left, but she was still occupying the armchair she had been sitting in, looking very comfortable there.

“So,” She shook her head ruefully.

“Why are you still here? The meeting is over if you haven’t noticed.” I pointed towards the door to make myself clearer.

“Why are you taking this shit from Scott and Stiles?” Lydia said, out of the blue. “And before you clamp down on yourself,” she raised one finger threateningly, “I am NOT interested in these petty bickering you are having with Stiles or Scott. But,” she tilted her head, “I am very interested in knowing why you are letting them treat you like that.”

“Since when have I designated you to defend my honour?” I crossed my arms.

“I will always defend you doofus.” Lydia smiled, not in the least intimidated by my scowl. 

“Doofus?” I gave her a flat look.

Finally Lydia stood up and sauntered towards me only to smack me on my arm. “Don’t act high and mighty with me mister. You can fool everybody else with this coldness you have surrounded yourself with, but I can see right through you.”

She looked right into my eyes. “You are clearly hurting and I don’t like it.”

I just stared at her, not knowing how to react.

“Why?” I finally asked.

Lydia huffed. “I will say this only once and you better not get used to it.”

“Ok.” I tried to keep the amusement out of my voice.

“Well, you have been my hero since the time you came back when Jennifer went scary darach on me. You had already left town and you had no reason to turn back. Nobody would have blamed you for Aiden and Kali did kind of take a blood oath to kill you.”

I walked away from her. I had been a fool to come back. Even though Jennifer had already killed Kali, I had no knowledge of that, but I didn't even think twice before reversing the car as soon as I heard Lydia screaming and I was prepared to face the consequence. I didn’t expect Lydia to remember it.

“Not to mention how you saved us from the dread doctors.” Lydia went on talking to my back, undeterred.

“Is there a point you are trying to make here.” I said.

“I think you need a reminder from time to time.” Lydia shot back.

“I am not leaving if you are afraid of that.” I turned back to face her. “Not this time.”

“I was not afraid you would leave.” Lydia’s face was uncharacteristically soft. “I was afraid that you wouldn’t, even when a bit of distance would probably be healthy for you. But then since when have you considered doing something for your own benefit. You would cut yourself up into little pieces and give it all away if that is what needed to be done for the pack. Won’t you?”

“I don’t need your pity.” I snapped at her.

“Pity?” Lydia’s eyes flashed. I didn't know a human's eyes could flash dangerously like that. “Derek you probably don't realise what you are to this pack. I dare not pity you.”

“What am I to this pack?” I asked bemusedly. A toy to play with? A tool used for the sake of convenience when there is need? An ex-alpha with bad fighting skills? A failed leader who could inspire nobody and got people killed? A person to vent all angers and frustrations on?

“You hold this pack together.” Lydia said almost reverently. “Whenever you are gone, we fall apart. Stiles became possessed when you went away for the first time. The next time you left the pack started disintegrating. Scott let the wrong people into the pack, took up fights with Stiles for ridiculous reasons. Vi almost died out there.”

Whatever I expected to hear from her, this was certainly not it.

“So don’t you let them get to you.” Lydia said with finality and swept out of the room without a backward glance.

Something occurred to me then. I held up my hands and counted the fingers, repeatedly.

Eleven...ten...eleven...ten again...eleven

I didn’t know how many times I counted before the alarm tone woke me up.

Lying on the cold floor, I was filled with dread for I didn’t know my dream from my reality any more.

I set the alarm to ring after every fifteen minutes.


	10. Born free and wild

Stiles’s POV:

I felt somebody quietly tugging at my jeans. Looking down I saw Mason, reaching out for me though his eyes were straining ahead. He was sitting quite comfortably on the thick branch with both of his feet dangling on both sides. We were around fifteen feet above the ground. I dared not even whisper for we had possibly homicidal werewolves within an earshot. That was the reason we were forbidden to take part in this nightly adventure where all of the others (including Lydia) were combing through the forest in search of the two rogue omegas.

But since when being expressly forbidden to do something had deterred me!

So here I was, along with Mason who didn’t want to stay behind, armed with a mini crossbow and wolfsbane powder, dangling from the branches at night like a pair of chimpanzees. 

I tried to focus on what Mason was staring at. My view was blocked by the foliage and so I carefully climbed down to a branch situated in Mason’s vicinity.

I clapped a hand on my mouth to stifle my gasp. With the moon shining overhead I could clearly make out the two figures some distance away, apparently talking animatedly. One of them was Theo and the other...

The triskeleon stood out against the pale skin in the moonlight, making his bare torso look like it was carved out of marble. Derek’s back was turned towards us, but there was no mistaking him. Why was he talking to Theo when he was supposed to do a perimeter run and meet dad and Chris just about – I took out my mobile and checked the time – now, for Parrish was unavailable today due to some family matters! And I didn’t even want to go into the fact that both Derek and Theo were shirtless!!! I suddenly had the mad and overwhelming urge to shoot at something, preferably Derek, preferably with bullets laced with wolfsbane.

Suddenly Derek’s back stiffened and he slowly turned around and then he looked right at me.

Shit!

He started walking towards the tree we were perched on with a thunderous expression on his face. I sighed and glanced over at Mason who looked like he would fall off the tree any moment. The poor kid was terrified of Derek. He reminded me of the time when I used to be terrified of Derek. Secretly, I still sometimes was for with the number of werewolves I had encountered, NONE of them had the kind of absolutely wild and untamed aura that sometimes Derek exuded, notwithstanding his polished exterior which was usually unconsciously courteous while dealing with the humans completely ignorant about the supernatural world or even people like dad or Melissa or even Chris, nowadays.

“Stiles.” Derek bellowed. “Will you come down or should I go up and make you.” Theo had also joined him and was snickering up at me.

I heaved a sigh again and climbed carefully down the tree with Mason, following me sheepishly.

“What the hell do you think you are doing.” Derek growled his non-question at me.

I had been trying NOT to look at that gorgeous body for disturbing images shot through my mind haphazardly. I almost felt his hands on my torso and my hand on his back, feeling the chords of muscle and the power coiled underneath. The taste of his sweat and the sweet and heady smell of his warm body still haunted me and I...I averted my eyes.

“Stiles.” Derek’s voice was running thin on patience.

I finally dragged my eyes back to him, but I still could not look him into the eyes for I could also remember the blatant fear, the pissing in my pants when he all but attacked me. I closed my eyes and focused on his chest instead. It was a good place to focus, until I was ready to meet his eyes. It was all good until my eyes slipped down and I noticed the button of Derek’s jeans was undone.

Jesus fucking Christ!

“You can’t keep it in your pants while people are in mortal dangers. Do you?” I finally met his eyes, pure rage chasing away the lingering feeling of lust or fear (were they related, I was really not sure)!

“What?” Derek’s face looked so confused that he had me for a moment. But I had learned he was a better actor that he let on and so I just ploughed on.

“Oh you are not even ashamed is it? It is not even a big deal to you!” I knew I was screaming by then, probably attracting whatever predator was out there in the darkening forest, baying for our blood, but I didn’t fucking care, not at that moment.

“Stiles,” Derek strode forward and grabbed me by my arms. “What the hell are you –”

A piercing scream startled all of us followed by gunshots.

Derek looked at me and for a moment there I couldn’t believe he could ever be the bad guy for his face was open, without any mask, with blatant horror etched on it mirroring my own, for it was my father’s voice.

The next moment I tried to jerk my hands free only to have Derek grab me tighter.

“You asshole,” I screamed, “you were supposed to meet him by now!”

“Stiles,” Derek said urgently, “calm down.”

I kneed him in the groin with all my might. Derek gasped and released me instantly. I was sure I had injured my kneecap and it was going to hurt, later, but I had no time to ponder on it. I tore through the forest.

“Stiles, WAIT...” Derek was close at my heels. Fucking werewolves and fucking miracle recovery. “Theo, take Mason home.” I heard Derek instructing Theo. So Derek could apparently instruct the other alpha now? The friends with benefits thing is really paying off, I thought sarcastically.

Suddenly I was falling face first into the forest floor and a pair of strong hands grabbed me from behind to arrest the fall.

“Stiles,” Derek whirled me round. “Let me carry you at least. I am faster and you are going to fall and break your leg.”

I slipped my crossbow off my shoulders and pressed a button for it to spread open. It was pre-loaded with an arrow which I aimed right between his eyes.

“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME.”

Derek blinked, his lips parted in shock. Then he took a step back with hands in the air. My eyes darted briefly to his hands, the hands which held me like I was something precious only a few nights back and those same hands which slammed me against the wall!

I clenched my jaw.

“Good.” I lowered the weapon and started running again, though in a slower pace for it would do no good if I really fell and break my neck.

“You are going in the wrong direction.” Derek called from behind, still following me maintaining a healthy distance.

I stopped in my tracks and glowered at him.

“Follow me,” Derek said and broke into a trot. 

I did so, eventually, for I had to get to dad, as soon as possible.

...

Derek’s POV:

I had shifted into the full wolf form. The moon was at the waning gibbous and its light fell on the quiet forest, dusting the treetops silver. I inhaled through my wolf nose, taking in the unique smell of the forest and the night air and tried to discern if anything stood out. When nothing did, I let out a howl, which was answered from two sides by Scott and Liam.

We started the perimeter run. We had been working by the grid so that we could comb through the forest in order to flush out the rogue omegas in case they were hiding somewhere inside our territory. 

I ran through the forest, leaping agilely over the fallen trunk, skirting the large wolfsbane bush close to our burnt out house, with ears flattened back to take in all the sounds the forest would create, so that I would know in an instant if there was another predator around. It was exhilarating, this freedom. For a time being all my worries seemed like a distant dream and the only reality was the strong ground under my feet, the crunch of fallen leaves and the moonlight throwing shadows across my path and the soothing, embalming darkness surrounding me and the hoot of the owls...I let myself loose into the sensory overload.

It somehow made the gut-wrenching feeling of loss a little less overwhelming.

I ran and lost the track of time.

We did it over and over again for days.

There was no sign of the omegas and everybody was getting increasingly frustrated.

...

I didn’t know what made me visit the shop that day. It could be the lingering smell of Vi or simply the warm smell of freshly baked goodies that I secretly loved.  


Julie was emphatically NOT happy to see me and didn’t even bother to talk. She must have heard the rumour that I was selling the shop, though I had no idea who started it. However, now that I was inside the shop a sense of such potent grief hit me that my hand went to my chest involuntarily and I escaped into the kitchen, to hunker down at a corner and be unseen and invisible and just wallow in my sorrow in general. But Pete, our pastry chef was there, who liked to work undisturbed.

“Go away Derek.” He brandished a whisk at me. “Unless you are here asking if you could take me on a date, you are banished from the kitchen. You know the rule.” Well, at least Pete still seemed to be a fan, but then it might be only for the face. Of fucking course it was. With me, it was always the face and the body and whatever was outside on the display. Nobody liked me for my mind for I had started to believe that inside I was truly a monster.

I sighed and came out of the kitchen only to encounter Helen Barnes, chatting happily with Julie.

“Hey Derek.” 

I grimaced.

“How are you doing?” I tried for a polite and disinterested tone.

“Hey none of that stilted formality.” She smiled at me. “We are going to be family soon. Why don’t we get to know each other a bit better.”

I just raised my eyebrows at her.

“Walk me to my hotel would you? It is just a few blocks away.” Helen batted her eyelids at me.

I looked at Julie who was staring right back at me with pursed lips. I knew if I refused, it could be reported back to Vi. 

“Sure,” I nodded woodenly and walked towards her.

“That is like a good boy,” Helen quietly hooked one hand through my elbow before I could flinch back. I felt the corners of my mouth turning down, but I didn’t remove her hand forcibly even when every instinct in me was crying out to do so.

We walked down the road in silence. It was surprisingly quiet today and I couldn’t see a single soul on the road. The very air seemed heavy, like it was waiting for something to happen.

I was unconsciously inhaling through my mouth for Helen’s scent was somehow distasteful to me. It was not a bad smell, in fact it was mild and floral, but it brought out something ugly inside me that wanted to tear out of my skin. Her smell made me want to strangle her, with bare hands. 

I tried to discreetly take my arm back, but Helen grabbed it with surprising force. My blunt nails dug into my palm until they drew blood.

“So,” Helen said conversationally, “do you enjoy being alone again?”

I didn’t look at her, but stared right ahead.

“Hmm,” she said. “You really are not a talkative boy. Do you really have nothing to say to me?”

“Why are you doing this?” I asked, trying to keep the emotion out of it. "Is it because of Kate?"

“It is nothing personal.” Helen said defensively. “In fact objectively speaking I like you. If I had met you without the prior history and all I would sure to have been my charming best even though my preference is a bit different.” A soft smile spread on her lips.

“I could see why Kate was so taken to you.” Her eyes sparkled. 

“So you are impersonally making my life hell for me?” I asked tiredly. Kate was dead and gone and her name shouldn't faze me any more. She wouldn’t be able to harm me or anybody else, at least physically. But apparently she had left a legacy!

“Yeah,” she nodded. “Something like that. It is a pity Kate couldn’t just leave you alone. The beast is always helplessly drawn towards Beauty. It is how it is meant to be.”

“Well, I have been called by far more insulting names.” I couldn’t help the retort. “You need to be a little more creative if you want to insult me.”

“I was talking about Kate of course.” Helen stared at me like it was obvious. “Can’t you see? YOU are Beauty in this twisted version of the fairy tale.”

I huffed, without bothering to answer.

“But you are.” Helen waved one hand towards me. “You certainly have her heart! You would give up your life without a second thought for the people you love. You think yourself unworthy of all the good things that happen in your life. You always hold the least flattering opinion about yourself to be true. You are self-sacrificing to a fault...need I go on?”

Then she reached out with her free hand and patted my arm, the arm she was holding onto with her left hand. The gesture looked...maternal!

“I am sorry kid.” Helen sighed and looked genuinely unhappy. “I am sorry that you became her obsession during the brief period I was absent from her life. If I had been there, I could have steered her away for she was always overflowing with this dark energy, you see? It would get destructive every now and then. When it did, we would go and finish off a dozen of supernatural and then she would be back to normal.” Helen made ‘finish off’ sound like a make-out session in the park.

This time, I flinched. 

“But she didn’t finish you off. She couldn’t. She would feel guilty about leaving a monster out even while she had a chance. So she wanted to come back here, again and again. She wanted to finish you off.”

“Well I am appropriately flattered.” I said blandly.

Helen pinned me with a flat look, like she was fucking chastising me for my rude manners.

I suddenly realised this woman was crazier than Kate!

“So as I was saying,” Helen went on with a stern look on her face, “she couldn’t make herself do it. Whenever she came face to face with you, she changed her mind.”

Helen looked thoughtful.

“Do you realise she was a bit in love with you?”

I could almost taste the bile rising in my throat. Any moment now, I was going to throw up on the pavement.

“Just do me a favour and kill me. Right now.” I snapped at her. “You certainly don’t seem to lack the power.” 

Helen had not let go of my arm the entire time and I was not sure if I could wrestle my arm back and she had been directing our steps towards the less crowded part of the town. By now, it was almost a relief to think she was going to kill me. I wouldn’t probably even resist. I WAS SO FUCKING TIRED OF IT ALL!

“Oh don’t you glower at me young man.” Helen snapped. “You are too young to understand there are so many different shades of love.”

“I am sure.” I gritted out.

“Soooo...” Helen pursed her lips. “I cannot just let you die. She would be unhappy.” 

She grinned. “But I can make you a monster in the real sense of the word.”

...

I woke up, naked on the forest floor. I looked around groggily and found the small backpack I carried while I was in my wolf form lying beside me. I took out the jeans and put them on hurriedly for I knew I was being watched.

“You can come out now Theo.” I said in a normal voice, knowing he would hear me. I heard the sound of the bones crunching as he shifted from his wolf form to human.

“You really are beautiful,” Theo emerged from a bush a few meters away, smirking and stark naked, though he had a small bag in his hand.

I arched one eyebrow at him.

“Like what you see?” 

I wanted to rip the fucker’s face right off his head, but he was a necessary evil we needed to keep handy, just in case.

“How many ways does someone say he is NOT INTERESTED nowadays to make oneself clear.” I drawled.

“Well, counting the ones during our trip to Florida,” Theo tilted his head, “it would be about the twentieth time now.” But he finally retrieved a pair of jeans from his bag and proceeded to put them on.

“And you still haven't got the memo.” I said without inflection.

“A guy can only dream.” I had never known somebody whose smile would make me want to throw up. 

Oh wait, I actually had!

“You should have met my uncle.” I chuckled darkly. “And someday you will meet the same fate.”

“What happened to your uncle?” Theo asked, interested.

“I ripped his heart right off his body while it was still beating.” I smiled at Theo showing my teeth, feeling the rush of the predatory power flowing inside my veins. 

“Why?” Theo gulped and actually took a step back.

“He hurt Vi.”

“I would never hurt Vi.” Theo gesticulated. “She is a lovely girl.”

I raised my eyebrows again.

“I mean in a totally platonic way.” Theo hastened to add.

“You seem to have a fetish for people who scare you shitless.” I smirked. “Interesting.”

“And you seem to have a fetish for caring for people who hurt you.” Theo shot back.

“That is none of your business.” I growled at him.

“Scott, Stiles and now Vi...I know they are not talking to you. I saw how they behaved when you turned up at BHU the other day.” Theo smiled. “Your magic is not working any more and they see you what you really are.”

“What.” I said flatly.

“You are not unlike me Derek,” Theo stepped into my space and stared at me, though his scent was laced with abject terror. “When will you understand that? You are wild and free. You are not anything like Scott and the weak and pathetic bunch of kids that run with him. You are like me. You are powerful and not ashamed or afraid of it. You embrace your power and revel in it.”

It was only that I was stunned at his audacity that I didn’t react at first, but then I let his words sink in. The world’s biggest asshole had got me right whereas my own pack-mates couldn’t see it.

They couldn’t see what made me dangerous. They couldn’t see why I wanted to run and never return.

The wind shifted around us and suddenly a sharp scent caught my attention. I inhaled, trying to identify the source and my head whipped back.

Stiles was staring back at me with clear accusation in his eyes.


	11. Heart turns to stone...sometimes

Vi’s POV:

“Stiles please stop pacing.” I snapped. We were waiting at the hospital corridor and Stiles was getting on my nerves. Well, to speak the truth, everything was getting on my nerves for I felt I couldn’t take it anymore. It had been two hours and still there was no news on how dad was doing.

“Mom –” Scott pleaded Melissa who was sitting beside me on the bench. She was not wearing a scrub for today she was off-duty. She had a hand draped over my shoulder.

Melissa sighed. “Sweetheart, I can’t. I told you they won’t let me.”

“But you WORK here.” Scott insisted.

“It is a...conflict of interest.” Melissa sighed. “He is in good hands Scott, I swear. Dr. Barman is by far the best.”

“He looked like a fucking corpse.” I buried my face in my hands and shuddered.

Kira plopped down beside me and squeezed my thigh. “Vi, your dad is so strong. He is going to be ok.” She said softly.

I hoped so or I would have to murder a pack-mate, for surely Derek was nothing more than that now, a pack-mate, not even a friend.

I glared at the dark, silent figure standing a few feet away from where the rest of us were huddled on and around the hospital bench.

Stiles and Derek were the first to reach dad and Chris after they were attacked by the omega wolves. Derek had literally torn through one of them while Chris had managed to shoot the other dead. The threat being neutralised, our focus was on dad whose guts were spilling out on the forest floor as one of the omegas had horribly clawed him open. Derek had tried to pick him up while Scott had stepped forward, shoving him aside. He had carried him up to the edge of the forest for the car ride would have been too bumpy for his fragile condition and possibly fatal for him.

Derek looked utterly stoical when I faced him after they whisked dad away.

“You were supposed to be there.” I accused. “What happened?”

“I don’t know.” He answered flatly.

I shook my head. “You know you are making this really difficult...” I trailed off, raking my hands through my hair.

Derek’s mouth just pressed into a grim line and he frowned at me. I knew that look. It meant he was holding something back and he knew it was a bad idea, but he still would. I sighed for I couldn’t really claim to know the man standing in front of me any more. Derek was fast becoming a complete stranger.

Stiles had started to open his mouth to say something, but he had thought better of it. Well, I would grill him later. Right now I didn’t have the patience to deal with Derek and so I just sat down on the bench and waited.

It was when Helen barged in through the glass door and made a beeline for us that Derek totally lost his shit.

Before she could take a couple of steps towards me after spotting us, Derek was onto her and he grabbed her arm roughly and practically dragged her towards the corner we had been sitting.

“Derek!” I stood up, shocked.

Once he had her herded into a corner, he gripped her arms in what looked like a painful grasp and snarled into her face. 

“What the hell is your game.”

Helen had blanched and her lower lip was trembling like she was going to cry.

“Derek,” Stiles rushed to him and grabbed his forearm. “Jesus fucking Christ!”

“Let her be.” Scott shot up and growled menacingly.

“Derek...honey...” Helen said in a tiny, frightened voice and raised one arm like she was trying to reassure Derek. It was so backward that I wanted to laugh.

Derek closed his eyes briefly and opened them again and his eyes flashed blue.

“Derek,” I screeched. 

Helen made a choking sound and she looked like she was about to faint.

Chris was on the other side of Derek, trying to pry the poor woman free. “Derek,” he said in a coaxing voice. “You are terrifying her AND us.”

Derek closed his eyes again and released her. He turned his back towards her, but didn’t open his eyes.

“Ask her where she was before she came to Beacon Hills. Ask her if she is from Nice.” He growled, to no one in particular.

“What?” Chris asked in a bewildered voice.

“I am from Dallas. I have never set foot outside this country.” Helen said hurriedly, panic evident in her voice. 

Her heartbeat was erratic, but it had been so since Derek had grabbed her. But of course there was no need for her to lie, was there?

“She is telling the truth.” Derek’s head whipped back to Chris.

“I had run a background check on her.” Chris looked at Helen apologetically. “Sorry Miss Barnes, we Beacon Hillers usually don’t trust strangers easily.”

“It is ok,” Helen massaged her arms. “Something terrible must have happened to you guys for you to be so defensive.”

Then she reached out tentatively to touch Derek’s back. Derek recoiled and glared back at her.

“Derek, sweetheart, I think you are mistaking me for somebody else.” Her voice shook, but she was looking at Derek with pity rather than fear.

Derek stared at her, trying to read her no doubt, scenting the smells she was giving off, listening to her heartbeat. But try as he might, there was nothing awry with her as far as I could discern.

“Derek,” Lydia called him softly, “why don’t you go outside. A bit of fresh air will do you good.”

Derek didn’t even look like he heard her.

“Nah...no.” He shook his head. “You are lying.” He said flatly.

“You are going home or your hotel or wherever you are staying.” Derek’s voice was deceptively calm. “I am not letting you anywhere near my pack, or near John for that matter.”

“YOUR PACK!!!” Scott bristled.

Derek ignored him too for he was still staring fixedly at Helen who looked so confused and hurt that I started to feel bad for her.

“Just go away. Get lost.” Derek continued. “I will come for you later and we will have a nice little chat.”

“She is staying RIGHT HERE.” Stiles moved and pushed Helen behind him. “Until dad wakes up.” He spat at Derek defiantly while the latter looked like he was contemplating murder. “AND afterwards and that is NONE of your fucking business.”

“You have no fucking idea whom you are defending.” Derek looked like he was just about ready to spontaneously combust, but Stiles held his ground.

“Derek, she is an artist. She is harmless. I have checked her bank records and her criminal records which is non-existent by the way.” Chris put a hand on Derek’s arm. “Please calm the hell down and tell us why –”

“No.” Stiles shook his head. “Don’t let him lie again. I am so Goddamn tired of his lies.”

Everybody except Scott and I turned to look towards Stiles with question in their eyes.

“Stiles...Derek,” Lydia began tiredly. “Can we spare the drama for just a couple of hours until the Sheriff is out of danger?”

“She IS the reason he got hurt.” Derek pointed a finger towards Helen whose eyes widened in horror.

“You are impossible.” Stiles shoved Derek with enough force that would have made a human stumble back. But Derek didn't move an inch, only he looked a little bit stunned. “You were...you were....” Stiles gritted his teeth. 

“Stiles?” Derek focussed on Stiles at last for his heart was beating frantically in his chest, like it would burst out of the ribcage any moment now. I took an involuntary step towards my brother.

“You could have at least buttoned your damn jeans.” Stiles burst out. “It would have saved me the mental image.”

“What!” Derek rocked back on his heels, looking aghast.

“Your.motherfucking.jeans.” Stiles bit out. “After you...with Theo...” He squeezed his eyes shut and his smell hit me like a trainwreck – pure grief - that was what he was feeling. I felt a hollow in the place of my heart. I felt like my stomach dropping a hundred feet and that I had no control over my limbs.

Realisation slowly dawned upon Derek’s face. “Are you fucking serious?” 

“Theo?” Stiles raised his eyebrows at the asshole who was standing along with Malia a few feet away, with a smug look on his face.

“Well...err...” Theo shrugged. Derek turned to look at him with utter disdain.

“There is no point lying Derek.” Theo said defensively. “They can listen to my heartbeat.” 

Stiles pinned Derek with a glare. I was only vaguely aware Scott holding me up as I staggered sideways. 

“You think I was making out with Theo!" Derek asked in an incredulous voice. “While your dad was fighting for his life?”

Stiles remained stonily silent.

“Just what kind of a monster do you think I am?” Derek sounded like he was fighting back a gag. 

No...I shook my head. I didn’t care!

“Exactly the kind who will be super eager to fuck his girlfriend’s twin while she is away.”

Every member of the pack AND Chris and Melissa turned to look at Derek, shocked to silence.

“No...no I didn’t do that!” I still didn’t care how utterly broken Derek sounded. By then, I was probably beyond caring!

“Derek!” It was Lydia this time.

“I didn’t,” Derek turned to Scott desperately. “Listen to my heartbeat Goddamn it!”

“Yours is always steady.” Scott’s voice was steely. “Now I know why.” He paused. “How long have you been hiding behind your lies?”

“Scott, I think Derek needs help.” Helen said suddenly, placing a hand on Stiles’s back. “I think as his friends you should help him and not accuse him like that.”  


Derek pushed Stiles aside and wrapped a hand around her neck, shoving her up while her feet dangled a couple of inches above the ground.

All the hell broke loose as a few hospital staff could hear the commotion and rushed towards us. Scott and I were instantly by Derek’s side to rescue Helen.

Before we could do anything drastic Chris had slipped a hand on Derek’s neck and he started convulsing, releasing Helen instantly who just collapsed in Stiles’s waiting arms. Derek was on the floor on his hands and knees and still Chris had not moved his hand away. 

“Sir,” a male nurse approached the scene cautiously. 

“It is under control.” Melissa held him by the shoulders and made him turn around. “Please...it is ok. Everybody is ok.”

All of us gathered around Derek’s hunched form so that the scene is guarded from common eyes while Melissa coaxed the nurses and the security guard away.

“I will switch off the taser only if you promise you are not going to attack anybody.” Chris muttered under his breath. “Nod if you understand.”

Derek nodded, though uncontrollable tremors were still running through his body.

Chris took the taser away and Derek rose to his feet fluidly. We all took an involuntary step back for his eyes looked wild and there was no recognition in them for a couple of seconds before he blinked and focused back. And this time he focused right on me.

“Vi...” he whispered hoarsely. “I didn’t do it.”

Fuck!

I looked at Stiles helplessly. There were tears in his eyes and that made my decision for me.

I looked back at Derek. “I don’t believe you.” I said simply.

“Derek, I think you really need to take that break now.” Lydia put one arm around me. “A long, long break, if you don’t mind,” she added icily.

“Yeah Derek.” Liam, who was usually silent when the older ones of the pack spoke, piped up. “You really need to stay away and sort out your shit.”

“I can’t believe you did that!” Malia looked at Derek like he had punched her in the face.

“No...I,” Derek took a step back and then another, searching for God only knew what in our faces. “I didn’t know. I don’t remember...”

“Dude you were fully conscious. You said the exact things that you would say and reacted the exact way I would expect you to react...except in a bitchier way.” Stiles said flatly. “But I swear it was you. Exactly like tonight!”

“I didn’t DO what you are thinking I did.” Derek shook his head. “I swear...I didn’t...”

“I don’t really care about the teenage drama, but I do care that if you weren’t late today John wouldn’t have been nearly dead and that you just attacked a human in a public place.” Chris levelled a steady gaze at Derek. “And to think I trusted you.” Chris’s voice shook a bit. I knew how much of an understatement that was for Chris more than trusted Derek. He loved Derek. But looking at his eyes right now which were hard as flint, he was probably reviewing the sentiment.

“No, no, no, no, no...” Derek clutched his hands with both hands, shaking his head like he would go mad. It stirred some memories in me. How could I reconcile that Derek in my memory with this one!

I felt utterly exhausted. How had we come to this? I had no fucking idea what to believe any more.

“No...this is not happening...no fucking way...” Derek went on brokenly while walking backward clumsily. 

My heart contracted painfully and I had an urge to claw it out of my chest...this was MY Derek...and he was clearly suffering and then I looked at my brother again. Well, so was my brother and I knew for a fact that he was not lying. 

“It is not real.” Derek hadn’t stopped shaking his head and he looked like he had difficulty in breathing. He held up both hands and started counting his fingers.  


I just couldn’t take it anymore.

“Derek,” I almost started towards him when Stiles stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. He was looking at Derek with narrowed eyes. 

“He pulled the same shit with me.” He said. “This panic attack...is just an act.”

I looked back at Derek with renewed horror who was still counting his fingers.

Melissa walked forward and stood before him.

“Mom, don't.” Scott warned from behind me.

“Derek...you are awake.” She said, quietly but firmly.

Derek didn’t stop with his obsessive counting.

“Derek...” Melissa tried again.

“Go away...” Derek mumbled without looking up. “You are not real.”

“Oh my God!” Kira clapped a hand over her mouth. 

“It is difficult not to fall for it, isnt it?” Stiles smiled wanly. “I fell for it. I wanted to hold him and rock him and comfort him. And the next thing I knew I was...” he choked back a sob. 

“Derek,” Melissa couldn’t stand it any more and she grabbed Derek’s fingers. 

Derek absentmindedly backhanded her and she hit the bench and collapsed.

“Mom,” Scott was instantly by her side, picking her up. Chris moved forward whereas we were rooted to the spot for a few seconds.

“I am ok.” Melissa held her hands up in the air. “I am...”

“Mom,” Scott cut her off for there was a gash on her forehead and she was bleeding. 

All of us turned to look at Derek who finally looked up from his hands to stare at Melissa. Derek blinked and then his eyes zeroed in on Melissa's wound and his nostrils flared. I knew it was the smell of the blood rather than the sight of it that drew him out of whatever stupor he was in, or if it was at all a stupor!

“No.” He said. It seemed he could do little today but express denial over the things he had done.

“Mel...” Derek stumbled forward and then just fell to his knees. “Mel...” He whispered hoarsely, eyes pleading, to whom, I was not sure.

Chris moved forward to block Melissa from his view.

“Go.” Chris looked down at Derek who slowly tipped his head back to look up and meet his eyes.

“I am not going anywhere.” Derek shook his head stubbornly. “I am...I will stay with you. You are my...my...”

“We are nothing but allies for sake of convenience.” Stiles came forward and stood beside Chris.

“Vi...” Derek called out to me. “Let me stay.” His voice broke on the last word.

I would have cried then if I had any tears left. I would have felt compassion for the seemingly broken man on his knees with tortured eyes IF I had any compassion left. As was the case, I had neither.

“Get the fuck out of here and don’t come back.” I said under my breath, knowing he could hear me clearly.

Derek looked at me...a long and lingering gaze...seconds passed...a full minute...nobody moved. Finally he rose to his feet and it looked like it took him some effort. Finally he turned his back and walked away. Finally the tears came...blinding me momentarily. When I blinked them back, Derek Hale was gone from our life, once again!

Well, the Derek whom I knew and worshipped was long gone, leaving behind a stranger. So I should be relieved that this stranger, who seemed nothing but a monster bent on mind-fucking us, was finally gone. 

I should have been relieved. 

Apparently my heart still hadn't got the memo!


	12. Always an outsider

Stiles POV:

It had been one day since dad got released from the hospital.

It had been five days in a row that Vi had woken up from sleep screaming.

It had been eight days since Derek had walked away from the hospital.

It had been nineteen days since we had been at Derek’s loft, teasing him mercilessly about the female population of Beacon Hills swooning over the owner of Devil’s Own.

It had been zero day since doubts plagued us if we placed the blame on the right person.

“Stiles” Vi would look at me hollowly and ask, “why would he do what he did?”

I didn’t have any answer for her.

Every new moment brought forth memories of Derek fighting side by side, with us, for us...trying to save and to protect...guiding us through situations that seemed utterly hopeless uttering cheesy lines that belonged to a Western movie with a straight and determined face, but it somehow worked. The asshole somehow instilled the courage and hope when our heart was filled with numb terror.

But I was not allowed to think like that any more.

Scott had told me it was my decision if we should have Derek in our pack or not.

I had thought long and hard. I knew he had this manipulative streak in him. He was dazzling and he knew that and there was a time he wasn’t scrupulous to use his charms on unsuspecting people. Erica was a prime example. While Vi always insisted he was scared out of his mind of the hunters and he was feeling lonely and that the pack was not only about the power but about companionship and about taking responsibility, I always tended to agree with Scott more that he craved the power, secretly.

He changed, a lot.

Again as per Vi it was the circumstances that made him like that before and the relatively put-together and mature Derek we encountered later, the one we called our friend, was the real one, and it appeared only when the immediate threats were removed or he started trusting people again.

Well, Vi had always been more forgiving about Derek’s behaviour, until recently.

I, in spite of being blinded by his beauty, knew there was a shrewd and calculative brain at work behind those captivating eyes. Somehow Scott’s fixed belief that each time Derek had saved Scott or me, it was because we were essential for his own survival, had rubbed onto me.

Well, probably we were way too cynical for our age!

Still, with all these consideration, we had a hard time picturing Derek being wilfully evil.

That was the reason why Vi and I had visited Chris to learn more about the background check that he did on Helen.

Well, it was damning...against Derek.

Chris had her identity physically verified by her own sister (who had been living at Beacon Hills for the last twenty years) as well as her previous landlord. She used to teach at a school which gave her glowing testimonials. She was extremely popular with kids and volunteered at a centre for differently abled children. As an artist she was mostly into freelancing and had some influential clients who spoke highly of her professionalism and dedication. She had always lived in Dallas, moving out of her parents’ place (also in Dallas) when she was twenty five and living in the same apartment until she left it a few months back to move with her sister who had recently lost her husband and kid in an accident.

She was not only an upright citizen, but a concerned sister, a wonderful teacher and a secret good Samaritan rolled together.

“Why?” I couldn’t help asking, not exactly expecting a reply. But Chris had one anyway.

“Derek is going feral.”

“WHAT!” Vi looked flabbergasted.

Chris sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. I couldn’t help but notice how tired and age-worn he looked.

“That is the only explanation of his behaviour.” Chris clarified. “Maybe it is a delayed reaction to the trauma or something else, but he is slowly losing control over his wolf.”

“But we thought he was dealing with it,” I said. “I thought he had found his anchor in Vi.”

“I thought that too.” Chris was staring at the wall. “Apparently we are wrong.”

“Is there a cure?” Vi whispered and looking at the devastated face of my twin sister I felt a sting behind my eyelids.

Foolish, foolish, foolish...

“There is nothing to cure.” Chris still refused to meet our eyes. “He is part wolf and the wolf is taking over him. We should just cut him loose or he is going to hurt one of you guys someday.” As if he hadn't done that, already!

“That means he doesn’t have control on what he is doing right?” Vi’s voice was tremulous. She could act all tough and unforgiving in front of Derek because she was so upset with him, but she was not fooling me!

“He has and he hasn’t.” Chris finally looked at Vi. “I never thought I would use taser on anybody, least of all Derek, again.” 

“I will never forgive him for making me do that.” He shook his head sadly. “Don’t presume to know that he doesn’t know what he is doing for his wolf is a part of him and if it does something wrong, he is as much to blame.”

Vi and I exchanged glances for that settled it for us!

We cried a lot clutching each other, on the couch of our home where we had spent many evenings with Derek tucked between us. We had faced so many dangers together that attacked us from the outside, trying to break us, kill us, making our world disintegrate all around us – but nothing compared to this acute grief over the loss of a person who meant so much to us.

Well, as Vi insisted, the Derek that we knew was dead and gone.

We just had to bury the memory of him...or drown it, in our collective tears!


	13. Dancing with the enemy

Derek’s POV:

She didn’t even start when she switched on the light and saw me sitting on the armchair.

“You are so predictable Derek.” She commented drily, stripping off her peacoat.

“No.” I said calmly, without moving from my spot. “I am a man of my words.”

“What if I scream bloody murder, right now?” Helen walked down and sat in a chair, facing me. There was a hint on smile on her lips and she didn’t seem the least bit afraid.

“I am sure the police department of this town is not very well-disposed towards you right now.”

I clenched my jaw for she was right. No one in this town was very ‘well-disposed’ towards me right now I guess!

“I am sure if you call the police we can all have an interesting conversation, Miss Angelique Baudoin, on how you disappeared right after taking a flight from Paris to Los Angeles.” Helen or should I call her Angelique now, paled.

I smiled, pleased at her reaction.

“You think you are very clever, aren’t you?” Angelique narrowed her eyes at me.

“Well, you must admit, it was very clever of me to think of tracking down all female, Caucasian, single passengers boarding flights from Paris to Los Angeles around the time Helen Barnes moved into Beacon Hills.” I smirked.

“It was not a long list and only two of them were from Nice.”

“How did you...” Angelique paused and schooled her expression into mild curiosity. “How did you get this information. I thought passenger details are classified.”  


I grinned up at her, flashing my teeth. I knew my smile bordered on predatory, but it was also something else. With my enhanced senses I was hyper-aware how often, encountered with that grin, a human’s heart-rate became erratic. Usually worked like a charm, every time – on men too, and it was actually quite baffling to me! But I was not complaining when it got the job done better than my other methods.

“Look at you,” Angelique cooed. “All grown-up and doing detective works.” 

She clapped her hand and my grin died on my lips. This was not the reaction I was hoping for.

“It is a wonder how far you have evolved.” She said gleefully with her blue eyes dancing in mirth. “Kate told me how easy it was to trap you for you would run headlong into the danger without taking any heed of your surroundings and that whenever the problem turns complex, you were like a frustrate child throwing a tantrum to let out of the play. Now you are actually getting into analysing and problem-solving like a veritable adult.”

I lost her completely at the middle of her rambling.

“Kate didn’t...”

“Kate watched over you, secretly, even when she was away. She always had somebody to watch over you and to report back.” Angelique smiled ruefully. “I told you she had no intention of letting you be.”

“Who do you think carried you to the school premises hoping Scott or Stiles would take care of you when you almost died in a fight with Deucalion.”

“Don’t tell me I owe my life to that bitch.” I hissed.

“Oh,” Helen leaned back in her chair. She was calm and relaxed and I secretly envied her. “It was not a charity, really. She wanted to be to one to kill you or to break you or to whatever that she intended to do with you.”

“Were you lovers?” I asked. Since neither threatening, nor calling her out on her lies worked, I chose a different track.

Helen threw me a glare. “We were soulmates.”

“How quaint,” I couldn’t bit back the snark.

“It is not something I would expect you children to understand.” Helen’s eyes became faraway and dreamy. “We knew each other since we were but children. The bond was always there, like a quivering need, but by the time we grew up, between her being a hunter and then turning into a were-jaguar and my being a witch, there was always this glass barrier between the two of us, a barrier we chose to ignore.”

“What have you done to the body?” I asked.

“What?” Angelique looked at me with eyes slightly unfocussed.

“Helen Barnes.” I monotoned. “She should get a proper burial.”

“Oh, the burial is over-rated.” Angelique waved her hands. 

“Her sister might beg to differ.” I commented flatly. “Or do you plan to kill her as well as the rest of her family.”

“There is no need.” It chilled me to the bone that Angelique did not actually refute a single assumption I made.

“But powerful as you might be, even for you there must be a limit for how long you can make everybody believe you are Helen.”

“Helen will just go missing one day. Tough luck for the sister.” Angelique pursed her lips and shook her head. “It is really sad, but with so many murders and death at Beacon Hills, it will just be a number on the board.”

“I have a feeling it is going to be tonight.” I tilted my head. “Not missing as much as clawed to death, by a mountain lion.” I tsked. “Tough luck indeed.”

A slow smile spread over Angelique’s features. It was her turn to look predatory now. 

“Oh dog...do you think you have it in you to touch a single hair on my head?”

I just raised my eyebrows at her. “However tempting it might be to accept the challenge, we don’t want to wake up your sister, shall we?”

“Well...”

“If she reports to the police there would be an investigation for I would make sure somebody checks upon Angelique Baudoin and her whereabouts and the circumstances leading to the death of the family of your sister.”

“I have a feeling you would be the one worse off in case the police is involved.”

“I don’t care.” I said dismissively. “But you do for you still seem to be waiting for something to happen. Don’t you?” 

“Just wrapping up my work here.” Angelique smiled again. “Before disappearing altogether I would make sure to leave a hint you might have been behind it. No need for solid proof for by now, a hint is enough. They will think it is you.”

“What if I just leave for New York? I still have an apartment there. I used to have a life before Laura was murdered.” I asked curiously for by now I had lost the power to feel anything but. It was like I was but a mildly interested spectator of my own life in which nothing made sense any more and I had just about given up. There are only so many times that your entire world crumbles down before your eyes and you are left to pick up the pieces.

There were only so many things I could let go without giving away a piece of me.

“You can’t leave.” Angelique stated. “You don’t seem to understand the nature of the spell that I put on you.”

I stared at her silently, willing for her to go on. This was the first time she actually admitted putting a spell on me.

“You see, it is a suppressor spell.” Angelique sounded smug. “Part of your memory, a part of your self, the part which we usually associate with conscience, blacks out from time to time leaving open other, uglier parts that you want to suppress or just plain forget to be there. If you try to leave Beacon Hills, it will trigger the black out. It is not only that you cannot leave, but you may end up doing very nasty things which you will regret later. So you will stay here and let it play until the end.”

“What END?”

“You will end up hurting your pack until your ‘friends’ are compelled to put you down, like a dog.”

“Well, that is not so bad.” I countered, feeling relieved that her ultimate goal was my death after all. “Maybe I will welcome it. Maybe I will go on a rampage tonight itself to make them put me down sooner.” 

Angelique chuckled. “Have you considered how it will utterly destroy Vi?”

My lips parted as I let her words sink in.

“Do you think she will survive your death by her own pack without going out of her mind?”

I closed my eyes and thought hard. With all the experiences I gathered fighting with so many enemies, I had never encountered something like this. It seemed no matter what I did somebody would get hurt.

Angelique stood up and came over me.

“Go home Derek,” she leaned down and patted on my arm. "Who knows I may take pity on you and kill Vi before she kills you. It would be a mercy, really, considering the alternative." I didn’t even have the energy to snarl at her.

“You are going down, taking the person you love the most with you. There is no way around it.”

Dread gripped my heart with icy fingers. I had foolishly assumed I was the only target in this game and if I was out of the equation, things would go back to normal. I hadn't considered there was no guarantee Angelique would actually stop with my death. Then of course there was this fact that everybody might reconcile to my being evil, even Stiles, but Vi would not be able to take it without having something broken inside her. If she had to kill me...I was not sure she could ever recover from that.

She was going to end up being as damaged as I was.

And I was going to cause it.

Vi’s POV:

I would wake up in the morning. I would eat. I would breathe. I would go to college and take notes on an autopilot. I would answer questions directed towards me. I would open a book and try to read in the evening. I ended up having the same page opened on my lap for a couple of hours before realising I had been reading the same line over and over again. Dad yelled at me to go out and to see my friends. I studiously ignored him.

I would curl into a tight ball on my bed at night and welcome the nightmares.

I would wake up in the morning. I would eat. I would breathe...

The ache in my chest refused to go away. The hollow sense of loss that something was meant to be there, but was not with me anymore...

Some days I thought it would be better if I went crazy. That way I didn’t have to remember every tiny detail...the feel of his lips on mine, the eyebrows raised disdainfully when Stiles said something particularly silly, the tiny bashful smile that had started to appear with increasing frequency when dad or Scott drooled over his cooking skills, teaching Hayden to swear in Russian (don’t even ask), beating Lydia at solving Rubik’s Cube in record time, arguing with Chris for a stricter gun-control policy, and stolen brownies...

I had to see him for one last time or I would die.

That was probably the only excuse I had to barge into his loft, only to find it empty. I stood by the window, mesmerised by the view of the city sprawled beneath my eyes with the crescent moon hanging low on the sky.

I heard the familiar heartbeat even before the door slid open.

I took my time to turn back, to gather myself.

I didn’t know why I bothered, really, for the moment our eyes clashed my entire world dimmed around me. I uncrossed my arms and let them dangle by my side and let my claws sink into the soft pads of my palms. 

Derek looked at my hands and then back at my face with a polite disinterest. 

He was wearing his old leather jacket and sporting his signature stubble, but the latter looked more like a lack of shaving rather than a result of deliberate grooming. Even under it I could see he was pale and his eyes were rimmed with dark patches, the tell-tale sign of sleep deprivation.

What caught my attention the most was the duffel bag slung over his shoulder which he had apparently forgotten all about, for he was busy staring at me fixedly, with an infuriatingly neutral expression.

As always, it was hard to get a reading on Derek Hale!

I could only imagine how I looked though. I could hear my own heartbeat going through the roof. I hadn’t looked at myself into the mirror lately, but I knew I had lost weight and probably had dark circles under my eyes matching Derek’s. I hadn’t had the time or inclination to look after my outward form at all. What was the fucking point?

“You were leaving.” I kept my voice level.

“I had to try.” Derek didn’t waste his energy on inflections either.

“But you didn’t.” I said.

“No.” Derek lowered his bag on the floor only now.

“What now?” I challenged.

Derek took a step forward and I flinched back.

“No.” I shook my head and Derek stopped dead in his tracks. “I am not here to listen to your apologies. Each time I look at my brother or my father I am reminded of what you have done.” I met his eyes squarely. “I am not going to forgive you no matter what pathetic excuse you give.”

The truth was I was afraid he would be able to convince me that none of these was his fault. I couldn’t take another betrayal from him. Again. Derek just stared at me and I could hear the question in his eyes. He wanted to know why I was there in his loft if I was in no mood to hear him out.

“You are not welcome to our pack anymore.” I said to answer his silent question. “You are currently trespassing on our territory. If you put one wrong foot forward, we are going to end you.”

My voice absolutely did not shake while uttering it, but my hands did and I dug my claws deeper.

Derek’s eyes flickered to my hands again.

“You need to nod.” I said. “That might give me an indication that you understand the situation.”

“If you have already decided I would do something in future that would warrant a punishment why not start now.” Derek moved fluidly and before I could blink he stood in front of me, so close that I could feel the heat radiating off him.

Warning bells started ringing in my head.

“What do y –” 

Derek closed my mouth with his and at the same time managed to slam me against the wall. Everything inside me melted in the unbearable heat of his body pressed into mine. My very consciousness deemed and the only thing I was aware of was how his lips moved agonisingly slowly and wantonly over my own, which to my horror, parted out of their own volition and I was clutching the collars of Derek’s jacket to bring him even closer. His tongue darted into my mouth, skilfully brushing along the inner rim of my lips and I moaned into him...before trying to shove him away.

It was WRONG! I was NOT with him anymore. The kick to the ribs was me breaking up with him.

But Derek stopped for couple of seconds to just gather my wrists in one hand and pin them above my head.

I could feel the onset of a fever...a fever named Derek Hale...the burning, blazing meteor...the one who was supposed to reduce my heart to ashes.

And I almost did not care, for his lips were at my jawline now and his teeth, grazing over the bone. Then they were at my ears, doing dirty things to them, with his right hand clasped tight around my waist and using that leverage to pull me closer to him as if he wanted to crush me against his ribs and I didn’t mind, I didn’t mind at all, though I was still struggling and Derek had to exert force to hold me in my place. But even as I fought, I blindly sought his lips again and he obliged by meeting them halfway for God I was hungry...I was so Damn hungry for him. It was like my entire being was waiting for him breathless.

I didn’t even realise when I had stopped fighting against his hold and my hands had just gone limp and that he had left his death grip on them to curl it around my neck. I didn’t realise when my own hands had climbed up and clutched his hair to hold him close...like I used to do what seemed like a million years ago.  


I should have fought harder! I was so weak...pathetic really.

A broken sob burst through my lungs.

“Shh...baby,” Derek soothed, “you are ok...it is me...it is only me...” he whispered into my ears. 

That was precisely the problem, one tiny part of my brain which was still capable of rational thoughts, helpfully supplied.

Derek lapped my wet cheek delicately with his tongue. It should have been gross, but it only turned me on more. I didn’t know what was wrong with me and it made me cry harder.

Wimp! Pathetic!

The next thing I knew Derek had hooked a hand under my knees and then he was carrying me while I clinged on to him like a child.

I didn’t even remember losing my t-shirt at some point, but the soft whooshing sound of Derek taking off his belt in one smooth motion was what suddenly brought me back to the reality.

I was sprawled on my back while Derek hovered on me, shirtless and glorious, his impossibly beautiful eyes burning a hole into mine.

I closed my eyes briefly and let my fangs drop. I leapt on Derek and soon the position was reversed. Derek was lying under me and I was snarling into his face.  


Derek didn’t shift at all, but just placed a soothing hand on my arms.

It only worked to enrage me further for my claws dug into his throat. I watched fascinated as the scarlet drops ran down the smooth and creamy skin of his neck and stained the white bedsheet.

Derek hadn’t taken his eyes off me, nor had he tried to resist.

I wrenched myself from him and tried to climb down from the bed, but Derek was faster. He grabbed me again and I collapsed on top on him. 

This time I went for his jugular. The skin broke by my sharp claws, but Derek actually arched upward, with my claws digging deeper.

“You want to fucking kill me,” he said breathlessly, “so don’t do a half-ass job of it.”

Blood trickled down his throat, so much of it. I gasped and tried to move away, shifting back to human, but Derek had me gripped with iron strength. 

I flashed my eyes at him.

“It will not work baby,” Derek smiled crookedly. Amidst everything, the smile made me blind in its beauty alone. “You are not my alpha.”

“Let me make love to you.” Derek looked at me with half-closed eyes. “Let me say goodbye.”

I tried to apply pressure on the vein which was bleeding copiously still now.

“Shut up,” I said and realised I had been crying. I wiped at my eyes impatiently with the back of my wrist for my hands were stained with Derek’s blood.

“I am going to fucking KILL you.” I screamed at him. I didn’t know what to do with the man in my arms. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I didn’t know what to do...at all!

“That you will most certainly do.” Derek said solemnly with a soft look in his eyes.

I blinked at him, momentarily frozen and Derek took the chance to flip me back on the bed again. His wound was closing even as I stared at it and he was smiling down at me with the brightness of a thousand sun.

I closed my eyes.

Suddenly his weight shifted and I felt him pulling my right foot up. I opened my eyes and stared at him, completely hypnotised by his eyes. Derek changed his grip so that his hand cupped my heel and he grazed his teeth, his blunt human teeth along the fleshy curve of my toe. I yelped and tried to yank my foot away, but he just gripped it tighter.

“Did it hurt?” He raised one eyebrow at me.

I could only shake my head in answer for it kind of opposite of hurt. Suddenly, without warning he took my entire toe in his mouth and sucked while looking deep into my eyes. I convulsed as it echoed right into my groin! 

“Jesus...” I muttered squeezing my eyes shut.

“What was that?” I opened my eyes to see the asshole smiling down at me smugly. Then he nuzzled the inside curve of my foot, tantalisingly slowly. I gasped again. He crawled up and plunged the tip on his nose into the dip of my navel. My entire body arched up to meet his mouth which started trailing feather-light kisses down the abdomen, his stubble scratching the delicate flesh deliciously. My hands flew to the button of my jeans, but Derek just swatted them away. He parted my legs and ducked down to graze his teeth again along the seam of my jeans. I heard myself mewling garbled words and I groped around blindly until I found a head full of soft dark hair to grab onto like my life depended on it.

“Stop...” I gasped for I really could not take it anymore. I actually didn’t want him to stop, but on principle, this was something I emphatically should not want. But try telling that to my body!

“Mmmmm...” Derek hummed, without letting go of his hold on my thighs. “You smell heavenly...”

“Stop...” I tried again, weakly, though my hold on his hair was telling another story altogether. Shiver after uncontrollable shiver ran through my body.

But Derek, mercifully did not stop, but went one relentlessly, teasing me with delicate pressure as his mouth worked on me. I felt myself floating in the air. I drew one harsh breath after the other, my entire body shaking, convulsing. It was impossible that he could do that to me without even touching me! My nineteen year old virgin existence was just reduced to one single sensation as it built and built and built...

“Come on baby...come for me,” Derek was whispering things to me, sinful things that if I had any sense should have blocked outright...but I was totally powerless. I was just putty in his hands.

“You are so...wet for me...and you smell...so good” he whispered between breathing and nipping, “I am going to consume you whole.”

I started hyperventilating for it was far too sweet than anything I had experienced so far (not that I had anything to compare it with). I just could not...I had to...I needed a release...or I would die of the sheer pleasure of the sensation building over my body for surely my body was not built to contain it.

Derek suddenly stopped and looked up at me, concerned. 

“Baby,” he breathed out the word softly, like a sweet longing.

I was entirely incapable of making a single sound and so I just pawed at his hair clumsily, trying to push him down to resume whatever the hell he was doing to me. One corner of his lip lifted up in that crooked smile I had started falling in love with all over again and he dipped his head obediently and this time he didn’t stop.  


I shifted, involuntarily, fangs dropping, eyes flashing and claws digging down into the mattress...

It seemed like I was going to explode from the inside.

But it never came...

For Derek had suddenly stopped moving.

The wolf inside me whined and was trying to rip out of my very skin. I felt the sensation building in my limbs subsiding, leaving me cold and utterly, scarily desolate.

Everything hurt.

It was a couple of minutes before I could make myself open my eyes. It was another couple of minutes before I could tame down my breathing and scramble up to find Derek asleep curling on himself at the edge of the bed, with his hair completely mussed up and his face open and utterly vulnerable, his breath coming out in soft snores. He looked like a sleeping angel.

Without thinking I lay down beside him and unfurled his hands to place them around my neck. I cupped his jaw lightly and kissed his slightly parted mouth, tugging his lower lip with my teeth. In between the kiss he woke up, and jerked back. That should have been an indication, but my brain was still fuzzy and yet to catch up and so I just grumbled and made grabby hands for his head to keep him still.

Derek recoiled back up to the headboard and stared at me like he was seeing me for the first time. I sat up slowly.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, with a hard edge to his voice.

“Now you are asking?” I asked in an incredulous voice.

Derek looked at me dumbly, taking in, what seemed like for the first time, our mutual shirtlessness, the still healing scar at his jugular, the tear strain on my cheeks. Then he closed his eyes and dropped his face into his hands.

“Oh God!” He groaned into his hands.

“Derek,” I hated how my voice broke.

“You need to leave Vi.” He said, without bothering to look up. “Right now. Before I do anything to you.”

“It is probably a little late for that.” My voice shook.

Derek immediately looked up at me with a horrified expression on his face.

“Vi,” his voice shook too. “Get out of here. What the hell are you waiting for? GET OUT....NOW!”

I still couldn’t quite make myself move.

Derek looked about wildly and found my t-shirt on the bed. He threw it to me without bothering to look in my direction!

“Go...just...go!”

“Why didn’t I just kill you?” I wondered aloud.

Derek looked like he was in pain.

“I would have let you if I thought it would do you any good.” He mumbled, staring down at his hands.

I didn’t have the energy left to analyse his words or his look, but only feel the complete rejection exuding from his entire being.

I was a goner but even I was not that far gone that I would not recognise a dismissal. I pulled my shirt on and climbed down the bed even while my entire being still gravitated towards where Derek was sitting on his haunches. Before I could take a single step my knees buckled under me and I fell down in a heap. Derek made no move to come and pick me up. I rose to my feet unsteadily for they were still shaking. Somehow I made it to the door and only then I looked back at him.

He was still sitting in the same posture, staring at his hands.

By the time I was out of the loft door, I heard him retching.

So, that was how much I disgusted him!


	14. Ashes to ashes

Derek’s POV:

As I splashed the walls of the cake shop with gasoline, the irony of it burned, literally. The building contained a warehouse too, but luckily there were no people around this late at night. So there would be no human casualties. 

I had worked out my finances the day before yesterday and it was strangely therapeutic. Hopefully with the insurance money and whatever was left in my bank account, it would be enough for Vi to open the shop again or to pay for her college tuitions or take a vacation hightailing through Europe, if she were so inclined.

I would lie if I said I was not afraid. Among all possible ways to die fire was my least favourite method. Other than the memories associated with it, it was the fact that I was a werewolf. The fire would burn through my skin and sinews and muscles and bones and my body would try to heal over and over and over and it would burn over and over until one of the two won – the fire or my healing ability. That was why I needed to make the fire big, make sure it didn’t burn out leaving the job half-done. 

So, fire, would be unpleasant, but it would be poetic. Probably I WAS a sadomasochist as I sometimes suspected or it was the most sure shot way to die. 

I had made a promise to myself years ago. Even if I were a cold-blooded killer (I had killed Kate and Marco and Peter in cold blood) there were some boundaries I wouldn’t cross and would suffer the punishment if I ever did. When I made myself the promise, I never imagined I would ever sink so low that I would try to rape the person I loved more than my own life. Blanked out or not, there was one part of my mind, which perpetrated the crime. I couldn’t live with myself with this knowledge. Even I had a limit to my endurance.

Moreover, it would save Vi or Chris or Scott the trauma to ‘put me down’ by their own hands. It would save them a lifetime of nightmares and guilt.

It had taken me nearly a month to come to this decision though. The sense of self-preservation ran really deep. Also, I didn’t want to run again like a coward. I had promised someone I would not run, but I guess this was not running as much as accepting defeat or bowing down to the inevitability. 

Also, I had to make sure Angelique did not have the power to harm Vi or Scott or anybody else in the pack again.

“I hope you are comfortable.” I muttered to the figure gagged and tied to the chair inside the kitchen as I tore open the gas pipes.

It took a few sips of angelica wine, which basically contained the extract of angelica roots, to have her unconscious. Well, it was a happy day for her and she had reasons to indulge herself. It was Parrish who had handed her the expensive bottle of wine as an engagement gift, which Sheriff and ‘Helen’ decided to celebrate in the police station itself. Parrish had missed most of the drama that took place between the pack and myself for he was busy taking care of his sister who had an accident. Still, I couldn’t believe he would agree to me so readily when I approached him with the request that he gifted the bottle of wine to the Sheriff’s fiancé on my behalf.

“Don’t you think you should do a chemical analysis.” I had asked him with raised eyebrows. “I could try to poison her you know.”

Parrish had studied me silently for a few seconds.

“Have you?” He asked finally.

I had heaved a sigh. “No. It is just a regular wine, with angelica extract.”

“That is not a poison.”

“Not for us.” I said. I didn’t want to lie to Parrish. I really liked this guy for whatever reason. It might have to do with the fact that he was basically Scott 2.0, all goodness personified, but an even softer and sweeter version.

“But it is to a witch what wolfsbane is to us wolves.” I clarified.

Parrish had just raised one eyebrow at me and taken the bottle from me without further question.

It had been trickier to eavesdrop on the event with wolves and a Kitsune and a Coyote present, but somehow I had managed to do that without being detected. I had stationed myself at the roof of the house exactly opposite to the one that housed the police station.

I could clearly decipher Angelique’s heartbeat from there, which became irregular as she took a few unsuspecting sips of the wine.

She had excused herself early. The sheriff was concerned and wanted to drop her home, but she had just waved him off. 

I knew she was desperate to get away for she would try for an antidote.

I didn’t know what would have happened if she had reached the Nemeton, but she had fallen unconscious in her car even before she had entered into the preserve. The car had swerved off the road and hit a tree, causing a minor head injury.

I should have probably killed her then and there, plunging my claws through her unconscious form. Somehow I couldn’t strike a completely defenceless person.

So the next best option was to let the witch burn. 

As I said, it was a horrible way to die, but I was not feeling particularly merciful towards her for Vi and even Stiles would probably never recover from the emotional scars she had me handing out to them and God only knew what havoc she would wreak on the pack when she would find out I was out of her reach forever. I would happily let myself be damned to hell for all eternity for this if it meant my pack was safe.

One hell was waiting immediately before me...

I let my gaze linger over each piece of furniture, the light fixtures, the oven, the walls, the empty display counter, the pictures on the wall – every damn thing hand-picked by Vi – with me in tow. She had been bubbling in excitement the entire day. She had thrown herself into research like a woman on a mission to make it the best in business. I stood in the background, cheering her on silently though never letting my enthusiasm show, never letting it slip how much I really depended on this little shop to turn my life around, how very much I depended on the little slip of a girl to turn ME around. I didn’t want to burden her with my...everything. I didn’t want her to feel suffocated. I never told her...how much she meant for she was only nineteen. What if she outgrew her crush? A whole wide world was there for her to take upon, to conquer, to revel in, to taste, to explore and I was just an ancient piece of history haunting the forest of Beacon Hills, just barely alive. Who was I to hold her back?

Now I was grateful for my reticence. She would never know. She wouldn’t know she was my only reason for taking the next breath. 

I took out my lighter from the back pocket. I could hear my prisoner gaining consciousness. I needed to act quickly now.

I flipped it open and threw the flaming lighter into the puddle of gasoline on the floor.


	15. Brother, friend, lover...leader

Stiles’s POV:

It was Vi who pushed dad to pop the question to Helen. My sister even picked the ring for dad and when dad proposed Helen, at the end of a family dinner, like a proper gentleman, declaring sheepishly how he would have been on his knees if only they could take his body-weight. Helen clamped both hands on her mouth and laughed with tears glistening in her eyes. That melted away whatever reservation I had about the entire affair.

In Beacon Hills we were always running out of time. We didn’t really know how many days we had under this sun, this moon and how long our hearts would still move to see the love in another’s eyes. So yes, it was fast, but it was exactly how it should have happened. While organising a wedding would still take some time, all of us pretty much strong-armed dad to throw a party to celebrate their engagement.

Dad and Helen had insisted to make it an intimate family affair. Well, family included pack and then dad remembered he was also an alpha of his own pack – the Beacon Hills police force. 

So, we had picked up a perfect venue for the party.

Dad was still recuperating from his wounds, but he was looking dashing in his uniforms. Helen looked downright beautiful in a blue dress that matched her eyes with her dark hair pinned up in a complicated updo.

There was a chocolate cake, baked by Vi of course and pizza and that was that, not that anybody was complaining. Parrish was thoughtful enough to bring a bottle of red wine that smelled heavenly. It was a small and homely affair with everybody knowing everybody and we went about pretending everything was ok.

Well, nothing was ok!

Vi looked like a ghost, half the time while during the other half she was trying too desperately prove that she was all right. She would laugh, a little too loudly but it sounded brittle or crack off-colour jokes which was really not her thing and she would ramble about unimportant things like a baseball match or a movie she had watched (she hadn’t for she had drifted away right after it started and had just read the summary on IMDB website) or she would be aggressively cheerful, again, not her thing at all! It was painful to watch. 

And I wished she was the only one affected.

Scott had become a grumpy, ill-tempered shadow of his former self. 

Chris had joined my father in his weekly drinking session and it was scary to see the two grown-ass, responsible adults singing ‘uptown girl’ in a bad imitation or Billy Joel up to four in the morning.

Lydia, for God only knew what reason, had begun carrying a Rubik’s Cube in her purse and she would absent-mindedly twirl it between her fingers every now and then with a faraway look in her eyes. I was too much of a chicken to ask what was with that.

Kira and Malia, both had regressed dramatically in the last month and went back to having little control over their inner animals, something they had started mastering well under the stern tutelage of a certain person we didn’t name any more. There was an incident when Kira was going to chop of Liam’s head during a practice session with her katana. If Scott was not there to intervene in the nick of time and hold her back until she came back to herself, there was no hope for Liam.

I had a strong sense of déjà vu when last year I had started to miss a person so much it felt like losing a limb.

The only difference was, this time the absence was a final one.

So there was nothing else to do but to pretend that everything was fine.

No wonder the engagement party was a welcome break.

It was all going according to the plan and we were also having a bit of fun (according to the plan again). Vi had a genuine smile on her face for the first time in one month when dad danced with Helen, at everybody’s request with all the deputies cheering them on. Only Lydia looked preoccupied. When I asked her about it, she just shrugged, saying her headache was getting worse.

Other than that, the party was almost enjoyable.

Of course, something had to go wrong at that point.

Helen left all of a sudden, not even taking a single bite of the cake made in her honour. We didn’t even realise for a quarter of an hour. When we did, it turned out she was feeling unwell. I was surprised dad had let her go home by herself, but dad also looked pretty baffled. 

“She wouldn’t let me drive home.” He shrugged helplessly. “She was adamant about it.”

Then after a pause he added, “I hope she is not getting cold feet.”

I suggested dad to call her on her phone. It went on ringing and dad was getting increasingly worried. Vi suggested she was probably driving and Scott wanted to go after her and check if she had reached home safely.

“Nah...” dad shook his head. “I don’t want to over-react. I am sure she would call.”

“Dad, I think you better let Scott or somebody else check on her. I think she had a little too much to drink.” Vi insisted, worried for Helen’s sake.

“Drink what?” Dad frowned. “I told you strictly not to bring alcohol here.”

“It was only wine,” I assured dad. “Parrish had brought it.”

“Well, I will go on foot as it will be quicker.” Scott mumbled to my ear and before dad could protest Scott was out of the door.

Parrish was watching us from a distance. Now he strode forward and dragged me by my shirtsleeve to one corner.

It was no use for Vi and most members of our pack could hear every word he would say anyway.

“Stiles, I am going to disclose something to you. But you need to think out rationally before reacting.”

I stared at him and he met my gaze squarely.

“What is it?” I frowned.

“It was a special kind of wine.” Parrish said.

“Ok,” I said, confused as to where he was going with this. 

Lydia joined us. Parrish glanced at her briefly and went on, more urgently than before.

“It was laced with angelica root extract. A flavouring agent that is not harmful to humans.”

Lydia and I exchanged a look and I felt Vi’s eyes boring on my back.

“But it is poisonous to a witch.” Parrish finished a little breathlessly.

“What!” Lydia and I exclaimed together.

As if on cue, my phone rang. It was a message from Scott.

‘I am standing opposite her sister’s house. Her car is not here. There is no sign of her.’

“Shit!” I exclaimed.

“Jordan,” Lydia looked into his eyes and enunciated each word carefully. “Is there anything else you would like to add to that?”

Jordan looked away for a moment. 

“Well,” Lydia tapped her foot impatiently against the floor.

“Derek gave me that bottle to give it to Helen.”

Vi was there by my side in an instant. Others took time, but they huddled around, soon. With supernatural hearing, nobody needed a repetition of the startling piece of information.

“The hell!” Vi hissed at Parrish.

“Well, it is not supposed to be harmful to a normal human being.” Parrish repeated.

“Guys,” I winced as dad had crept on us without me noticing him. “Is there a...Lydia?”

Dad broke off to stare at Lydia, whose eyes had suddenly gone unfocussed and glassy.

“Lyds...” Parrish touched her arm.

Lydia stared off into the space for a few more seconds before she started screaming.

...

“Derek didn’t eat for three days straight because his pet hamster died.” Deaton said. “He was eight.”

“What does it have to do with anything?” Scott frowned deeply.

“He used to get grounded often, not because he skipped classes or anything, but he couldn’t resist pulling off pains from a human when he saw anyone getting hurt, especially his friends at school. Talia was terrified for him.” Deaton went on as if Scott hadn’t said anything.

Well, we were all aware how Deaton liked to play the resident mystic while actually being completely clueless. So patience was running thin all around. Helen had left close to an hour ago and she had not reached home which was a ten minute drive. Scott had, by some miracle, been exceptionally insightful and had gone on to check on Derek (not that Scott was unintelligent, but I never claimed my best friend was the first one to connect the dots) and he was not there at his loft either. Derek could have been anywhere in Beacon Hills for all sorts of nocturnal activity, but together with the problem that he had practically slipped in anti-witch potion into the party for Helen’s benefit was incriminating indeed.

So Deaton was our next viable option to unsolved the mystery, since he was back from his month-old tour of whatever obscure place he had been.

But in typical Deaton fashion, instead of answering a direct question about the angelica roots and if it was really harmless or not, he started on Derek, after Scott having explained in full details why we had cut him loose from our pack.

That was Deaton for you!

“When he was thirteen and Talia was pregnant with Lily he would take it upon himself to make dinner for the entire family. Of course Cora and Erik would help him for those two just about worshipped the ground Derek walked on.”

“How come you never told us you knew Derek so well?” I piped up.

“I didn’t. Talia was a good friend and a great mom. Like all moms she liked to babble about her children. There were no other people around to whom she could lament how her werewolf son would scare the children coming for trick or treat during the Halloween by flashing golden eyes at them.”

“Where are you even going with all these?” It was dad this time. He was dead worried about Helen, but like all of us, there was a seed of suspicion that had begun to grow in his mind too. I could tell it because, well, it was my dad.

“You haven’t seen him lately or have seen the kind of things he had been doing.” Chris shook his head. “He is just turning feral, I am afraid.”

Deaton pinned him with a look.

“Derek hadn’t turned feral when his entire family was burnt to death by a psychotic hunter pretending to be his girlfriend and when his last known blood-relative killed the only other surviving member of his family or when he was locked up in a basement and tortured for days just for somebody’s pleasure.”

Chris at least had the grace to avert his eyes.

“And NOW he decides to turn feral?”

“That was our theory. What else could be wrong with him?” Chris challenged.

“And don’t even say he is possessed for he was most emphatically not.” I said. “It didn’t look like he was different at all. Derek was completely himself all the time.”

“But he was having black-outs.” Deaton said patiently, like he was speaking with a five-year old.

“Black outs?” Vi asked breathlessly.

“Why else do you think he wouldn’t remember things he had said or done a few minutes back?” Deaton crossed his arms and looked hard at me.

“Alan,” Scott interjected, “he attacked a human in the hospital and I was DEAD sure it was Derek and not under any kind of spell either. Chris had to taser him.”

Deaton looked at Scott and his eyes were hard again. “Do you know when he went to La Iglesia to rescue you he had lost his power and he could barely handle a gun? Do you know he still went ahead because and I quote him ‘if I can save Scott, it will be worth it’, for that was what he told me when I said he could very well be walking straight to his death.”

“Why do you...what exactly is your point?” Scott grumbled. “Have you forgotten how he beat you up and kidnapped you after Laura was murdered?”

“Does he really have to spell it out?” Lydia asked scathingly. “What he means is that Derek is basically a good person. Whatever he did after Laura’s death was him being pushed to a corner, by the death of his family, by his sister’s murder, by homicidal sadistic hunters and so on. So maybe we are wrong to judge him so quickly. AGAIN. We have done it before. Maybe it is the history repeating itself.”

“But you don't even like Derek.” Scott accused Deaton.

“With Derek, it is complicated.”

“Try us.” Vi said quietly.

Deaton heaved a sigh.

“Derek is exactly like her mother. That is where he got his looks and those multi-coloured eyes from. That is where he got his penchant for sarcasm. Talia was all caustic remarks and wry humour, but at heart she was an angel, but tell that to her face she would just about rip your face off. Every time I see Derek, I am reminded of her, and that is...not pleasant. Also his mother had really high hopes for Derek. He had the capability, but he really screwed everything up, royally.”

My eyebrows shot up. 

“So all the while we thought you hated the very guts of Derek you were actually taking out your pathetic secret crush on her momma and lashing out at the son? That is why you always try to save his life and all even while acting like he is the plague on earth?” 

“Stiles!” Scott hissed, utterly shocked.

Deaton gave Scott a small, sad smile.

“He is actually not very far from the truth.”

“So what is your ‘objective’ opinion now.” I air-quoted the word ‘objective.’

“I think we have a witch at hand considering she felt ill after taking angelica wine.” Deaton said flatly. “She might as well be putting spells on Derek to lose his mind and to blank out and to do things he wouldn’t normally do. But the question remains why Derek was targeted in particular.”

“Chris,” Vi’s voice shook, “are you alright?”

We all turned to look at the hunter only to find that he had gone pale and utterly still.

“Kate...” Chris shook his head vigorously, “can it be possible?” He seemed to be talking to himself.

“Chris, what is it?” Dad looked like he wanted to shake Chris.

“Derek was saying something about Nice...that day at the hospital.” Chris passed a hand over his eyes.

“I think, no, actually I know for a fact Kate used to have a girlfriend at Nice.” Chris mumbled. He looked about us wildly, “Gerard didn’t approve of course and we didn’t think she was actually dating her, for she never mentioned her to us. But...” he trailed off.

A dead silence followed while everybody was just trying to absorb the information overload.

Fucking.blind.

I had been fucking blind. How could I be so blind-sided?

It was Vi who made a small sound which was half whimper, and half choking that broke the deafening silence.

“But the background check...” I couldn’t even look at dad’s face, crumpled in sorrow and realisation.

“Well, a good witch would be able to put on a glamour. It is like a magical disguise. You can make yourself look like anybody you want to.” Deaton shrugged. “The more powerful they are, the longer they would be able to do it.”

“Vi...” Dad’s voice made me look up at him and I realised Vi was not standing by his side anymore.

Scott and I looked at each other and we turned as one and rushed out of Deaton’s clinic, vaguely aware of dad shouting after us.

By the time I started Roscoe, Kira, Lydia and Malia also rushed over and crammed themselves into the backseat. Liam, Hayden and Mason got into Jordan’s car.  


“Hey...” I paused briefly with my hands clutching the steering wheel, when the breathless voice called us.

“Stiles, Scott...” Deaton came running down to us, with dad in tow. “I don’t know if it helps, but yesterday Derek had come over to give me the triskelion box that contains his mother’s claws for safekeeping.”

Scott and I exchanged another glance.

“He had let it slip that he was meeting his solicitor yesterday evening and today,” Deaton sighed tiredly, “I received a large, anonymous donation for my clinic. I have reasons to believe it is him.”

I nodded and revved the engine.

“Stiles you better hurry up.” Lydia’s voice exuded pure panic. “Something is going to happen. Move, move, move...”

I didn’t have to be told twice.

“Where to?” I asked Scott. 

Scott sniffed the air.

“Go straight...then I will tell you.”

Within a few minutes we spotted Vi tearing through the deserted streets of the town.

“Do you think he is running away? Again?” Scott wondered aloud.

“I have no idea.” I muttered darkly under my breath. “Not any more.”

We turned left and then right, following Vi, who kept pushing herself to her limit for we were going well over the speed limit. Go girl...I silently cheered her on. You always loved to run and this was fucking time you run like you never had...

An increasing sense of foreboding was clutching at my chest, making it difficult to breath. It was NOT a good time for a panic attack.

“Stiles,” Scott placed a hand on my arm, sensing my distress.

“Scott,” my voice cracked, “I screwed up. MAJORLY.”

“Dude,” Scott said wincing, “it was not only you. How could you know...”

“We should have listened to him when he said...” I trailed off lamely and floored the accelerator as Vi, in an impossible burst of speed, launched herself across the road like an arrow.

We heard the explosion even before we reached our destination.

“No, no, no...” I was not even aware when I had started chanting the denial over and over under my breath before Scott gripped my arm tightly.

For we were not prepared for the scene in front of us!

Devil’s Own was up in flames and Vi was headed straight towards the burning inferno without breaking her stride.

Even before I had slammed on the brake, Scott had leapt out of the car gracefully and he was chasing after Vi. Scott grabbed Vi by the waist and pulled her back from the blaze.

“Nooooooooo...” Vi screamed and she was tearing at Scott’s hands with claws. “Noooooo...”

Jordan fishtailed immediately behind us, tires screeching in protest.

“Whoa...what!” I asked stupidly, climbing down the car.

“It is Derek.” Malia’s hands were covering her mouth and her voice came muffled. “Derek is inside.”

Lydia climbed out of the jeep with some effort and slumped against the door. Then she promptly started banging the back of her head against my jeep.  


“Lydia,” Kira tried to make her stop.

“I.don’t.want.to.scream” Lydia bit out. 

Jordan got out from his car and strode forward.

“Derek...” Vi screamed and she looked like she was ready to tear Scott’s arm off his body to get out of his hold.

I hurried to them.

“Vi...calm down.” I approached her cautiously. “Derek cannot be inside. It is probably a trap. He has enough sense to get out of a house on fire in time!” He had a phobia of fire, I added silently. A phobia that affected him badly enough that he still got tense in the sight of open flames, even though he pretended to be cool about it. I had noticed how rigid he always was when he would help Vi cook dinner at our house. 

Vi, if anything, went even crazier in Scott’s arms. Finally, she just head-butted Scott with such force that I was sure there was a broken nose involved. Scott cried out in pain and for a moment his grip loosened. Vi tore herself away from him and ran righte into the blazing furnace of the shop.

“No...” Strong hands grabbed me from behind, stopping me forcibly from following her footsteps. 

Malia.

I tripped over my feet with Malia collapsing on me.

“Vi...no...don’t” I sobbed brokenly. “It is a TRICK.”

“No...” Scott shook his head. “Derek is inside,” Scott stared into the blaze. “Derek is fucking...fuck –”

“What!” I asked stupidly, trying to get on my feet again.

“The asshole...he is INSIDE...” Scott looked at me wildly, eyes flashing crimson. “Don’t you get it Stiles...meeting with the solicitor, sorting out his finances...he is...inside, voluntarily.”

“What!” It was Malia this time.

“Vi...” I screamed again for I could not see her past the flame and the smoke.

Jordan walked past me, stripping off the shirt and I watched fascinated how his skin caught fire. His steps were calm and measured. He didn’t flinch back when the fire engulfed him and the next thing I knew my stupid, butthead best friend followed the hell-hound and my crazy sister into the hell-hole.

I didn’t even know whom to cry for any more!

WHY WOULD DEREK CHOOSE DEATH BY FIRE OF ALL THINGS KNOWING FULL WELL HOW HORRIBLE THE DEATH WOULD BE!

WHY WOULD HE CHOOSE TO DIE BY ANY MEANS FOR THAT MATTER!

The answer was so blatantly obvious now and it was all coming back. Lydia’s premonitions, the beginning of Derek’s nightmares, his sleeplessness, the falling asleep at odd times and the black-outs...him trying to tell us in the typical Derek fashion something was wrong with him, but we snubbing him, sabotaging his every effort to talk, the way he reacted to Helen at the hospital, the way Helen openly baited him...Theo...we believed Theo over him and, and...I could not breathe!

It was becoming so fucking clear that Derek was targeted and we helped accomplish it...because we didn’t read the signals properly. Well, who the hell was I kidding? It was because we did not trust Derek completely and implicitly.

And to think he was trying to hold us together, to try to make sense, to organise meetings and counter the problem head on...and how we had turned him down, again and again.

I suddenly felt nauseous, remembering Derek’s last words at the hospital...

I am not going anywhere...I am...I will stay with you...

A choked sob broke from me.

Let me stay - he had pleaded Vi who would probably have been the only one who would have listened, but for me.

How could I forget the perfectly gentle way he had turned me down, without hurting my feelings when I had kissed him when he was barely conscious. How could I fucking forget that!

I wanted to just keel over and die.

“Stiles...” Malia was weeping silently, though she had not loosened her hold on me. 

“I am not going anywhere, but are they dead yet?” I asked hollowly. “Would you please check for me?”

“One part of the roof just collapsed.” Kira said, woodenly, staring into the fire like she was hypnotised. “I could still hear the heartbeats – of three people.”

“Derek...” Malia whispered hoarsely.

Liam, Hayden and Mason stood nearby helplessly, wringing their hands in distress.

I could hear Lydia trying her best to hold back her scream, but she was not being very successful.

Malia rose, helping me to my feet.

“Jesus Christ.” Kira’s hands flew to her mouth.

Two...no...three figures appeared in the doorway. The third figure just hung between the two, limply, while the other two struggled to find balance.

Liam and Hayden shot forward to help.

Another one appeared to almost crawl out of the burning building and Kira rushed to it immediately.

“Scott...” she screamed.

I wept in relief as I saw my sister and Jordan carrying a half-burnt man between them and then collapsed as soon as they were out of the range of fire.

“Oh thank God...” Lydia had dragged herself forward. Her face was pinched and she looked this close to fainting, but there was a wan smile on her face.

I almost slammed into Vi and though she smelt overwhelmingly of smoke and though there were severe burn marks on her skin and half her hair was charred, she was alive.

I held her tight and I could not help looking at the almost unrecognisable form of the man lying on the ground over Vi’s shoulder. I gripped my sister tighter.  


Maybe there would be no relief for me after all!

Vi sobbed into my neck brokenly. “What have I done to him...”

“Shhh...it is ok...it is ok.” I tried, not believing in the lie for one moment.

“He has a heartbeat...” Scott gasped as he approached us with Kira and Malia supporting him on both sides. 

Vi disentangled from me and together we stared at Derek or what remained of him.

It was his face that had miraculously escaped any damage, but other than that...he looked and felt dead.

My knees gave away beneath me and for the first time the enormity of it hit me.

I had killed him with my mistrust of him!

I had made him want to kill himself with the thing he was afraid of the most...that was how much I had pushed him over the edge.

Scott slumped down at Derek’s side and held his hand. Derek’s fingers moved and he reflexively clutched at his hand.

“He is alive...barely...but alive.” Scott’s breathing came out in wheezes. He seemed to be in terrible pain.

I looked over at Kira.

“His spinal cord is broken,” Kira sobbed. “The roof...” she trailed off. 

Of fucking course. It was the idiot who must have held it up on his back alone while Vi and Parrish had gone about rescuing Derek.

I focused on Derek again. Was his skin healing or was it just wistful thinking?

Vi knelt by his other side and gripped his hand. Her eyes were squeezed shut and black veins ran down her arms. She was drawing pain from him, but I was not sure that would do any good.

Vi started gasping for breath.

“Vi...lay it off,” Jordan touched her arm gently. “It can...” Vi glared at him, “...kill you.” Parrish finished lamely.

“I DON’T FUCKING CARE.”

“What is he DOING?” Lydia suddenly screamed pointing towards Derek’s left hand.

“NO,” Scott growled, and tried to pry his hand free which was clutched by Derek. “Don’t Derek!” Scott screamed, horrified.

It was not really noticeable at first because his skin was covered with burns and in soot, but once I crouched down at his feet and looked carefully, black veins were clearly visible under his skin.

Derek was taking pain from Scott, even while he was unconscious and barely breathing!

“STOP,” Scott whimpered. But Derek was not in the realm of listening. He had gone beyond that. Even then the need to protect and to provide comfort and to do right by his pack-mate, his ‘brother’ ran so deep that he had instinctively latched onto Scott, trying to relieve his pain while his own agony must have been beyond human endurance.

“DEREK...” Vi bent over on him and grabbed his face. “Don’t you dare...don’t you fucking DARE...”

She closed his eyes again as black veins re-appeared on her arms.

“I won’t let you go.” Vi chanted, entirely oblivious of everything else. “I love you...I love you...Derek...are you listening. I am so fucking killing you if you die on me...”

Within seconds she shifted into her alpha form and then she raised her head towards the sky and she howled. It was unlike anything I had ever heard before. It was a gut-wrenching sound of pain and loss and it had me almost want to cower.

“What is happening to her?” I rocked back.

“She...is trying to save him.” Kira looked at her in wonder. "Sacrificing her alpha power, the way Derek saved Cora."

Scott’s eyes snapped to Kira. He looked much better now, with his pain subsided.

“It is not going to be enough...probably...” Kira was shaking her head looking down at Derek. “His heart is too weak.”

Scott took a deep breath and took Derek’s now limp hand in his. He started drawing the pain from Derek too, closing his eyes and biting down on his lips.  


Scott’s eyes flew open and it flashed red.

Of course my sister and my half-brother would be ready to give up their alpha power and then some to save Derek. The million dollar question was if it would work!

“Stiles...touch him.” Lydia suddenly sat down on her haunches and placed a hand on his head. “Everybody...please.” She murmured.

Nobody needed to be told twice as one by one the entire pack gathered around and dropped to their knees...human, supernatural alike, Chris and dad who had reached by then, being the last ones. We touched Derek’s motionless form, his hands, legs shoulders, torso...we tried to cocoon Derek with our warmth...we channelled our will...we channelled...our love...our trust...our belief in him and we channelled everything.

I knew I was only human and I knew it was not possible...but I suppressed all the negative thought and tried to remember...

...the way he smiled sometimes when he thought nobody was looking, the way he fought like there was no tomorrow when any of us was in harm’s way, the way he cared for us and the million little ways he showed it...never actually voicing it, but just showing thorough his action...leading us, teaching us, guiding us, loving us...loving us with everything he has...we were NOT his pack...we really were not...

...for we were his family...Scott being his kid brother who always suffered from authority problem, I was his best friend to whom he would confide his secrets sometimes, Lydia was the super-bitchy yet protective elder sister, Kira the clueless cousin, Malia the naughty youngest sibling, the problem child of the family...and Vi...Vi was his everything...

I closed my eyes and remembered...his offering himself to Theo to save Vi...him digging Vi’s grave with bare hands...I remembered how we all gave in while he still went on...

We couldn’t...we simply couldn’t let him go.

WE COULDN’T...

“Derek...” I heard Lydia’s gasp and I opened one eye.

I didn’t dare to look down, but looked at Vi and Scott...their eyes were flashing golden.

I opened both eyes and looked down again to see a miracle taking place right in front of our eyes.

Derek’s body was healing over...the muscles knitting, fresh skin covering the open wounds, the burn marks fading...until it was smooth and taut over his torso and limbs...and finally, finally Derek’s eyes fluttered open and it flashed crimson.

I gasped. Derek looked disoriented for a moment and then his eyes fell on Vi and before we could blink he had leapt up to a sitting position and scooted back a good few feet.

“Vi...” he said hoarsely. “I...can’t...no...”

“Derek,” Vi launched herself at him and would not let him go. “Why...why..why...”

“I...I cannot...I am sorry...I...” Derek was panicking as he was trying to hold her back by the shoulders. He started sobbing then like his heart was breaking inside him and we looked at him completely baffled. 

“Not after...what I did to you...”

Vi froze and grabbed Derek’s face, forcing him to make eye-contact.

“Derek.” Derek would not look at Vi. “Derek,” Vi pleaded, her voice braking, “what do you think you did to me...in the loft?”

Derek wrenched himself free from Vi to turn his back on her and just buried his face in the dust and wept. He sounded so utterly lonely and broken that it almost drew a collective whimper from all of us. What was this hell that he was dragged through by that bitch! And we, who were supposed to be his friends, actually helped...oh the irony of it!

“Derek,” Vi crawled around and placed her hands over his head, fingers digging into his hair. Her face had suddenly lit up in understanding. “Do you...is it...baby do you think you...oh God...was it because of THAT!!!”

Derek didn’t bother to look up, but just shook his head. “I.can’t.live.with.that.knowledge...I can’t...”

“You didn’t rape me.” Vi suddenly blurted out and all of us gaped at her, clueless as to what had passed between them, but it definitely felt like we were intruding upon something intimate.

Derek’s head snapped up and his eyes were red-rimmed from crying.

Vi took his face in her hands again and tenderly, tenderly she wiped his tears away.

“We got carried away and it was wonderful. But I thought it was a terrible idea for I was not sure where we stood with each other,” Vi smiled weakly. “Do you seriously believe you could do that to me? Even under the spell of a witch?”

Derek stared at her.

“I didn’t?”

“Oh you did horrible things...” Vi clarified. “But not that.”

“I didn’t have sex with Theo either.” Derek said defensively.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“I didn’t.” Derek looked like he would burst into tears again.

“Derek,” Vi had a full-fledged smile by now. “I don’t care.”

Derek stared at Vi for a full minute.

“I love you.” Derek suddenly blurted out and even I could hear Vi’s sharp intake of breath. But Derek was not finished yet, not even by a mile. “You are the reason I live and breathe. I have been in love with you since you came to our house with Cora. I secretly watched over you when I came back to Beacon hills and you took to running through the woods. All the while you thought you had this one-sided crush on me, I had been pining for you and you alone. I had never loved anybody more than you in my life...”

Derek would have probably gone on rambling (it was excusable for it was the first time since I knew him that I heard him rambling and frankly it was pretty adorable), but Vi played the spoilsport by sealing his lips with a kiss.

Lydia sighed contentedly beside me, leaning back into Parish who wrapped his hands around her protectively.

“Now that is a fairy tale romance.”

Everybody hummed in agreement.

I was smiling so widely I might have seriously hurt a muscle in my cheek.


	16. Angels and devils

Vi’s POV:

“Can I tempt you with a lemon meringue pie?” Derek’s voice was light with just a ghost of a smile AND it was effortlessly sexy. I couldn’t even believe how much he had changed in the past few months.

Things had taken a grim turn briefly as Helen or Angelique’s coven had come down to Beacon Hills to seek revenge for her death. Derek, as usual, had gone off to offer himself in lieu of the safety of the pack, but for once, the witches were impressed by his courage and he had managed to tell them his side of the story.

Some members of her coven were not pleased with the kind of things Angeliqe had done to avenge the death of her girlfriend and Derek had been able to convince them to leave.

We had confronted the two who refused to listen to the voice of reason with Theo helping us out. I was really grateful for Derek’s decision to keep him as an ally even though he had lied about Derek during the Helen incident.

It took time, but finally we were able to get better of them. Both of the witches were at Eichen house now, safely tucked away under lock and key.

In the ensuing lull Derek threw himself into restoring the shop. I couldn’t bear to be anywhere near the shop for a long time for the memory it evoked. On the day of its opening Derek had almost kidnapped me from my home (with full consent of my dad, the traitor), with blindfolds and all and had deposited me into the shop. When I opened my eyes, I had gasped, for it was exactly the same, down to the glass panel fixed on the wall with steel rivets where I wrote down the special items of the day.

I couldn’t stay away after that.

And then there was this changed...reformed version of Derek. He smiled like a normal person...hell, he laughed, which we were still getting used to. Whenever he did that, all of us, including Scott stared at him with a slightly dopey smile on our lips, for his laughter was truly dazzling.

We had started to believe Derek was coming back to his former, his pre-Kate self...his real self.

My mind snapped back to the present at the sound of the other voice.

“Oh honey...save those dimples for somebody who was not born in the wrong half of the century. You know I would take the damn pie anyway.” A very familiar voice chirped.

It was Mrs. Cunningham, who lived across the street from our house. She was a regular customer and a fan of anything...lemon-y. I bit down a smile.

“And while you are in a good mood, how about you do me a favour, again. I will bake cookies for you.”

“Cookies won’t cut it.” Derek said solemnly. “My girlfriend is about the best cookie-maker in the universe.”

I swore I heard Julie rolling her eyes at Derek.

“And I promise to buy them all, to the last pieces, for a month.”

“You promised to buy all our brownies for one month last time.” Derek reminded her when he gave some social service in the form of helping Mrs. Cunningham mow her lawn for her. She was trying to do it herself and we had been watching her from our kitchen window for about half an hour before Derek had sworn under his breath and gone over with Stiles and I following him to enjoy the show.

Mrs. Cunningham was paranoid about letting strangers into her house and so she wouldn’t hire a handyman to do the odd-jobs. Stiles had been her go-to man for a long time until he had put his foot down when she still insisted on paying back with the most foul-tasting cookies in the world.

She had let Derek do the work for her though. She knew him as my boyfriend and even better as the owner of her favourite cake shop. She had relented the control of the mower to Derek who had stripped off his shirt and for the next half an hour Stiles and I just about rolled on the ground laughing as a sweaty Derek in ripped jeans and white vest mowed Mrs. Cunningham’s huge lawn. The lady herself sat on the steps of her porch supervising the progress with many of our neighbours blatantly ogling my boyfriend.

She had rewarded Derek with a pat on the arm and a plate full of burnt cookies made of unidentifiable substance. Derek had grimaced but accepted it gracefully enough.

“Take it up Der...” I commented, appearing out of the back-room to stand beside him behind the counter. “God knows the neighbourhood could do with the view.”

Mrs. Cunningham chuckled at me. “I always knew you are a well-rounded girl.”

“You don’t need to butter me up. I know you liked the show.”

Derek choked on his own spit and Julie was red in the face trying to suppress her giggles.

“So?” Mrs. Cunningham raised her eyebrows. “I said I am old. I am not into my graves yet.”

Derek ran into the kitchen, coughing violently.

I sighed. “My boyfriend is hopelessly adorable.”

Julie rolled her eyes, again, muttering something that suspiciously sounded like ‘hopeless saps’ under her breath.

“He is a keeper.” Mrs. Cunningham beamed.

“That he is.” I smiled at her as Julie handed her the order.

By the time it was nine thirty, I felt exhausted. Werewolf metabolism or not my day started pretty early everyday with a half-an hour drive to my college. So by the time Julie took her leave after we wrapped up the left-over cakes and cookies to donate them to the homeless shelter next day, a practice introduced by Derek, I was about ready to face-plant on the floor and snore away.

“Vi,” suddenly Derek was behind me. Only Derek could sneak up on me, even when I was a werewolf.

I turned to him and raised my eyebrows.

He looked...nervous!

He scratched the back of his head and he fidgeted.

Well!

“I kind of wanted to do it in a really special way...but...” he trailed off.

I didn’t even let him sink down to his knees before I launched myself into him.

Derek caught me easily and I was straddling him, with my hands wrapped securely around his neck, like a Velcro monkey.

“Yes, yes, yes...a thousand times yes,” I laughed into his neck. “You really should have hidden it somewhere better than inside the coffee pot.”

Derek stiffened and then he clutched me tighter.

“I...I...” Derek stuttered and I loved the way his ears were turning a bright shade of pink.

I drew my head back.

A shy smile was playing on his lips and he looked at me so tenderly that my very bones were turning into goo inside my body.

“I hope it is for me.” I rested my forehead on his. “Or I have to kill the bitch you may have bought the ring for.”

Derek threw back his head and laughed. I attacked his lips enthusiastically, taking him completely by surprise and our noses clashed. We giggled, like a couple of giddy teenagers and adjusted the angle, until it was the perfect fit, his mouth a molten furnace, pressing into mine and it was warming me up from the inside, shooting stars behind my closed eyelids.

Derek’s hands gripped me tighter and he dipped me, making the kiss increasingly dirtier as I clutched him desperately. Derek left my mouth for a few moments to nibble at my jawline. My eyes might have rolled over into my head a bit.

Suddenly I was hauled up and before I knew anything I was slammed against the wall. I chuckled at the memory, but Derek didn’t notice. He was too busy eating my earlobes. I was fast losing the ability to form coherent thoughts.

“Der...Derek.” I pawed at him weakly.

Derek rested his forehead on mine and he inhaled deeply.

“I want to touch you please.” I whispered as I found my voice.

Derek pulled himself up, looked deep into my eyes and nodded, solemnly.

“I would like that. Very much.” He said.

“But...” I stammered. “What about...”

“Kate doesn’t scare me anymore.” Derek interrupted me. “Somehow I have got over being terrified and disgusted over what she did to me or what I did...with her.”

I looked into his eyes, now green and silver in the overhead light and there was nothing but complete surrender in his gaze. 

“I want you to touch me. Everywhere.” He whispered, his voice unconsciously seductive and a bit on the side of hoarse. “I belong to you...every inch of me. Take me as you want me.”  


I looked into his darkening pupil now blown wide and Derek had never looked so completely open, so receptive and so much giving...it was like he was trying to bare his soul to me through those eyes alone.

I gulped. I didn’t want to be like Kate and devour him whole...damaging him, leaving scars. I didn’t want to be like Jennifer, taking from him when he was open and vulnerable...taking and giving nothing back in return. I didn’t want to be like Braeden - all breathless in need and lust and all glistening skin against skin.

I wanted to treat him exactly the way he deserved...like he was infinitely precious. I wanted to adore every bit of him, gently, reverently...I wanted to kneel and worship, right at his feet!

I took a shaky breath and started to unbutton his shirt. Derek stood as still as a statue as I slowly worked my way down and I walked around him to slip the crisp white shirt off his shoulders, down his arms and away.

I paused a bit to admire him, touching the tattoo on his back, tracing the swirling pattern. My fingers traced the contours of his muscles, followed by my mouth inhaling his scent, reveling in the deep, musky manliness of it as I ghosted kisses on his bare skin. Derek shivered, but stood his ground. I came round to face him. His face was so grave and serious and he looked at me so trustingly like he was ready to hand over his very soul to me without batting an eyelid that I didn't even know what to do with this much faith and this much love. God, he was just...so beautiful that he took my breath away.

I wanted to tell him how beautiful he was or just how much I loved him, but they got stuck in my throat. Words were not enough...words were, not adequate. So I showed him instead.

I must have been weeping when I kissed him on the cheek, on the corner of his lips, on the hollow of his neck, trailing kisses below...on the solar plexus where I had punched him...for suddenly he reached out and cupped my face, tilting my face towards him. His thumbs brushed my tears away.

“No...” I shook my head, grabbing his hands. “I get to cry over you for all eternity. I get to weep until blood pours out of my eyes. How could I ever doubt you...how could I hit you!”

Derek answered by grabbing me by the arms and drawing me into his chest without words. I rubbed my nose against him, taking in his scent...my home...my man...my wolf.  


I vowed to NEVER let him go.

Derek kissed the top of my head.

“If you have admired me enough...how about I reverse the compliments.”

“Derek,” I said quietly into his chest. 

“Yes baby,” he whispered.

“Take me home.”

Derek clutched me tighter once more before releasing me, but he didn’t let go of my hands until we reached his car.

That night I died and went to heaven.


	17. Eternity in a moment

Stiles's POV:

“Stiles –” Derek started. He had texted me half an hour ago asking me to meet him at his loft. When I reached there he made coffee for the two of us and sat down with me face to face, him in an armchair and I on the couch. From his serious expression I knew where it was going.

“If you start apologising again, I swear to God I will rip YOUR throat, with MY teeth.” I flailed. Then added as an afterthought “I need to file them first though,” for, hey, I was if nothing thorough!

Derek sighed.

“I was not –”

“Dude, water under the bridges.” I semi-yelled at Derek. “How many times I have to tell you that? Can’t you just pretend it was just, even a little bit of something that you really wanted? That it was your actual perverted subconscious fantasy? It would be WAY better than another apo –.”

“Would you be my best man?”

I gaped. Somewhere at the back of my mind I was processing...best man equals to groom equals to wedding equals to...

I squealed...it was a totally MANLY squeal, ok? Thank you very much!

Derek bit down on his lower lip to stop smiling.

“And he smirks!” I threw up my hands in air, 100% done. I knew, it was supposed to be a complement to have been chosen over Scott, for hey, werewolf solidarity, but I would be insanely happy for my sister and embarrassingly grateful to my future bro-in-law (Jesus fucking Christ!!!!!!!!!!!!) later. For the time being my mind zeroed in on my inevitable loneliness. It was like watching Scott-Allison drama all over again, when I lost my best bro to the most puppy-eyed romance I had ever seen. 

“Here I am, sister getting married. No one in the whole wide world to love me.” I felt quite justified in my grumbling for here I was losing two best bros...to themselves.

“You are an idiot.” Derek shook his head fondly. I knew that was his way of saying that I was bullshitting and that I knew it. Then he added hastily, “you are nineteen Stiles. The whole wide world” he air-quoted (yes that is HOW evolved he had become) “has a thousand and one possibilities to offer you still. You will find someone who will love you and cherish you,” he paused, and then added with a heavy inflection, “like you deserve.”

“I don’t want it,” I whined. “I want a Derek.”

Derek looked sharply at me and for a moment I thought he was going to get up and bolt or to kick me out of his loft. But he came over to sit by me and...my brain almost short circuited there because in stead of getting all defency and judgey and having metaphorical walls up all around him Derek threw a hand over my shoulder. The gesture was not romantic from any point of view. It was something Scott of dad or even Vi would sometimes do, and I leaned into the comfortable warmth, feeling safe, feeling like I was home after crossing a fucking desert.

“I know.” He whispered looking right into my eyes, lips curled up into a tiny knowing smile. “You HAVE me. I will ALWAYS be there. But I will be damned if I let you get miserable over somebody like me.”

“What are you going to do about it?” I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Well,” Derek removed his hand, but he didn’t move away. He remained as a solid warm presence beside me – home, family....pack! I almost closed my eyes and purred in contentment. “Vi has plans for you.”

“If that doesn’t sound ominous.” 

Derek laughed...an honest to goodness, head-thrown-backward laughter.

“No seriously.” I nudged him with my knee. “What is her evil plan? Out with it. Spill!”

“We have...relatives, distant uncles and aunts and cousins. In the UK and elsewhere.” Derek paused, a faraway look came upon his face. “After the...you know...(I knew and I understood Derek still had difficulty in naming the incident or the series of it) I didn’t contact any of them.”

“Because you didn’t want to meet their eyes, right, because you felt guilty?” I hazarded a guess.

Derek’s mouth was a tight line, but he nodded. “Laura used to keep in touch though, but after she was gone, I never bothered, obviously.”

“Obviously.” I rolled my eyes. “Asking for help from blood relatives who are possibly well-settled in a faraway land who would have probably welcomed you with open arms and provided a safe haven or taken you in like one of their own, for that is what werewolves do, family is everything, even the extended ones...now why would you do that.” I ranted.

“And to think that you could have been saved from all the heartburns and all the traumas that you went through!” I just didn’t have words to convey Derek’s stupid fucking stubbornness.

“I don’t regret it.” Derek said quickly, lips turned up into a smile. From the dopeyness quotient of the smile I knew he was thinking about my sister. My heart melted just a little bit at that.

“Anyways, so as I was saying,” Derek dimpled at me (GOD the only person I thought was capable of doing that was Allison!) “They are coming over for the wedding. And one of my uncles has requested me to choose a couple of their teenage sons or daughters to move to BH, with me as their alpha.”

“Why?” I was surprised.

“Apparently,” Derek looked downright bashful, “they have heard...stories, rumours. They think their children would grow up to be better individual, would learn more if they stay here.” Actually, come to think of it, I didn’t know how I never noticed before that Derek was actually, maybe, sort of a little bit on the side of shy. 

“Dude,” I couldn’t help my shit-eating grin. “They think you are a great alpha.”

Derek ducked his head, but didn’t contradict. “Well, they also marvelled how we have been able to make peace with the hunters and other packs and supernatural creatures. They want their children to learn that. They want their children to be like us – protectors of people.”

“Wow...that is...” I didn’t have words, but it sounded just as right. “But where do I come into this?” I asked, eyes narrowing.

Derek raised one eyebrow at me like I was missing the obvious point.

“What?” I asked, still not getting it.

Derek rolled his eyes exasperatedly. “Cousins.” He said through clenched teeth. “Of mine.”

“Oh my God.” I impulsively threw my arms around Derek. “I have changed my mind. You are my best bro, not Scott.”

Derek laughed and patted my back.

“So,” I sobered up and scrunched my nose. “Have you watched Star Wars because that might be the deal-breaker though.”

...  


My sister was a Goddamn vision in pure white as she paused briefly to take a deep breath, one hand looped through dad’s elbow and I didn’t need a werewolf hearing to hear the sharp intake of breath from the groom.

And the groom was...well...

Skin scrubbed clean, shaved so close that the cheeks looked vaguely bluish, hair gelled back, wearing a fucking tuxedo – Derek Hale looked like the sun had just broken out of the clouds. He was so beautiful that it hurt to look at him.

Even through the veil I could see the tiny smile at the corner of her lip as my sister’s eyes sought out Derek’s and once they met Vi started walking, completely oblivious to the awed stares of the gathering guests.

It was no wonder when dad lifted her veil and kissed her gently on both cheeks to hand her over to Derek that her eyes were wet even while her lips were smiling, because none of ours were dry, except for Deaton, obviously! 

I looked around for confirmation. No, I was right. Scott, right at my elbow, Lydia standing one step below my sister, Liam, Hayden, Mason standing close by – all were busy in wiping their eyes. So were Jackson the douche and Isaac (yes they were here for the wedding, of course they would be, pssst...). Dad and Melissa were crying openly. I pretended not to notice how their arms were linked.

Even Chris was pretending he was removing dirt from his eyes. Nobody was fooled though for I noticed how Melissa turned back and surreptitiously handed him a tissue!

There was something so incredibly beautiful in watching these two people who had been literally brought back from death by each other, going through their personal hells, chased down by demons of our worst nightmares, plagued by doubts and insecurities, rising from their ashes (quite literally), becoming better persons – and still going strong and ending up, finally to become each other’s forever – that they had us overwhelmed.

Well, as I said, waterworks were expected. But what I was absolutely not prepared for was the deep blush that spread through Derek’s cheeks, painting his ears scarlet as he took Vi’s hands, shyly, looking like stepping straight out of a Jane Austen novel for fuck’s sake! 

Huh...!

Throughout the entire ceremony they were totally, hopelessly lost into each others’ eyes. It was so nauseatingly sweet I thought I was going to catch diabetes at the end.

I thought with the amount of PDA these two subject us to (not because they love to show off but they just honestly forget the entire world when they were with each other, as I said, they were going to be worse than Scott and Allison, just you wait), I thought the kissing would be a steamy affair.

Well...Derek had decided to throw us one surprise after the other!

When the priest said “you may kiss the bride,” Derek suddenly dropped to one knee and caught Isaac’s eyes.

Isaac beamed at him and strode forward with a...motherfucking acoustic guitar...in his hand.

Vi looked stunned. We were all pretty much stunned.

“I am not really good with spoken words.” Derek’s voice was low and quiet when he looked at Vi.

“So...I wrote something for you,” he smiled and strummed the guitar, expertly. My eyes bulged out of my socket and Scott looked like he was having a heart attack. I knew Derek would have majored in English Literature if he hadn’t returned to Beacon Hills to find Laura. He never had the chance to finish his college. But I had no idea he wrote poems or composed music for that matter!

Vi clamped both hands on her mouth and choked back a sob.

Derek started and the entire crowd including yours truly pretty much forgot to breathe for the next couple of minutes. Silent tears ran down his cheek as he sang, in a voice so deep and beautiful that it seemed unreal. I swear I could see the two of them glowing, faintly. 

His words tugged deep at our heartstrings, simple, truthful and loving, just like him:

I will take your pains, and make it mine  
And have your tears all salt and brine  
I’ll have your sorrows told, untold  
And give you back in thousand-fold  
All the smiles that I can muster  
Stealing from the sun and the moon and stars  
I will give you all and take your pains  
I will make sun shine through the rains  
I swear I will do it all  
I am in your thrall  
Forever and ever yours, through blood and tears  
Have no fears...

When the song ended, there was an awed silence of a full solid minute – and then the entire crowd burst into cheers, spontaneously. 

Derek stood up, flushing and handed the guitar back to Isaac, mouthing a quiet ‘thank you.’

Then he took Vi’s face between his hands, while Vi was busy crying a river.

He thumbed her tears away and met her lips, gently, reverently. He kissed my sister like he was sending a prayer to heaven. He kissed my sister like she was the only thing that mattered and she kissed him back the same way, touching his face like he was fragile, like she couldn’t believe it was actually happening.  


The two assholes just about broke our collective heart!

...

“So...” I asked the dark-haired teen. “Do you have two left feet like me or are you averse to the general idea of having fun?” I had twice, unsuccessfully pursued the boy to dance with me. I mean it was a charity, really and had NOTHING to do with the fact that he was seriously hot (Hale-gene obviously, what else would you expect). The guy was just sitting there all by himself, in a blazer, looking incredibly uncomfortable while his brothers and sisters were enjoying themselves to the boots. Well, Hales were...loud and boisterous and totally, deliciously irreverential. They were not at all like the cold Englishpeople I imagined them to be.  
Except for this one!

He couldn’t be more than eighteen and had the bone structures so sharp that would cut diamonds. The way the blazer hugged his square shoulders and abs, this dude had serious muscles too, to go with that face.

But he was a buzzkill apparently for his siblings had been trying, unsuccessfully, for the past half an hour to make him get up from his seat and make him dance or to booze or to make a fool of himself in general.

He glared at me, holding back what looked like an honest to goodness growl.

I couldn’t take it. My jaw slacked and I was gaping at him like a fish.

He was looking even more murderous by every moment, ridiculously beautiful baby-blue eyes narrowed to a mere slit!

“Don’t beat yourself up, sourwolf,” I managed to choke out finally. “It is ok to let yourself go. Do something crazy, going pow-wow...you know, occasionally.”

Eyebrows shot up to the hairline at the nomenclature. I was choking...inwardly. I mean seriously!

“How about you and I hit the bar, you know, grab a beer.” I wiggled my eyebrows. “The day is still young.”

“How about I hit you.” The boy asked with a serious expression, but in quaint British accent, “In the face.”

I couldn’t take it anymore. I started laughing, like hysterically, until tears sprang from my eyes and I was wheezing, trying desperately to catch my breath. The boys’s face went from murderously angry to concerned within three seconds flat. He looked like he was contemplating giving me a CPR in any moment now. Even Derek and Vi threw me a part exasperated, part concerned and part amused glance from where they were dancing, foreheads pressed together. From Derek’s quiet smirk I knew he had overheard the entire conversation.

“You and I my friend,” I relaxed into my seat once I could regularise my breathing and laced my fingers at the back of my head, “have a lot to talk about.”

“We do?” The boy asked, genuinely confused now at the supreme confidence my voice was exuding. His eyebrows were doing that thing again, climbing up his forehead that is.

“How about we start with names. Like civilised beings.” I smiled and extended my hand. “I am Stiles. Welcome to Beacon Hills. You can check-out any time you like but you can never leave!”

“Hotel California? Really?” The boy looked profoundly unimpressed, but shook my hand nonetheless. “And what the hell is a Stiles?”

Well, here we go again...


End file.
